CHAPTER NINE – Teal
Things were not going well for Teal. First of all, he got blamed for a booby-trap that his younger sister Skye had set.
Then he had to skip work because of Skye’s graduation. His boss had a fit when he told him and said he was lucky he wasn’t getting fired. Teal had been close to getting a promotion, but he could tell that wasn’t going to happen any time soon.
The other bad thing that happened that day was that Jacklyn, the girl he’d had a crush on in high school, made it clear to him there was no way she intended to break up with her boyfriend. To make matters worse, Skye overheard the whole thing.
“I can’t believe you said that,” she giggled.
“What?” said Teal.
“I quote: ‘I’ve got a new double bed at home if you’d care to help me break it in,’” said Skye. “I can’t believe that’s your idea of a pick-up line.” She giggled again.
Back at home, both his mother and father were dropping not-so-subtle hints that he might benefit from professional counseling. “If anyone can straighten you out, it’s that therapist I saw,” said his father. “Jennifer Something.”
“Freud,” said his mother. “And you know, you did have a traumatic experience when you were a little boy, seeing that man die and then seeing me give birth. That might explain why you have so much difficulty with social skills.”
Teal wanted to protest that his social skills were just fine, thank you, but the evidence was against him. Even though he’d been valedictorian, his classmates had voted him “Most Likely to Offend Others.” He just called it the way he saw it, but apparently some people had trouble with honesty.
Some people like Jacklyn, and the woman runner he tried to pick up, who turned out to be his boss’s sister. He paid her a compliment, and she reacted like he’d said she smelled funny. He couldn’t even get Jacklyn to come over anymore. She was starting to play head games with him too, saying she’d be over in a little while, and then calling back to say something had come up.
Dr. Freud’s first recommendation was that he try painting pictures of how he felt. When he showed her the pictures, she observed that he made heavy use of the ultramarine shade of blue. “Do you think the color indicates that you feel blue?”
“Duh,” said Teal. “I live in a basement bunker with my parents and my sister. I can’t go anywhere except to work and the library. I’m supposed to get married and have a child to carry on this “restoring similization” project my mother keeps talking about, but there’s not a woman in this town who will let me get within five feet of her. And to top it all off, I can’t go anywhere at home without tripping over a ghost.”
“I think you might be exaggerating a trifle,” said Dr. Freud.
Teal shrugged. “You’re not bad-looking,” he said. “Would you like to contribute to the bloodline?”
Dr. Freud’s recommendation that week had been to take a class in charisma and not return for any more therapy sessions.
The charisma class was a real eye-opener for Teal. He learned how to make a charming introduction, how to offer praise appropriately, and even how to flatter. Teal resolved to practice his lessons on the first good-looking woman he encountered.
Her name was Cheri Blalock, and she was thrilled to be meeting the guy who had single-handedly captured a burglar. Teal wasn’t used to being on the receiving end of compliments, but he thought he could handle it. At that moment, disaster struck.
Teal recognized the man – it was Greg Jean, who had visited the house to play chess with his mother. He felt badly about his dying, but he didn’t want his first chance at romance going down the tubes because of it. Desperately, he fell to his knees and pulled out the diamond ring he’d been carrying around ever since he’d graduated from high school.
To Teal’s utter amazement, Cheri accepted his proposal. She even agreed with him that they might as well get married right away, seeing as how they were there at City Hall already.
The rest of the family was asleep when he brought Cheri home. He and Cheri were pretty exhausted themselves, so they stumbled downstairs to bed. “What made you decide to marry me?” he asked, as they were cuddling.
“You’re rich,” she said. And then she turned over and went to sleep. It had never occurred to Teal that Cheri might be a gold-digger.
