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A Sim with his then-Girlfriend
The Sims 4's Romance system is one of the things the developers did very well with the game. There are plentiful social interactions in that category, and excellent animations for each of them. Dating goals give direction to Dates and may reward you for performing well in them. The Guide to Relationships and Finding a Friend is relevant to the process of finding a boyfriend or girlfriend for your Sim, as you can learn a bit about the mechanics of socializing there. If you're looking to learn about Woohoo and Messing Around (Teens), click here
-->Here we will look at some of the popular Romantic Interactions like kissing, going on dates, and proposing marriage and how they become available to Sims. We'll also describe what is necessary to make a Sim a 'Soulmate' for the Soulmate Aspiration, along with all other levels of relationship related to Romance.
Know that Romance is not restricted to Adults in The Sims 4. This is also all relevant to Teenagers, who may exchange promise rings to indicate they will marry at some point in their adult lives, and even "mess around" as opposed to Woohoo. They can also go on Dates!
The Pink bar is Relationship Standing; Steamy Exchange is a Romantic Conversation Context
The Romance Meter
When talking to a Sim, the top bar is for Friendship and the bottom Romance. At any point in this guide where I mention a percentage of relationship, I mean the bottom pink bar. This is the indication of how Romantic two Sims are toward one another.
Finding Love
If you want your Sim to get along with their future husband or wife, then find a Sim that has Traits that you like. You may also consider their appearance, as the game has a genetics system to determine that babies will look like their parents. Finding a few contacts and seeing how those Sims get along naturally is a good idea if you're going to play them in a family together. It will lead to a happier life for both of them.
As the Sims use Romantic Socials on one another, the relationship meter will rise or fall based on whether that interaction was received favorably or not. At different combinations of friendship/romance levels, you will get a different title for your Sim's relationship with that Sim, from Total Opposites to Soulmates. There is a full table of possible outcomes at the bottom of the guide.
Sims Falling in Love at the Park
Relevant Traits and Rewards
There are a few things that come to mind in in the Trait/Rewards category. Sims with the Alluring Bonus Trait, gained from choosing a Romantic Aspiration will get a higher success rate on all interactions, even Woohoo. Alluring will also raise the effective level of Charisma by 2. Sims with the Great Kisser Reward will get 20% more success rate out of Kissing in particular (that itself is powerful for the variety of kisses), and Sims with Shameless will not find themselves embarrassed by any kind of rejection. If you give your Sim the Romantic Trait, they are more likely to become Flirty at any given time, based on the generation of a random Moodlet.
Relationship Status
Like in reality, Sims have different relationship status with one another. This is independent of the game's description of their Relationship Level (below). Status is an official thing between the Sims, and once in a real relationship any flirting with other Sims will result in anger out of the boyfriend/wife/whatever. Here are the standings Sims can achieve:
Breaking Up or Getting Divorced
Sims who are in relationships may break up or get divorced. These interactions are found under Mean and may be performed without needing to do anything special first. The Romance meter will fall all the way to -100 once you've chosen to deliver the blow. There is always an option to Rekindle the Romance, and other Socials like Remember Common Interests, that will help to bring back a lost relationship.
If you don't want to grind out a relationship with another Sim, you can quickly get their romance meter up via cheats: Click here for detailed instructions on relationship cheats for romance.
Availability of Romantic Interactions Depends on Several Factors
Romantic Social Availability
In order to make a particular Romantic Interaction, like Kiss, come up, it takes some buildup. The context of the conversation notifies us of the buildup. A Pleasant Conversation does not mean you can expect a Sim to allow you to suddenly kiss them. As the level of the Conversation rises through Suggestive Encounter, to Amorous and Steamy Exchange, more Socials become available.
Still, a couple should not have to expect to build up with their boyfriend or girlfriend before going in for a kiss or even woohooing. The game accommodates those situations, and makes certain socials available directly to Sims in established Relationships, or who already have a high Romantic Relationship meter. You'll still have to turn up the heat to get all socials to appear, but don't have to do anything special to get a quick kiss before work.
Other socials are available depending on where the two Sims are. If you have access to a couch, Sims can 'Make a Move' and put their arm around the other. Massages are also possible. You are truly more in control when wooing another Sim when at home, so do try to pick that as a great spot for a date.
Sims having their First Kiss
There are several things that improve the success rate of Romantic Social Interactions. First up is the context of the exchange, with Steamy Exchange giving the greatest bonus (+12). Suggestive gives a +5 boost. Next is the Sims' relationships. With 100% Friendship, it is +7, with 60% giving +6. So long as it's above 25%, you get +3. Therefore, build some Friendship before turning a conversation flirty and using Romantic socials. Sims with Level 9-10 Charisma get +12 toward success, and even 3-4 levels gives +3. Mood matters too, as you can see below. You can see the other Sim's mood by hovering over the conversation box at the top of the screen, or simply by looking at the color of the bottom line.
Romantic Success: Emotion
Emotion can have a major impact on how often your Sim's Romantic Socials are accepted. If your Romantic Interest has any of the positive moods, they'll be more likely to succeed. Some of the negatives can make them almost impossible to pull off, although you can always try to turn the other Sim's mood around by making them playful through jokes, being happy and using Brighten Day, or any other Emotion-related Socials. Those that pop up contextually, like give advice, can soothe negative moods instantly.
Note that these are the success values for your Sim, and there is a separate set for the target. If both Sims are Flirty, it's even better. Consider these relative, as the numbers for the target Sim are generally lower.
Two Sims on a Date - the top left shows the Date Objectives
Dating
Dating in the Sims 4 gives you some direction toward success in your Sim's Romantic life and a little Reward should you earn a medal. You will get the option to ask Sims out on a date (under Romantic) fairly early in conversation, but should try to establish a little friendship first. Once that's done, you can select the option and, if they accept, a lot to have the date. Note that you can pick the current lot and have that encounter turn into an instant date. I liked Dating at home, since you have more control over the setting and can establish a Flirty environment with Paintings that your own Sim painted while Flirty and other items.
Dating offers a variety of objectives, and the more you can cross off, the higher your rank (Bronze, Silver, Gold). Once you've won a medal, the score will not go down so you can then proceed with your Date however you like. I've written some of them down so that you can get an idea what's expected of you. Here are the things that may come up. When planning a Date, you should have high Needs so that your Sim doesn't lose out just because they were too tired. There's no real penalty, just lack of a reward. Dates last 6 hours.
There may be others, but this is intended to give you some ideas, not to be an exhaustive list.
A Single Rose and the VIP Bucket are Dating Reward Objects
Rewards for Dates
You will find Rewards in your Household Inventory (Press F2, then click bottom left icon)
Falling in Love means meeting someone appropriate for your Sim
Forming Romance - Buildup Example: How to Kiss
Getting two Sims to Kiss can be a challenge if they're just not compatible, but if two Sims seem to hit it off in Friendly Conversation, all you need to do is gradually work the conversation toward Suggestive Encounter and up to Steamy Exchange through Romantic Interactions to get Kiss to appear. It comes earlier with some established Relationship. The safest options to use are Ask if Single, Compliment Appearance, and Confess Attraction. After that, Hold Hands, Offer Rose, and Embrace may be good choices. Once you see First Kiss and things seem to be going well, go for it! The first kiss causes a big bump in Romantic Relations between the two Sims, and can easily lead to more. It makes them happy, and that will boost success of future socials, so it's a great starting point.
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Giving Fiancee a Massage. Some socials only appear if the Sims are seated or lying in Bed
Establishing the Relationship: Ask to be Boyfriend/Girlfriend
Once two Sims have established some Romantic Relationship, you can ask to be Boyfriend/Girlfriend at just 30% (1/3 of the bar). This will not likely come up just walking up to them, but if you simply pull off a few Romantic socials, the option will appear. You may need a higher relationship with them if they already have a husband/wife or are just in a bad mood.
Finding a Husband or Wife: Proposing Marriage
The option to Propose Marriage comes up rather early just like Ask to be Boyfriend/Girlfriend. This will appear if they have at least 40% Friendship, along with a similar amount of Romantic relation. Again, build up to it and set a foundation with a friendship. Soon enough your Sim can be tying the knot. I'll do a full guide to Marriage and link it here another day.
Tip Summary
This is a fairly big article, especially when combined with the introduction to relationships. I'll summarize some of what we learned from both of these articles about Romance and finding a girlfriend or boyfriend for your Sim in The Sims 4:
Special thanks to DarkWalker for posting these status on the Forum. The following are what displays based on the Romance and Friendship levels of two Sims - the percentage of bar that is filled, remembering that both bars can go in the negative. This is independent of Girlfriend/Boyfriend or Married Status. You can of course have a strong friendship and have negative romantic interest, or have a lot of romantic interest to the point of woohoo, yet not have a good friendship - maybe even to the point of being enemies! I included the game description DarkWalker shared, as some of them are funny.. while others don't make a lot of sense. Irony, perhaps?
| If Sims' Friendship is -100 to -70: | ||
|---|---|---|
| Romance is | Name | Game Description |
| -100 to -50 | Total Opposites | "One says "hot" and the other says "be quiet". One says "black" and the other says "go away". What total opposites!" |
| -50 to -10 | Terrible Match | "It's probably best to stay apart. There's a lot of dislike here. Like, a lot." |
| -10 to 10 | Despised | "Things in this relationship have gone awry. Can it be salvaged?" |
| 10 to 50 | Hot and Cold | "Are they on or off? People can never tell." |
| 50 to 100 | Enemies With Benefits | "I hate you...but I must have you!" |
| If Sims' Friendship is -70 to -20: | ||
|---|---|---|
| Romance is | Name | Game Description |
| -100 to -50 | Terrible Match | "It's probably best to stay apart. There's a lot of dislike here. Like, a lot." |
| -50 to -10 | Bad Match | "Sometimes there's just no chemistry." |
| -10 to 10 | Disliked | "This relationship is tense. Things are likely to go awry!" |
| 10 to 50 | Hot and Cold | "Are they on or off? People can never tell." |
| 50 to 100 | Hot and Cold | "Are they on or off? People can never tell." |
| If Sims' Friendship is -20 to 35: | ||
|---|---|---|
| Romance is | Name | Game Description |
| -100 to -50 | It's Very Awkward | "They drive each other crazy, but they also drive each other "crazy..."" |
| -50 to -10 | It's Awkward | "At least some aspects of the relationship are budding, if not all." |
| -10 to 10 | Acquaintances | "Neither friend nor foe - just an average relationship |
| 10 to 25 | Romantic Interest | "It's too early to tell, but there could definitely be something there!" |
| 25 to 50 | Lovebirds | "A connection of curious hearts. This is shaping up to be a beautiful romance." |
| 50 to 100 | Lovers | "To be in love is a beautiful thing!" |
| If Sims' Friendship 35 to 60: | ||
|---|---|---|
| Romance is | Name | Game Description |
| -100 to -50 | Bad Romance | "Sometimes your gut tells you it's all wrong. And then you tell that gut to be quiet." |
| -50 to -10 | Awkward Friends | "Things started out friendly, but then it got weird..." |
| -10 to 10 | Just Friends | "A friend will always be there for a kind word." |
| 10 to 25 | Romantic Interest | "It's too early to tell, but there could definitely be something there!" |
| 25 to 50 | Lovebirds | "A connection of curious hearts. This is shaping up to be a beautiful romance." |
| 50 to 100 | Sweethearts | "The foundation of a strong friendship has forged a lasting love." |
| If Sims' Friendship is 60 to 100: | ||
|---|---|---|
| Romance is | Name | Game Description |
| -100 to -50 | It's Very complicated | "Aren't love and hate just two sides of the same coin?" |
| -50 to -10 | It's Complicated | "The burning romantic desire cannot be quelled, even if they don't like each other that much." |
| -10 to 10 | Just Good Friends | "This is a solid relationship built on trust and good memories." |
| 10 to 25 | Romantic Interest | "It's too early to tell, but there could definitely be something there!" |
| 25 to 50 | Lovebirds | "A connection of curious hearts. This is shaping up to be a beautiful romance." |
| 50 to 75 | Lovebirds | "To be in love is a beautiful thing!" |
| 75 to 100 | Soulmates | "Two Sims, one heart." |
Friendships and Forming Relationships
Romance and Girlfriends/Boyfriends
Relationship Cheats
Woohoo
Weddings: Securing a Husband or Wife
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The past month, I've spent every day tinkering The Sims 4, making quality of life improvements, gameplay changes, and new difficulty settings for the game. If you'd like to learn more about my project, visit the post on Patreon where you can download it now.
Cottage Living Guide! Here is my guide to new features in the Sims 4 Cottage Living Expansion
You can also find handy Cottage Living Cheats
I have much more to come, since you can actually write a few guides about this pack!
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Snowy Escape Cheats
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Climb Mt. Komorebi
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There is a new platform tool in The Sims 4. There's also a new Sentiments system, but it'll take some time to create a guide to that. Players can also use rental lots in any world now by changing lot types of builds in manage worlds.
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NEW - Nifty Knitting CheatsNew features in the Sims 4 June 2020
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Eco Footprint: How it Works
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New I now have a guide to Making Super Sims in The Sims 4. Look for a text version within the next 72h. It won't have THAT much more info but it will help out as a checklist.
This was inspired by a series, "Let's Play a Super Sim" in which I start at toddler and gradually take on the major bonuses. Here's a link to each part for people who are interested. You can also see the Let's Play as a Playlist on Youtube.
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Comments (46)
Relationship Cheats Scroll to the bottom of the page this links you to and you will see the heading 'Cheat To Make Friends in The Sims 4' you will see the relationship cheats there.
Also there is an open bug report on this too, so perhaps this is your issue?
Bug Report-Sims Can't Propose
(First - Started the female alone in the Demo Version, took a while before I got the full game, Can't remember how I set her up)
She met Travis, they hit it off rather well. She moved in a few days later...
Friendship 100%
Romance 100%
They now have 2 kids together too.
Option "Ask to be Boyfriend/Girlfriend" is not available for this couple, They both want to get engaged to each other. Tried 3 hours my time, of constant romance interactions, and the option has not shown up. - Ended with them woohooing in bed, and started looking for answers. - Can already WooHoo successfully in bed, without any romance options chosen between the 2, even if both are having a bad day. (3 red moodlets each)
Negative romantic relationships happen when you break up or when they cheat and get caught repeatedly. If you have a good relationship to begin with one time cheating won't make the relationship go into the red. Basically any negative romantic interaction will deplete the romantic relationship status.
You can use cheats to get a negative romantic relationship if you want to.
Relationship Cheats just scroll to the bottom of this page.
testingcheats on followed by
aspirations.complete_current_milestone
I have had this issue recently where the 'ask if single' question reappears but it hasn't stopped the romance progressing. Make sure both sims are in the flirty emotion and the bf/gf question should appear after some flirty interactions.
Oh my god my pair is just wondering around nude in the house and woohoing everywhere but whenever they go on a date or have a bad woohoo they get embarrassed and it takes forever to get them happy again,any ideas?
Make sure they are in the flirty mood before trying any romance socials. (or if you are using WW mod then they probably don't have the right modded traits for being naked).