All the Good Girls go to Heaven

[alex51299]

Sorry about your cold Apples, my whole family has had it for the past week so I can relate. Despite that it was a wonderful chapter! I hope Cayden gets to at least find out about his daughter.

[loveSims]

Get well soon! Awesome chapter.

[ApplesApplesApples]

Chapter 17

A few weeks after Mae's third birthday Milo's company had a breakthrough. One of their programs became hugely popular, transforming them from a bunch of geeks nobody had heard of into a hot new company.

Milo tried several times to explain to me what the program did.

"It's called an integrated development environment. Basically it helps programmers design their own software by combining different programming tools like source code editors, debuggers, linkers, compilers."

"But that doesn't make sense. How did you write a program to write programs before you had the program-writing software?" I asked.

"We used other programs and tools. Once we had the different bits of our program we could use that, too."

"So it's like using an egg to make a chicken that will make eggs."

He laughed. "I guess so."

"Well, I wouldn't buy it."

"That's because you're not a software programmer. Ours is one of the most comprehensive, powerful, and efficient tools on the market. Paul Sanderson and his fools are still struggling with their APIs. Hah!"

The triumph put Milo in an excellent mood for days on end. He wasn't generally moody or depressed, but I'd never seen him this excited. His computer programming friends came in and out of the house, complimenting Mae when they saw Tita and vice versa, laughing and Milo's Paul Sanderson jokes (Bindi and I didn't usually, since we didn't understand them), and stealing food from the fridge.

"A party?" said Milo when I suggested they get the celebrating done more efficiently than this never-ending carnival of software happiness. "That's a great idea! We can invite Paul and a few of his boys over to gloat over our victory in their faces."

"That's going to end in a fistfight," I said. "I've seen how much a few of the guys drink."

"Oh," said Milo, waving away my concern, "We'll keep them away from the liquor. Don't worry."

I told Bindi about the party and she suggested we take the girls over to her house to spend the night, since they wouldn't get much sleep with all the music and laughter.

"It's okay," I said. "We'll tape over the stereo's volume knob so that it won't turn. It's low-tech; they won't know how to deal with that. And we can stuff some rags under the door to the nursery. We might have some fun, too."

The guests started arriving at around eight, which made it difficult since the girls were still awake and didn't want to go to sleep knowing people were gathering below. It didn't help that Milo started off the party with one of his Paul Sanderson jokes, which had everyone laughing and providing their own funny addenda like an endless string of binary code for at least ten minutes. Bindi and I were reading storybooks to Mae and Tita in the nursery, and had trouble getting them to pay attention to us with all the noise. Besides it was Milo who usually put Mae to bed, and she kept asking for him.

When we finally got them to sleep it was nine thirty, a bit past their bedtime. Also, Mae had smeared some crayon on my dress, and Bindi had to try and help me clean it off in the bathroom before we went downstairs.

"It's part of the mom learning curve," I said as I looked at the stain in the mirror. "From now on let's not put on our fancy dresses until we're sure we won't have any contact with the kids before the party."

"We should have thought of that before," said Bindi.

I caught sight of her reflection in the mirror and smiled. I was so proud of how far Bindi had come from that terrified girl who'd opened the door to her house for me almost four years ago. She was strong, after all. She had Tita; she had me and Mae and Milo, and she didn't need anything else.

"I think I've got it all out," she said.

"Now it just looks like I spilled my drink on it before the party even began." I sighed. "Well, if everyone else is like Milo about clothes they won't even notice."

We went downstairs to the raucous celebration of everyone gathered there. I was grateful for the rags under the nursery door.

"Hello. Congratulations. Hello," I said, shaking hands and giving hugs to the people who were closer friends.

"Too bad Mae and Tita couldn't join us," said Sarah, one of the best programmers according to Milo. Now I mostly remember her as Milo's first wife. My favorite of the three by far, although that whole business with Marcus...

"If Mae stays up too late she goes hysterical and then it's even harder to put her to sleep," I said.

"I know. My son does the same thing," said Sarah. "Oh, sorry. Some of my drink must have spilled over onto your dress. If you put baking soda... or baking powder, I can't remember. One of those on the stain and it'll go away."

"I'll remember that," I said, moving off through the crowd.

"You look great, Aliyah," said Milo when he saw me.

"So do you." I smiled and adjusted his glasses. "You've got an air..." At that moment I felt certain someone was staring at me. I looked around but couldn't find anyone.

"What?" asked Milo.

"I just... thought someone had called me. Hey, I'm going to get a drink. Everyone else here is sloshed. I may as well fit in."

"I couldn't have done it without my beautiful girlfriend!" said Milo in response to something someone shouted across the room. Milo took my hand and lifted it up in the air like I'd just won the Olympics.

I smiled and nodded at the applause and managed to get out of Milo's grip. I went around behind the bar and was about to take one of the glasses when I saw, over them and through the archway into the living room, on the other side of the double glass doors, an apparition.



I looked around. Milo and Bindi were dancing together. Everyone seemed occupied with their own business and unlikely to disturb mine. If an exhausted young mother wanted to take a drink in a more quiet place no one would think anything of it. I grabbed a glass and crossed over into the living room, glancing over my shoulder to make sure no one saw me go.



I stopped just before the glass doors and looked at him. He gave me a smile. I glanced over my shoulder again and opened the door, stepping out into the mild early autumn night.

"Cayden?" I said.

"Hey," said Cayden. He stood there, all fixed up, just a few paces away from me. His face had grown more mature, and there was a gentleness there I hadn't seen the last time I'd seen him, back in the park. Something that reminded me of him as a child, before everything.

I stepped toward him, unsure. "Are you really there?"

"You look lovely. You've got a stain on your dress, though."

"Yeah, that was Mae."

His expression contorted in something like pain. I realized he hadn't been here when Mae was born. He hadn't even known I was pregnant when he left.

"That's my daughter."

"I know all the latest news. From Gigi, actually. She's gone from being the school's tramp and gossip to being the town's tramp and gossip. She wasn't nearly so antagonistic toward me this time. I wonder why." He gave a cocky grin.



"Do you know about your daughter?"

"Yes."

"I imagine you came back for her."

"Is that a question?"

"How long have you known you had a daughter?"

"About a year. Some of my friends in town told me."

"You knew what it was like to grow up without a father and you stayed away anyway."

"I hardly think anyone holds it against me."

I shook my head and turned away from him. "I can't believe you came back."

"Wait, so is the beef that I came back or that I left?"

"Both!" I rounded on him. "You abandoned Bindi and Tita."

"It was necessary," he said calmly.

I threw the glass at the wall beside him. He flinched as it crashed. "Why? Why was it necessary? Why did you marry her in the first place if you were going to abandon her?"

"I left because I was sick of not being good enough for you." He caught my arms and held me still, halting the start of a round of furious pacing. "Listen. I was tired of causing harm. I thought if I could get far enough away it would be better. But being so far apart from you gave me perspective. I was finally able to step back and look at my life. I've turned it all around. I've made myself better for you. I'm not going to hurt you this time, Aliyah. I'm a different man now."

"You think that after everything..."

"Run away with me."

His words surprised me so tremendously that I couldn't answer for a moment. Then I gave a strangled laugh. "No."

"Why not?"

"It's easy to say you've changed. But how many times have you lied?"

"You've always said you can tell when I'm lying. Look at me. Am I lying? I'm a different man," he said, his voice and face full of an intense earnestness I didn't remember from before. Maybe he had changed. That didn't mean he was better.

"I can't tell if you're lying anymore. I barely know who you are. You left me. You married Bindi and then you convinced her she was worthless. You stole, you lied..."

"Bindi had problems before me. I've told you before; if I hurt her it was unintentional. I never meant to cause her any pain."

"You left me," I said, more firmly, although I was close to melting into sobs.

"I never will again."

"What about Bindi and your daughter? If you've changed like you say you have, you should at least care about them." My voice cracked toward the end of the sentence.

"Oh, Bindi wouldn't take me back even if I wanted to go back to her. You know that, Aliyah." He pulled me closer. "Here." He put my hand against his chest and his hand against mine, leaning his forehead against the top of my head. "Remember when there was nothing but us? It could be that way again."

"I'll never leave Mae and Milo," I said.

He slid his arms around my shoulders and kissed me so intensely, so sweetly, so passionately, that I almost forgot where I was. I'd forgotten what it was like to kiss Cayden. Milo, Mae, Bindi, Tita, and everything else faded away into the background. I was fourteen again, on the top of a sunlit hill, and Cayden's arms made me feel safe and secure, but most of all certain that I was where I was supposed to be. That I could make no mistake when it came to Cayden. So long as we were together everything was the way it should be.



Then I came back to the bridge outside the house full of computer programmers, one of them the father of my daughter, and my daughter was asleep upstairs, and my best friend just now recovered from what this man had done to her, and I pulled away. But Cayden didn't let me go.

"Mae was supposed to be our daughter, Aliyah," he said.

"I know." I started to cry. "I've never felt like her mother. I've seen how she and Milo are together, and Tita and Bindi, and I... something's wrong. I know something's wrong."

"It's because you know you don't love Milo. Mae was supposed to be our daughter. You feel guilty because you don't love her like you should, but how could you? You've known all your life that it was supposed to be us. Mae was ours."

"What, you can read my mind now?" I said between tears.

"Of course I can."

"I can't run away with you."

"You know this is the wrong life you're living. Mae is the wrong daughter. Milo is the wrong man. You belong with me, not with some four-eyed computer geek."

"You're a computer geek."

"No, I'm not. Computer genius, maybe. I'm too hot to be a geek."

I laughed and hiccuped at the same time, but I shook my head. "I can't. I can't leave Mae."

"Ah, we're making progress."

"What?"

He pointed a finger in my face. "First you said you couldn't leave Milo and Mae. Now you can leave Milo but not Mae. I see us arriving at a favorable conclusion anytime soon."

"No, I can't go with you. Not with everything. How can I trust you? After all the times you've lied? What's to say you won't be stealing behind my back, or leave me again when it gets tough?"

"When it gets tough? I didn't leave because of that. I'd weather anything with you if I could trust myself. I can now. I know I'll be better this time. I swear to you, Aliyah. Give me a chance."

I pulled out of his arms and wiped my eyes. "No. I'm not going to leave Mae. Bindi, either. She needs me, too." I started to head inside. He grabbed my arm.

"I can't come in?"

"There's a party you're not invited to."

"I don't want to go to the party. I want to see Mae."

"And Tita," I reminded him severely.

"Mae and Tita," he said, letting go of me. "Will you let me?"

I hesitated, peering across to the dining room where everyone gathered. "Okay. We'll take the stairs when no one's looking." We slipped inside and went through my parents' old room, the one I now shared with Milo, since it had a door that opened out on the stairs. I opened it a crack and watched a couple talking beside the statue of the man carrying the rock.

"Who uses this room?" asked Cayden softly from behind me.

"Me and Milo."

"What about your old room?"

"Bindi uses it."

"Hmm."

The couple moved back into the dining room and I pulled Cayden through the door and up the stairs after me. I took the rags out from under the door to the nursery and inched it open so that we could get through but the noise from downstairs wouldn't.

"Which one is which?" whispered Cayden.

"Tita and Mae," I said, pointing.

Cayden went over to Mae's crib without so much as a glance toward Tita's. He stared down at her for several minutes. I listened for footsteps coming up the stairs and only heard more laughter and chatter.

"She doesn't look anything like you," said Cayden.



"No. She's all Milo."

"Why did you call her Mae?"

I looked away.

"Why, Aliyah?"

"Because it's a pretty name."

"Our daughter was going to be called that. When you called her Mae you doomed her to always being less than you expected of her. You wanted her to be my daughter. When she wasn't, you couldn't love her."

"I love her." I glared at him.

"But not enough. You know I'm right. Mae would be better off with Milo. Milo doesn't have any impossible expectations of her."

"You're not right. I liked the name, and that's why I called her that. It was just a coincidence that you suggested it."

"Stop lying to me and to yourself. You're only hurting Mae."

"What do you know?"

"About hurting people? Quite a bit. My mother always expected me to be exactly like my father. When I was older she even confused me with him a few times. How do you think that messed with my head?"

"It's not the same thing."

"It's close enough, Aliyah. All this happened because we went against fate and stayed apart. We were never meant to be apart. Come with me. There'll be no more pain, I promise. Just bliss. I know who you are, I know better than anyone else could ever hope to. I know what you love and what you want." He leaned close. "Let me put this in a way you'll understand. Milo is one hill. A grassy hill bathed in sunshine, just the way you like them. You like being there, breathing the open air and the smell of the grass, and running up and rolling back down. But that's it. He's just one hill. Beyond that hill there's an arid, unknown landscape, inhospitable and unwelcoming. Me, Aliyah... I'm a whole world full of grassy hills, trees, flowers, and open blue skies. You can run for as far as you like and you'll never reach the end of it, or my love for you. Those hills would have everything you could ever want or need. A palace made entirely of glass, so you can go there when it rains but still feel like you're outside. A shuttle to fly you to the moon. Winter comes sometimes, but it's a short winter that's soon over, and spring bursts back up out of the ground again to fill your life with scent and beauty. I will be everything for you. If I have you I don't need anything else. No revenge, no making people pay for what other people have done. It'll just be the two of us together until the end. We'll meet the end together, because I'm not going before or after you. And that feeling that something's wrong, that something's missing... you'll never have it again."

I was crying, salty tears catching in the corners of my mouth and dripping off the end of my nose. Cayden dried my face and bent to look up at me, because I'd hung my head to avoid his eyes.

"Run away with me, Aliyah."



"Cayden.." I said.

He lifted my chin. "Come on. If you're going to crush me at least look me in the eye when you do it."

"I..."

The door to the nursery opened. "Oh..." said Bindi. "I was..."



"Bindi," I said, stepping away from Cayden.

"I thought I heard voices up here and was afraid someone would wake up the girls." She looked as though she didn't know what to do with herself. She glanced at Cayden every few seconds and looked quickly away again. "I'll just go away."

"Wait, don't leave," I said.

"No, it's okay. I don't want to bother you. Just don't wake up Tita, because she was hard to put to sleep."

"Aren't you going to say anything?" I asked Cayden.

"Is there something you want me to say, Bindi?" asked Cayden.

"No," said Bindi, looking at the floor.

"Nothing you want to say to me?"

Bindi looked up, her eyes flashing with a passion I'd never seen in her before. "Just that I'm glad you left."

"Good job, Bindi. See, Aliyah? Bindi doesn't want me back."

Bindi approached and said to me as if Cayden weren't there, "Is he going to stay very long? Because I don't want Tita to see him."



"Come on," said Cayden. "I'm sure you've had things you wanted to say to me all these years. No 'I hate you, you're a disgusting slug of a man'?"

"No." Bindi looked him in the eye, steady as could be. "There's nothing else I have to say to you. You're not a part of my life anymore and I don't care what you do. But if you leave Milo for him, Aliyah..."

"I'm not going to," I said.

Cayden stepped closer to Bindi. I tried to interfere, but he held me back. "No, it's okay, Aliyah. Bindi, there's something I need to say to you. I was happy to leave. Tita will be happy I left, too. I have always been and always will be completely unable to love you."

Bindi slapped him across the face so hard he almost stumbled back into me. "The only good thing you ever gave me was Tita. I don't wish I'd never married you, because then I wouldn't have her. But I don't care what you do anymore, Cayden. I only care about Aliyah. You're not going to take her away and ruin her."

Cayden rubbed his cheek and said nothing.

"I'll leave you, Aliyah. I hope for your sake you make him leave." Bindi went out of the room and closed the door behind her.

"Why were you so mean to her?" I demanded. "That's how you've changed?"

"Relax, Aliyah. I only said that because I knew she could take it, and it would give her a reason to slap me. She wanted to do that, you can't say she didn't."

"Is that the way you treated her when you were married?"

"No. If she'd been as strong then as she is now we might even have been happy together. But she was falling apart without my help. I did her the biggest favor of her life by leaving her." He looked around. "Where did you put the chess table?"

"Out under the black gum tree beside the pool. It's nicer to play outside anyway."

"No kids to climb the fence and steal the pieces?"

"Cayden, you've got to go. I need to go down to the party. This is important for Milo."

"Are you going to give me an answer?"

I looked at him, so different but so much like the Cayden I'd never wanted to be away from when I was younger, his cheek already starting to swell up from Bindi's slap, his eyes intense and tantalizing, offering me the only thing I really wanted. Forever.

"Not tonight. Just go, Cayden. Go. We'll talk tomorrow."

I was careless going down the stairs, though, too preoccupied with everything, and Milo spotted us halfway down

"Hello, Aliyah. I've been looking for you. Who's this?"

I froze. "This... this is Cayden."

Milo raised his eyebrows. "Cayden Morey, Bindi's ex-husband? I though we'd gotten rid of you."

"I'm hard to get rid of," said Cayden.

"Come downstairs and have a drink. There's no need to sneak people in and out of the house. This is a party."

"He was just leaving," I said.

"I can't leave without saying hello to the host. That would be rude." Cayden prodded me down the stairs and went to take a glass from Milo, smiling as if he'd been born and raised polite and accommodating. "So tell me, Milo, what is it you do?"



"I run a computer software business. Our program just hit the best-selling lists. That's what we're here to celebrate." Several onlookers cheered.

"Computer software. That's fascinating. You know, I took a few courses in college. Won't you explain your work to me, see if I follow you."

I went over to the bar to get a new glass. Bindi came up beside me. "What's going on, Aliyah? Why is he back?"

"He..." I looked over to where Milo was explaining something to Cayden, acting extremely condescending. Cayden nodded politely and listened. "He wanted to see how we were."

"He doesn't care how we are."

"I don't know if we can judge him by how he used to be, Bindi. I think he's different now." I found she was staring at me. "What?"

"I didn't tell you when I found out because I didn't want to upset you." The idea of Bindi handling something I couldn't seemed a little ridiculous, but I kept my mouth shut and waited for her to continue. "I found out several of the things he's been up to while he was away. The FBI came to see me one day while you were at flight training."

"The FBI?"

"They handle this sort of thing. At least they thought they did, because they weren't sure if Cayden was in the country or not. But the things he's been doing, Aliyah..."

"You don't know that for sure. They just suspect him." For a moment I flashed back to when I was younger and used to defend Cayden when everyone thought he'd been stealing. I'd been wrong then, too.

"The best thing you could do would be to call the police and tell them he's back."

"You're wrong," said someone loudly from the other side of the room. "That's a sound piece of programming we did. Our top people worked on it for years."

"I'm just suggesting you re-check your code," said Cayden. "From what Milo here's told me, you've got a serious hole. The program's fresh now, but people are going to start discovering it soon. When they do and you don't have a patch ready someone's going to have to come and sweep up your pile of bones."

I went over to them. "Cayden, will you come with me outside for a minute? I've got to talk to you."

"You're wrong," said one of Milo's computer-programming guys.

I led him out and stood just inside, holding the door open. "We'll talk tomorrow."

"Afraid I'll embarrass you in front of your geek friends?"

"Cayden, if I call the police now and tell them you're here, what would they do?"

He sighed. "I've still got a few messes to clean up." I raised my eyebrows. "I've been clean for years, I promise. But there are still a few things from my earlier days I haven't resolved yet. They'll be history soon. You don't have to worry about it."

"This is exactly the kind of thing I worry about."

"You won't have to anymore."

I bit my lip. "We'll meet tomorrow. On that hill above Orson's farm. Two o' clock. All right?"

He seemed like he was going to say something, but he just nodded. "I'll see you. Aliyah? Make the right choice."

"I will." I closed the door.
Thanks for all the well wishing! I feel much better today.

But here's the thing. Tomorrow I'm starting back to school 40 hours a week (yay?) and I won't be able to post every day like I've been doing. Hopefully there will be a chapter on Thursday, because it's my one afternoon off, and definitely on the weekend.

According to my calculations the story will have three to four more chapters. If I don't finish with chapter 20 on Sunday I'll finish with chapter 21 next Thursday. I'm sad that it's all coming to an end. Thank you for staying with me this far! You're awesome.

[alex51299]

Oh my goodness this was a heartbreaking chapter. You are an amazing writer. I almost wish that this story will never end but I still want to know what happens once its all over. 

[seashall]

Wow, that was so moving! But I'm so confused about Cayden now! Because first he says he's changed, and then when Bindi speaks to him, it's like he's the same person as in the past! BUt I can't wait until the end!

[MoonsAreBlue]

And just when I thought things couldn't get better... they do. I can't believe this story is coming to an end! I'm going to be so sad when I have to say goodbye to these wonderful characters you've created. I can't give you enough praise for this story.

[alex51299]

Can I ask how you actually play the game? Like has Cayden and Bindi been part of the active household the whole time, and if Ailyah and Bindi were actually pregnant with Tita and Mae and things like that.

[Trentorio]

Yes...share your secrets with us! I was wondering if you would ever have these sims available for download on this forum on the exchange. Bindi and her makeup combined with her facial expressions always gives me a giggle. I love how you use the screenshots to add to the story and not tell the entire story.

[ApplesApplesApples]

Can I ask how you actually play the game? Like has Cayden and Bindi been part of the active household the whole time, and if Ailyah and Bindi were actually pregnant with Tita and Mae and things like that.

Yeah, it was quite complicated. I did it like this: first I made Cayden's mother and father, Aliyah's mother and father, and mixed their genes to create Aliyah, Cayden, and Trisha as children (CAS). I saved everyone as custom sims. I had Cayden and Aliyah's house on the same lot. Then when I'd finished the part of the story they spent as children I made the family again, with Cayden and Aliyah as teens, everyone's parents as adults instead of young adults, and including Bindi, Gigi, and Vanessa. Then I made another family that had Aliyah and everyone in college and moved them into my "college" building. Then when it was time for Mae and Tita I made a new family and just mixed the genes again in CAS. The new family had Aliyah, Bindi, Milo, Cayden, Mae, and Tita. And so on.

Actually at one point YA Bindi met teenage Bindi, which was very funny. And there were tons of Aliyahs of different ages running around. In one scene where Bindi and Cayden meet at the beach party, teenage Cayden was playing chess in the background. I had to make sure he didn't come out in the screenshot.

Also, by the way, Zach was not in the story, but when Bindi and her grandfather were townies he just appeared. I have no idea whose son he is. Bindi was a teen, and her grandfather didn't get married.

Yes...share your secrets with us! I was wondering if you would ever have these sims available for download on this forum on the exchange. Bindi and her makeup combined with her facial expressions always gives me a giggle. I love how you use the screenshots to add to the story and not tell the entire story.

Bindi makes me giggle too. I have a bunch of funny pictures of her that didn't make it into the story. Maybe I'll share them at the end. I'd be happy to make anyone available for download.

[loveSims]

This chapter was so intense it actually give me goose bumps! I don't want the story to end, but can't wait to see how it end! Now I make no sense lol. Amazing update.

[ApplesApplesApples]

Hi. Our schedule got changed, so Friday is my afternoon off. That will be the day I'll post chapter 18. Thanks for all your comments and to everyone who reads! You make me so happy.

[wednesday21]

That was so...bittersweet. I don't know, it all is just really intense. You're not just telling a regular Sims story, you're typing down the draft of an epic novel for us! I can't describe the feelings this story is giving me. I just sat here reading the chapters I've missed due to my short recent absence with no stop or break. And I always have a break - even when chatting online or browsing 9gag! I'm stunned, speechless and truly bummed that this wonderful thing will have to end. Guess all good things come to an end. Too bad, too bad.

Whatever. I'll continue awaiting the next chapter with huge excitement and much popcorn.

[ApplesApplesApples]

Chapter 18

Meet Cayden on the hilltop where we'd had our first kiss? It was ridiculous.

I lay awake that night thinking everything over in a more rational way. When I'd told him to meet me I'd had every intention of going the next day and telling him in no uncertain terms that I would never run away with him. That I would never leave Mae. Cayden was wrong. She was the right daughter. It didn't matter who her father was.

But then I realized how weak I was. I'd never been able to tell him no. Not Cayden. If I went he would convince me; I couldn't let that happen. So I decided I wouldn't go. I wouldn't even tell him I wasn't going. Let him wait for a few hours. He'd made me wait for five years.

The next day Milo had to meet his coworkers to solve whatever problem Cayden had found with the program. He was out of sorts, even grumpy. Apparently he could do that as well as excitement. I hadn't known before.

It gave me some time with Mae. At first she wasn't too happy that Milo wouldn't be with her, but I took her to the playground Milo always took her to and we had enormous fun going on the games.

"Daddy doesn't slide!" Mae said amid a fit of giggles at watching me try to get down the smallest slide. My rear end barely fit on it.

"Well, daddy doesn't know how to have fun," I said.

"Go on monkey bars!"

Apparently it was hilarious to watch me climbing around on them. Mae watched me from the ground, laughing until she started to complain that her stomach hurt from laughing.

Then we went to the place Cayden had showed me nearly twenty years ago, where the butterflies gathered on the slope of the hill. There were still quite a few. They probably had something to draw them there. I showed Mae the different varieties and told her their names. I'd taken a few taxonomy classes in college. For some reason the names of the butterflies had always stuck.

"I want a butterfly!" said Mae.

"We'll make one," I said. "Which one is your favorite?"

She pointed to a beautiful purple one with blue spots, so we went to the store to buy some construction paper, kiddie scissors, and glue. It turned out we had some things at home. It struck me as odd that I hadn't known. But it didn't matter, because Mae used about a liter of glue and she liked the green scissors better than the red ones, anyway.

After making butterflies we went to the pond across the street to look at the fish. I allowed Mae to put one we found in the shallow end in a big glass cookie jar that passed as a fishbowl. She insisted in painting a design on the outside. When she finished she could barely see the fish through the glass, but I wiped off a little window with alcohol and it amused her to no end to watch the fish swimming by and wave at it as it passed. "Hi, fish! Hi, fish!"

Mae was tired and we curled up together to read her favorite books. She fell asleep with her head pillowed on my arm. It occurred to me as I watched her that, along with it being the longest period of time we'd spent together, just the two of us, it had also been the best. And in those hours I'd felt irreplaceable. Maybe it was a coincidence it had been just after Cayden came back and made me realize the problem we'd been having in establishing a real relationship all this time, but I didn't think so. It seemed Cayden had helped me after all.

When Mae woke up from her nap we had a tea party with all of her stuffed animals. It made me hungry, so I set her up with some coloring books and went to get something to eat. The phone rang before I had a chance to reach the stairs to go down.

"Why didn't you come, Aliyah?"



I sighed. "I'm not going to come. Give up, Cayden. I have a life now, one in which you play no part. That's what you wanted, isn't it?"

"That changed. I told you. I'm different now. It's been years. Won't you at least let me show you I'm right?"

"No. Go away. Bindi doesn't want Tita to see you. I don't want to see you, either." I hung up before he could say anything. I knew I was making the right choice. All I needed was to forget him, to stop hanging onto the hope that he really was different and might make me happy this time. This time. It was ridiculous. Cayden was a mistake I had to leave behind, that was all.

Milo came home late that night, too tired to play with Mae. In a way I was glad. It gave me more time to be with Mae. I put her to sleep again that night, and she didn't ask for him once.

The next day I had work and flight training but I blew them both off to be with Mae, since Milo needed to work. We had just as much fun as the day before. My heart swelled with happiness when she told Tita everything fun she'd done with her mommy. She still called me Lee-lee, but it didn't seem like a sign of a lack of attachment to me anymore.

"I thought you would leave," said Bindi as I watched the girls.

"With Cayden?"

"I would. If he loved me the way he loves you I'd forgive everything he's ever done to me."

"I thought you didn't want me to go with him."

"I didn't. You made the right choice. I'm happy you did." She smiled. "It will get better when he's out of our lives for good."

"Yes." I looked back at Mae. "It'll be perfect once he's gone."

Several days passed in the same manner. Milo got grumpier and grumpier as the solution to their problem continued to evade them. I tried to reassure him when he came home at night, but he just snapped at me. He'd never done it before. I hardly minded, though, because I was in heaven. Mae sought me out every morning to go play, and we both loved the time we spent together. I quit my job at the library to spend more time with her, although I didn't quit my flight lessons. Bindi kept care of her for me when I was gone and I came back to find Mae anxious to go adventuring out on the hills, seashell-collecting on the shore, and playing school with Tita, Bindi, and me as the students.

I got several phone calls from Cayden but let them ring. I had the naive hope that he would give up if I ignored him long enough. But he didn't occupy my thoughts very often, since I had Mae now to fill all the empty spaces inside of me.

One evening I put Mae to sleep and went down to find Milo arguing with someone on the phone. I waited for him to get off.

"Who was that?"

"Sandra."

"How's the patch coming along?"

He glared at me. I didn't inquire further. "I'll go make us some coffee," I said.

While in the kitchen I heard Milo arguing with someone, but I thought it had to do with the company. Then I heard footsteps running into the kitchen.

"Aliyah, you have to talk to me."



I turned. "Go away, Cayden. You're not welcome here."

"Don't tell me to go away. You're wrong about me. You're wrong about everything. You think you don't need me, but you do. I need you, too."

I faced away from him but he made me look at him again.

"You need me."

"Let go of me," I said quietly. He did. "I told you to go away."

"I can't. You have to come with me."

"No. I've given you my answer."

He pressed the fingers of one hand into his forehead and temples as if he wanted to keep his head together. "You're the only thing in my life I've ever needed or fought to have. You can't make me go away." I could tell he was falling apart. I'd never seen him like this.

"You'll find other things worth having. Our thing is too far beyond repair."

He grabbed my shoulders. "You need me," he said again.

"Yes, I need you. I've always needed you. You're still a part of me, after all you've hurt me. But I don't want you. I don't want you anymore."

"You still love me."

"I love you until it kills me, Cayden, but I still don't want you. I get no pleasure from loving you anymore. Leave me alone. I don't want to be with you. I'm not going to run away with you. I wouldn't even if I didn't have Mae. You did the right thing in leaving me. You're not good for me."

He stared at me for a moment before letting go of my shoulders. "You didn't seem to think so before."

"I was wrong. You were right. Now go."

He nodded slowly and turned to leave. I bit my tongue to keep myself from calling after him. Come back, Cayden. But it was just habit. I couldn't want him to come back anymore. Could I?



Milo came into the kitchen a few moments later. He looked angry. "I don't want Cayden coming around the house anymore, Aliyah. He was very rude to me at the door. I've got very little patience at the moment."

"Don't worry. He won't come again."

"Why you even call him your friend..."

"He's not my friend."

Milo glowered and went away grumbling and muttering to himself. I stood in the kitchen for a while longer and then went to bed. My dreams were full of memories of my childhood with Cayden mixed with snippets of what my imagination told me I could have had with Cayden.

I woke to Tita's screams in the middle of the night. I knew it was Tita immediately, because I could easily distinguish their cries. It frightened me that Mae didn't join in. Had she hurt herself in some way that wouldn't let her even cry for me?

Milo and I ran upstairs, Tita's wail rattling around in our skulls. We burst into the nursery and found a terrifying sight. Mae's crib was empty.



"Where is she?" I said, starting to get hysterical.

Bindi emerged from my old room. "What's the matter?"

"Is Mae with you, Bindi?" asked Milo.

"No." She seemed to notice the empty crib. "Where...?"

"She's gone." Milo turned in a circle as if he expected to see her somewhere in the nursery. "She's gone. Our daughter. She's gone, Aliyah!"

Suddenly I knew what had happened. "Cayden!" I said. "He took her!"

Bindi was horror-struck. "Cayden? He wouldn't..."



"What makes you think that?" asked Milo. "Why would he take her?"

I didn't answer, taking the stairs back down as fast as I could. I didn't even stop to put on shoes or a coat, even though the night was rather chilly. I got into my car and pulled out of the garage, nearly running into the fence on my way out.

Where would he take her? I drove down the road at a crazed speed, trying to think and not run into anything. There was a nearly full moon that illuminated the hills around our house pretty well. I'd only driven a few minutes when I saw them.

I threw myself out of the car and ran toward Cayden, the grass cold on my feet.



"Cayden!" I yelled. He didn't turn.

He stood, holding Mae, on the edge of one of the cliffs that overlooked the ocean. There wasn't water directly below, just rocks. If they fell they would both die. If rocks under his feet crumbled...

"Don't come any closer, Aliyah," said Cayden when I was about twenty feet away. I stopped.

"What are you doing? Give Mae back to me."

Mae nestled in his arms, half-asleep from what I could tell. She didn't seem anxious or upset.

Cayden looked back over his shoulder at me. His expression frightened me. Not anger. Not anything I'd ever seen before. For a moment I thought he must be crazy.

"She was supposed to be mine."

"Cayden, come back here! You're too close to the edge."

"You think all this is going to go away? Just because you want it to? We were meant to be together, Aliyah. We were made to be together. What we had isn't going to disappear just because you don't want it anymore. Want isn't a factor. It's what we are. We're in each others' blood. We've been ever since we were kids. I know you know this."

It struck me then that he'd gone to the edge of the cliff for a reason. That he wasn't just completely out of his senses and didn't know where he stood. Cayden did everything he did for a reason.

"Give Mae to me," I ordered. "Now, Cayden."

He faced away from me. I tried to calculate the distance, see if I could reach him before he... whatever he planned to do. But I couldn't. He would hear me coming.

"You were supposed to be mine," he said to the sleeping Mae. "You don't even know who I am. Your mother betrayed me."

"Give her to me," I said.

"She betrayed me," he continued. "And you're wrong. You aren't supposed to be. Why would she do that, Mae? Why would she kill me?"

"What about Tita? You had her with Bindi. I never thought Tita was supposed to be my daughter. We went our separate ways. You chose it, remember? Give Mae to me." I felt a tear tickle my cheek and brushed it away.

"I didn't even know Tita existed until a year ago. You chose to have Mae with Milo. Why?" He looked back at me. "You don't love him. You knew you never could. Why did you have Mae with him?"

"Because I knew I would never love anyone anyway, and I wanted a baby. Cayden, if you don't give Mae back to me right now..."

"What do you say I give you to the sea instead, Mae?" said Cayden, and lifted her up in the air, holding her over the edge.



"Cayden!" I screamed, and stopped myself, afraid that if I startled him I'd cause him to drop her. I grabbed at my hair in desperation. "Are you going to hurt me because of something that's your fault? Are you going to punish me for making a sane choice in staying away from you?"



"I'm not punishing you," said Cayden softly. He almost didn't seem to be talking to me at all. Mae opened her eyes a little and giggled when she saw him. I don't know why. She didn't know she was being held over the edge of a cliff, but I don't imagine Cayden's expression could have been friendly. But he seemed to be looking at her, not preparing to let go.

"That's what you'd be doing. You'd only hurt us. You wouldn't feel any better. Is revenge worth it?" I almost didn't heard the last words myself. I could barely see straight from sheer terror.

Cayden didn't answer. Mae had stopped giggling and was starting to get upset. She wiggled to try to get free of his hands.

"No, Mae!" I said. "Stay still!"

But Cayden's strong arms held her out without any trouble. He stood completely still, just looking at her. At least I thought that was what he was doing, because I couldn't see his face.

"Lee-lee, me want up!" she said, and stretched her arms out toward me.

Cayden slowly lowered her and faced me. "You can come take her now, Aliyah," he said.

I took her with shaking hands and stepped back from the drop of the cliff. "Cayden, you psychopath! You could have killed her! You didn't want to hurt me, remember? This is the best way of hurting me there is. Don't you understand? Sometimes things just don't work out."

"You don't even believe that yourself."

I realized he had tears on his face. I'd only seen him cry once before, when he was about to leave for college. But this was different. It was like he had broken. Just like Bindi when I'd gone to see her a year after her marriage with Cayden.

"Cayden, you need help. Get yourself in the clinic with your mom." I realized it was an awful thing to say right after I'd said it. It hadn't been my intention to hurt him. Despite the fact that he'd just almost tossed my daughter off the edge of a cliff, hurting him was still remarkably similar to hurting myself.

Cayden closed his eyes. I tried to say something but the words stuck in my throat. Instead I headed back toward the car as fast as I could with my knees still turned to pudding and Mae in my arms. I buckled her into the car seat and drove off toward home.

Of course I lost my way. I could barely see between the darkness and my tears. We skidded off a muddy part of the road and went headlights-first into a ditch. Mae was screaming in the back seat. I vaguely thought I must have hit my head because my vision had blurred and I found myself lying across the co-pilot seat with no memory of bending over.

We must have landed on the water, I thought. We're on the sea. That's why the car is moving. We're floating.

I tried to sit up, afraid we might sink, but I couldn't get my limbs to respond. My head didn't seem capable of sending signals to my body. I heard a groan and realized it came from my mouth. Was I in pain? I didn't know.

Then I heard sirens and saw flashing red and blue lights. Why are there policemen in the sea? I wondered. Maybe they're mer-policemen. My own giggle frightened me. Had I damaged something?

"Ma'am, are you all right?" came a voice from somewhere. It could be anywhere. I couldn't tell any directions apart. For all I knew it was speaking from the depths of the sea.

All I could get out in response was "Murgh." It frightened me more, because I'd really made an attempt at speech. Had I lost the ability to do that, too?

"She's in shock. She doesn't look hurt, though," said the voice.

"Lee-lee!" I heard Mae scream.

"Mae!" I said.

"She's all right," said the voice. "She's not hurt. We're going to get you out."

I must have blacked out, because I remember lying in my bed not long afterward. Dr. Hugh bent over me.

"Are you feeling all right, Aliyah?" he asked.

"Yes," I said. "I'm fine." Relieved because I could speak I tried to sit up. My head pounded a little bit, but otherwise I felt okay. "Am I?" I asked, suddenly nervous.

"Yes, you should be. You just had a bit of a shock. In a few hours you should be all right. Just a bump on your head, that's all. You're lucky. You missed a tree by a few yards."

"Is Mae all right?"

"Just frightened." But his mouth tightened and I knew she was more than frightened. She was probably traumatized. I lay back down and stared at the ceiling as everything started coming back.

At least it was over, right? Cayden would leave me alone now. The worst had passed. Everyone was alive, even though we would carry scars for a while. We would be fine.

We would be fine. Wouldn't we?
Thank you for reading! I'm really sorry about the delay. Chapter 19 is tomorrow.

[MoonsAreBlue]

Bad Cayden! He really needs to get in line. I hope everyone will be okay.

[JudesSims]

Wonderful!