Chapter 50: Cooking up A ChapterMy name is Heath Seraphim. When Mom came back from China, she told me I should do a section of the family’s record.
It seems kind of… Silly? Like, I don’t just see why Great-Grandma Ariel (Who says
”Just call me Ariel, or Grandma Ariel, honey; it’ll save in the long run.” I guess she means when she’s a ghost? She’s just about the oldest person in the world. I’m glad we got to meet like this.) doesn’t just do it; it’s be all in her words, nice and smooth and tidy, right? So that’s better. It’s got to be.
But I’ll do what I’m told. I hope…Uhhh…Whoever you are? I hope you enjoy this, whoever you are!
I already mentioned Grandma Ariel, so why don’t I say a little about the rest of my life? I live with my mother, who’s a world-travelling martial artist, and my father who’s a detective. Mom says they’re champions of justice! I’m not sure what Mom is doing for justice… But I think it’s better not to stay stuff like that. I also live with my 2 grandmas, and my grandpa. I’ve got another grandpa, but he doesn’t live here, because he’s a vampire. I don’t get it... Being a vampire seems ok. Nothin’ special.
Grandpa Reed is a really good cook…
So I’ll give it a try, too. I need to do something to make life easier on everyone, so it’ll be muffins.
Besides, Grandpa’s too busy making kissy-face with Grandma Aster. They’ll be at it all day, so I’m not gonna get food unless I do it myself.
”Uhh, Heath, kiddo? You may want to know what they’re up to…” That’s Mr. Uriel. He’s…I dunno. He’s not a ghost, but he’s not a living thing. I think he’s pretty cool, just seeing everything and being invisible and doesn’t afraid of anything.
“Nah, I really don’t. Bleg.”
”I tried to get him to stop you two woo-hoo maniacs…But nooo….””It’s the inaugural bed-use! It’s a ceremonial right and someone has to perform it! It’s just unfortunate Heath’s soul isn’t enlightened as the sacrifice yet!” ”…We should probably wash the sheets.””Wash the sheets… And never tell him. EVER.”Uriel took the record from me for a bit. Dunno why.
”Come! Witness the renovations to the one, the mighty, the training room!”“You mean the gym, Mom?”
”Heath, what did I tell you about calling things things?”“’Always go for the more epic?’”
”That’s right, dear!”
“Anyway, it’s nice that you redecorate the room.”
”Darn right! Bask in the glory! Train with me, my son!”“…I’m going back downstairs to make muffins.”
”Noooo! Rejected! Forlorn!”Oh, something good happened before I left for school today.
”Ariel my dear, I have a big announcement!””Oh?””As of that last tree’s moneybags… We are millionaires!””Really? Golly...It seems so far from where we began..."”The rich get richer. That’s the law of this world.””Oh, and I suppose our being immortal has nothing to do with it, of course.””…Well…If you put it that way….”Grandma Ariel smiles brightly.
”Perhaps I shall invest in a jaunty tophat and monocle to celebrate. I bet I could be like that cartoon duck on the TV, and just roll around in it.””Hey, what about me?””… You can’t use money…So I, my dear, am a millionaire. You remain my steadfast Uriel, as always.””No fair! No fair!”They laugh.
“When something’s strange in the neighborhood”
”Who you gonna call?””Ghostbusters!””Ghostbusters!”
”Whut. What is this?”“I’m doing Karaoke with great-great-grandpa Norman!”
”I see that! I mean…What? How? Why?””When I showed up, he introduced himself. We got to talking, and he mentioned he wanted to try out this blasted machine.””…Really? …Well, OK. The fact that he’s a ghost doesn’t bug you, kiddo?”I turn the machine back on.
“I aint afraid of no ghost.” I shrug. “He’s family. The fact that he’s dead is just OK.”
”Awww…That’s mighty sweet.”
”Oh, I see…So even gnomes get older, too.””You….You think they’ll die, Ariel?””I do rather hope not.””…””Uriel?””I-I mean, I hope you die, you dumb gnomes! See if I care!””Oh, Uriel…*giggle*”In the morning, Grandma Aster looks over a project long in the making.
”Yes, my army, yes… We shall run the earth with the hound as our vanguard, and dominate the artistic world by dominating this world! And maybe re-instate Pluto as a planet!””…Yeaaaahh…Good luck with that…”
”But first, we must defeat my nemesis, my own hand! Sculpture army, to my aid!”To the surprise only of Grandma Aster… They didn’t exactly leap out and help.
”Like all mad creators, I am turned on by my creations in the end! I only ask that you do the ‘chase me through the artic’ thing first!”I’ve been baking a lot of sweets, and wanted to do the practical thing by making some money with them. There was a simfest in the park, so I thought I’d take advantage of the crowd.
No luck. I come home in defeat…
But I did find Grandma Ariel hoping to help me with my homework.
”’What do you want to do with your life?’ Well, your teacher sure asks interesting questions. Is it right to truly know what you want to do ‘with’ your life? Not in it, but as a resource to be used? I think the Existentialists would argue that…”“…I think I just want to cook, Grandma Ariel. Maybe find a way to make cookie monsters.”
”That sounds like a fine answer, Heath.””What do you think the odds of making cookie monsters are?””A boy can dream. A boy can dream.”But then Grandma Ariel had her own ghost to deal with…
I think there’s something really nice about that, and I hope whoever’s reading that thinks so, too.
Dad got promoted! He’s at the top of his career now… But all he can think about is how loud Mom’s miner is.
”Ahhhhhh! Reed, what the heck is that?!””You like it? I sculpted it today…”
”Haven’t thought of a name yet, but I bet he’ll be happy with the others.””…Yes. All the others. All. All. The other…. Gnomes….*audible spasm of terror*””Sometimes I wonder if you’re alright in the head there, Uriel. I really do.”“I think they’re funny!”
”…Of course you do. But look! Look at their eeeevil!”
”They’re consulting Aster’s sculpture-army! We’re lucky they don’t realize it won’t work!”“It kind of looks like they’re admiring the sculptures. They’re pretty, and there are a lot of them… I bet it’s like going to a museum for them.”
”That’s what they want you to think.”…Well, anyway, it’s not like the statues are actually an army, so why worry?...But I don’t think Mr. Uriel would listen to that.
Another day, another failed attempt at making a sale…
“Dad, I can see you there.”
”I know, but I don’t want to scare off any of your customers and keep an eye on you.”“Thanks, but I don’t think I’ll have any customers tonight. Wanna do homework?”
”Of course!”
“So, how do the bush-things work?”
”It’s a psychological phenomenon. Basically, people only notice things their personal views of the world can handle. The rest is filtered out so that the person doesn’t have to deal with it. Most people’s brains go ‘eee-yup, I don’t want to deal with a guy covering his face with leaves,’ and so they kind of ignore my existence.”“Huh. People are weird – what’s so weird about that?”
”…Relative to our house?...Nothing, really.”The next day was Mom and Dad’s birthdays!
Mom got to the cake…
And aged-up with a midlife crisis. She declared, loudly, that she was “In Crisis!”
Then it was Dad’s turn.
Sparkles must be pretty scary…
But he looks the same to me, and no midlife crisis, either.
Yeah, this feels like a good place to stop. I’ll let Mom control it from here.
Orchid's Requirements:Lifetime Wish: Physical Perfection Career: Sports
Supermax Skill: Martial Arts
Building/Property: Everfresh Supermarket, Riverfront Swim Club
LTR: Opportunistic, Learned Relic Hunter, Jetsetter
Best Friends: Aster Seraphim, Reed Seraphim, Ariel Seraphim, Linden Seraphim, Waylon Shwarz, Jamie Neff, Nelson Rosa, A bunch of old people (darnit...Also, I need to make this list up better. I keep forgetting to write down their names), like half of China Black Ops: Mustle Hustle, The Ultimate Challenge, Ticket Counting, Meditation Benefits, Health and Wellness Seminar
Portraits: Toddler, Child, Teen, YA, Adult
Sculptures/Photographs: Toddler (sculp&photo), Child (sculp&photo), Teen (Sculp&Photo), YA (Sculp&Photo), Adult (sculp and photo)
Heath's Requirements: Lifetime Wish:
Career:
Supermax Skill: Cooking
Building/Property:
LTR: Speedy Cleaner
Best Friends:[/b] Linden Seraphim, Orchid Seraphim
Black Ops:
Portraits: Toddler, Child
Sculptures/Photographs: Toddler (Sculp and Photo), Child (Sculp and Photo)
