I rarely allow my Sims to throw parties and never once they have kids and I'm trying to control more than 2 Sims at a time.
I hate parties because of all the issues you've raised. But I have a room in my basement where I lock alway all the skill objects that party guests like to use but just creates work for my Sim, like the Professional Bar, the sculpting station, easels, chemistry lab, etc. It solves some of those problems. I make party drinks, romantic drinks, sorrow annihalators, and even skill drinks but I won't make energy drinks, the less time other Sims spend at my house, the less I have to clean or fix.
I hate the party guests who grab to a plate, place it on the table but before they sit down to eat, they talk to another party guest and forget about their food. So they grab another plate... and forget that one too... and it goes on. As watcher, I spend the party clearing plates as much as I can so Sims don't wash up and break the sink which is only upgraded to self cleaning.