Kleptomania
Iris: Thank you for coming to my graduation. I love you all. I'd like to thank my mum and dad for being there for me...
It's not the Oscars.
Gabrielle: I'm so hungry, if she doesn't stop soon I might have to eat a horse.
Albert: Get a beefburger.
Mary: I hope she didn't notice I was late.
Ethel: Ohhhh, family unity. Isn't that sweet!
Get in the shot.
Ethel: No.
A disaster happens coming out of the ceremony. Nobody's harmed, but Albert is embarrassed.
Daniel: Love you, little girl.
Peggy: I love you too Daddy, but you don't know which twin I am do you?
Daniel: Yes, of course I do! It's not my fault you look similar, can't you be more different?
Mary: More different is really bad grammar, Dad.
Daniel: And then they all lived happily ever after.
Josie: I like your stories Daddy. But when can I start reading them alone?
Daniel: When you're older.
Josie: I'm older than I was yesterday.
Daniel: And younger than you will be tomorrow. Can't you stay young?
I notice how you've started saying that again now they're out of nappies.
Daniel: Nappies STINK.
Josie: Only Peggy's did.
Oh dear. Teen pranks have got a little out of hand lately round here.
Mary: What's happened now?
Don't look in the mirror.
Mary: Ethel! How could you! It's prom tomorrow and the yellow won't come out!
Ethel: Maybe if you were as much of a genius as you think you are, you'd know how to reverse the permanent dye.
Mary: Permanent?
Mary: I hate you.
Ethel: Sorry, did someone say something?
Mary [louder]: I HATE YOU!
All capitals is considered shouting.
Mary: I AM SHOUTING!
Oh dear. Maybe I should build them separate rooms now.
Mary and Ethel: Yes please.
And to add insult to injury, she gets caught in one of Albert's pranks.
Mary: ETHEL!
I said Albert's pranks.
Ethel, what's this?
Ethel: Stuff I stole.
Why the wall chart?
Ethel: I'd have said the sword was more noteworthy. That one was difficult to get past the metal detectors in the police station.
I get why you might want an antique sword. I don't get why you might want a kids wall chart.
Ethel: To be honest, I don't know why I wanted it either.
Ethel: And before you ask how I got those home, piece by piece.
Words fail me. I give up.
The non-problematic child practices his guitar. He's picked a lifetime wish already to become a Hit Movie Composer.
Oh not again.
Ethel: I though you gave up.
I did. I'm here to despair, not stop you.
Ethel: Well, don't mind if I ignore you then. This bench is going to be tricky enough to fit in my pocket without you disturbing me. And yes, I can hear you sighing.
Gabrielle: I'm glad you're doing well at school and in your skills dear. What is it again, athletics and bass?
Albert: Logic and guitar.
Gabrielle: Well, nearly.
Peggy: Mary, why do you have yellow hair?
Mary: Ethel.
Peggy: She's not very nice is she. Shall we gang up against her?
Daniel: Do you think we've done a good job with them?
Gabrielle: I think so. None of them have died, anyway. Or failed at school.
Daniel: That has to count for something when you have six.
Gabrielle: I think we've earned our retirement.
