Zombies in the Family WayWe start with a birth. Meet Albert CrumpleSteel. It was about time we had a boy this generation. I've not been influencing the genders.
Daniel: I was beginning to feel very outnumbered.
Gabrielle: You're still outnumbered.
Daniel: Shhh.
Iris has so far enjoyed a skill-free childhood of dressing like a princess and riding a rocking horse.
Iris: Fly! Fly you fools!
When I say skill-free, I mean listening to photography tabcasts.
Iris: It's not a tabcast. It's a device by which I can keep in contact with other anti-shark activists. And by which they give me lessons in photography in between sightings.
That sounds suspiciously like a photography tabcast to me.
Iris: Daddy... can I have a camera?
Daniel: How did you get so big?
Iris: I grew. Can I have a camera?
Daniel: A camera? I remember when you were so tiny I was scared of dropping you, and now you're so big I'm not sure I could pick you up...
Iris: If you get me a camera I won't grow anymore.
Daniel: Done.
Daniel: You won't grow will you, Ethie?
Ethel: Never call me Ethie.
Iris: Mum... can we shark-proof the house?
Gabrielle: Shark-proof?
Daniel: There's no water nearby, they can't get here.
Iris: That's what you think. But we have custard, and there's such a thing as Shark Infested Custard you know. You have to be very careful to buy reputable custard.
Gabrielle: One day my life will become sane again.
Not with four children it won't.
Albert's birthday comes and he's on the floor next to the rocking horse.
He ages up alone. Luckily he's too young to notice.
Albert: Goo.
Gabrielle: Stop trying to guilt trip me, or you can change Mary's nappy!
He's got some really awesome pink eyes. I'm not sure who he takes after.
Iris: I can't believe they put me in time-out for rigging the sinks up to be shark proof. It's not my fault their taps weren't safe.
Gabrielle: Come on Albie. That's a good boy. Walk to Mummy.
Albert: Okay!
Ladies and gentlemen, introducing the first CrumpleSteel baby to ever agree with toddler training.
Gabrielle: Finally no nooboos in the house, finally everyone is old enough to use the toilet by themselves. Freedom at last. I'm surprised any of my plants are still alive, the little amount of time I've had to look after them lately.
Daniel: I wouldn't be so sure about 'old enough to use the toilet'.
Gabrielle: Why are you damp?
However, the house will not be staying nooboo free for long.
Gabrielle: I feel like a factory.
And to add insult to injury, the last remaining plants might not live long. I can't believe I forgot to fence them in.
Hospital Escapee Paparazzi: A zombie party! EPIC!
But... who is this one?
Kieran?
Noooooooo!