Figuring It Out

[Ally3772]

Chapter List:

Chapter One: Welcome Home!
Chapter Two: Getting Out
Chapter Three: First Steps
Chapter Four: Dealing with It
Chapter Five: Unexpected
Chapter Six: Assumptions and...Cheese?
Chapter Seven: Unpredictable
Chapter Eight: Learning
Chapter Nine: Back on the Wagon
Chapter Ten: Growing
Chapter Eleven: Shell Shocked
Chapter Twelve: Healing
Chapter Thirteen: A Night Out
Chapter Fourteen: Progress
Chapter Fifteen: Come Home to Me
Chapter Sixteen: Keeping Busy
Chapter Seventeen: Silence
Chapter Eighteen: Shock
Chapter Nineteen: Picking Up the Pieces
Chapter Twenty: A New Chapter
Chapter Twenty One: Acceptance
Chapter Twenty Two: Next Steps
Chapter Twenty Three: Another Bump
Chapter Twenty Four: Tough Conversations
Chapter Twenty Five: A Day Out
Chapter Twenty Six: Hiding Something
Chapter Twenty Seven: Baby Steps
Chapter Twenty Eight: Unclaimed
Chapter Twenty Nine: Fish Out of Water
Chapter Thirty: Conflicted
Chapter Thirty One: Making Room for Happiness
Chapter Thirty Two: Training
Chapter Thirty Three: Moving Slow
Chapter Thirty Four: The Truth
Chapter Thirty Five: Meetings
Chapter Thirty Six: Promises
Chapter Thirty Seven: Changes
Chapter Thirty Eight: Moving On
Chapter Thirty Nine: Figuring It Out

[Ally3772]

Chapter One: Welcome Home!

"Put me down! I'm too heavy!" I protested.

"You are not! Stop that!" Ian scolded.

"What are you doing?" I laughed.

"It's tradition to carry the bride over the threshold!" He told me.

"We're in the bedroom now! I think you can put me down before you hurt your back!" I giggled.



My name is Raegan. I was a single child and grew up in broken household with parents who could barely get along for five minutes. They stuck it out though and remained married up until three years ago. Three years ago was when my life was turned upside down and not for the better. They had their faults, but I loved my parents and I knew they loved me back. I was walking out of the local craft store when I received a phone call from the hospital. My parents were involved in a car crash and neither of them survived. Ian and I were just shy of a week of making it official and life was great. He dropped everything to be with me at the hospital when I had to make sure that they were my parents. I was positive that Ian was going to dump me after seeing me at my worst. But to my surprise he offered me his bed to sleep in temporary while I found a new place to stay. The more things became more serious with us the less I looked for a place of my own.

Ian came from a loving home, but was also a single child. His parents tried to have more children after him but we never successful. I always joked with him that it was a good thing because he could be a handful at times. Which was the joke part because out of the two of us I was the handful. He lost his father last year to cancer and it was rough to watch him be so broken and helpless. He grew closer to his mother after though because he was all she had left. They had lunch frequently and he was her go to for anything she needed done around the house. Ian has this way about him that makes you feel safe and comfortable. He knows when I'm upset before I even know half of the time. He did have questionable taste in friends though, which was who we stayed with after my parents passed away. He had lived with a few buddies for a year and a half before I moved in and all they did was party.

"Let's take some pictures!" Ian suggested.

"Our first home!" I said as he held the camera out.




"Are you ready to see the place?!" Ian asked.

"I'm so excited!" I told him.

Ian proposed to me a year and a half ago and we were married in a small ceremony last month. Ian was so excited to start to look for a place for us to finally be alone together without all of the constant partying. I spun around and took in the room all while trying to keep a smile on my face. There were holes in the wall and the hardwood floor looked like it had been through the ringer. We didn't have much to bring with us, but thankfully the past owners left a few things behind. Ian wasn't able to bring the bed so he had to go to a camping store for a temporary air mattress. I could tell that Ian was waiting for me to say something but I didn't know how to seem like I wasn't disappointed.

"So, what do you think?" He asked.

"It's... nice!" I said.

"I know there's holes in the wall, but we can patch those up!" He promised me.

"Is that a mouse hole?" I asked.



Ian came over to me and looked at it.

"Oh, the landlord said we don't have to worry about those!" Ian said.

"Great." I said.

"Come on! Let's go see the living room!" He said.

He grabbed my hand and led me to the living room. I had to stop myself from gasping when I saw what was on the floor. I somehow missed it when he carried me through the room to the bedroom.

"Ian, is- is that a outline of a body?!" I gasped.



"It is, but look! The landlord gave us this!" He told me.

I looked up at him as he grabbed a rolled up rug from the corner. I helped him move some things and spread the rug over the horrendous outline.

"See! Better already!" He said.

The bathroom was tiny, but it seemed to be the best room in the apartment. There also was a spare room with a cheap computer and a painting easel in the corner. It was in rough condition as well with giant cracks in the wall. It looked like a giant spider with so many different cracks but Ian swore it was an easy fix. I was trying so hard to remain optimistic, but I had this vision of our first place being beautiful. I walked towards the kitchen to find outdated cabinets and appliances and even more cracks in the wall.

"The windows have a great view of the city, don't they?" Ian asked.

"Oh yeah!" I said.



He walked over and could sense my hesitation.

"Look, I know this isn't what you imagined. But I know that if there is anyone who can fix this place up to make it a home it's you. You are the most creative person I know, and you are going to great with your shop!" He assured me.

I smiled, "You think so?"

"I know so." He said.

He pulled me into his arms.



Ian and I talked about finances before moving in. Ian was starting a new job at as a tech guru at a local business starting off as a live chat support agent. I recently quit my job at a diner downtown to pursue my dream of owning my own craft shop. I wasn't the best at it yet but with practice I knew I could do it. Ian was nothing but supportive of my dream and that was all I needed to throw caution to the wind. Of course if it failed I would get another job but I wanted to try this out.

"Are you hungry?" He asked.

"A little." I told him.

"I'll make us some food!" He said, giving me a kiss.

I smiled and sat down at the table.

I looked down and picked at some thread on my jeans. I wasn't always so heavy, in fact I was always made fun of for how skinny I was. I got a little chubby after high school and then later gained most of my weight after my parents died. I didn't know how to process the sudden loss of both my parents unexpectedly that I turned to food for comfort. It's been three years and there was something still holding me back from losing the weight. Ian didn't miss a beat though because every time I mentioned my weight or how big I was he would insist that I was the most beautiful woman he's ever seen. I usually rolled my eyes and told him he was blind, but it usually was enough to pull me out of my self pity party.

"Here is some food for my beautiful bride." He said.

"Thank you sweetie." I said.



"Did you talk to your mom today?" I asked.

We were now sitting on the couch together.

"Yeah, she sounds better." He told me.

"Good, she had that cold for almost a week!" I said.

He leaned his head against mine and I sighed in content closing my eyes.



"Are you ready for your first day?" I asked him.

"Nervous, but yeah I'm excited." He told me.

"You'll do great." I said.

"Do you think if I get fired though I can work for you?" He joked.

"Of course! We can knit hats together!" I giggled.

"Perfect." He said.

"Speaking of which, I need to get some hats made!" I said.

"Well, I will leave you to it then. I'm going to get a head start on the orientation they sent me earlier." He told me.

I picked up the yarn and my needles and smiled as I watched Ian walk into the office.



"Ouch!" I gasped as I poked myself.

It wasn't the picture perfect house, but Ian had a point when he said we can turn it into a home. It would be kind of fun to have a project in between knitting hats and other things that I would learn to make. Every couple had to start from scratch so why should we be any different? It wouldn't be easy that was for sure but together I had no doubt that we would figure it out.

I couldn't wait.

I didn't plan on posting this tonight! But I couldn't wait any longer! I hope you enjoy

[Ally3772]

Chapter Two: Getting Out

"What are you doing?"

Ian chucked as he walked into the bedroom to find me on the floor with my legs crossed.



"Praying to the crochet gods." I said.

"That what now?" He asked.

"The crochet gods, so that people buy my hats." I explained.

"Are you sure it works that way?" He laughed.

"I don't know, but I need a miracle." I said.

"I'll leave you to it then." He said.



Once I was done putting my hopes into the universe I got up off the floor and went to find where Ian went. He was in the office practicing some programming like he normally did when he got home from work. He was really enjoying his job so far and made a few friends even. His boss said that it had been a while since he found such a hard worker. I was so proud of him and I know that he was proud of himself as well. I walked into his office and looked over his shoulder to all of the numbers and letters that meant nothing to me.

"How do you make sense of that?" I asked.

"Sometimes I don't honestly." He told me.

"Are you hungry? I can start dinner!" I offered.

"Can we wait a little? I had a big lunch with the guys." He said.

"Yeah! No problem!" I said.



"Um, actually would it be okay if I went to check out that food stall downstairs?" I asked him.

"Yeah! Bring me back some food!" He said.

I gave him a quick kiss before heading out. I walked out the front door, smiling as I head laughter from inside our neighbors apartment. We hadn't officially met them but from what we've heard they seemed like they were going to be fine. I was nervous that we would get the noisy neighbors that would keep us up until all hours of the night. I pushed the button for the elevator and waited for it to take me to the ground floor. It was beautiful outside as I walked across the courtyard to where everything was set up. There was food stall that was surrounded by picnic tables and string lights to light up the area when it got dark out.



"Next!"

I stepped up to the food stall and smiled at the girl running it. She had a blue shirt with a brown apron over it and her hair was auburn. I could tell that she was that bubbly type that never got upset. She flashed me her best smile as I glanced over the menu.

"Hi! What can I get you?" She asked.

"I've never been here before, do you recommend anything?" I asked.

"Oh! Are you new here?!" She gasped.

"Yeah! Just moved in with my husband actually." I told her.

"Wonderful! Well, everyone seems to love the egg rolls." She told me.



"Great, I will try those! I also need a order to go for my husband." I said.

"Coming right up!" She said.

I paid for the food and when it was ready I took my plate and the bag. I walked over to this guy who was playing his guitar for tips. He was pretty great! I stood there with a few other people that were here just listening to him.

"He's good, isn't he?!" Some girl asked me.

"Yeah! He's pretty good!" I agreed.



A Few Hours Later

"Hey, thanks for the egg rolls! They were delicious!" Ian said.

"Right?! It seems like they're a normal thing from what I've seen." I told him.

"Did you have fun?" He asked.

He sat down on the couch. Both of us were now in our pajamas as the night was winding down.

"Yeah! It was nice to get out even if it was just outside the building." I said.

"Good, we should go explore more when we get fully settled." He told me.



I looked at Ian and smiled.

"What?" He asked.

"I love you." I said.

"I love you too." He told me.

He leaned in to kiss me and I was filled with a warmth of love and appreciation. My phone buzzed and I broke the kiss to look at the incoming notification I got from the shop app.

"Someone ordered a hat!" I squealed.

"Really? Babe that's great!" Ian exclaimed.

He gave me another kiss.



"I'm so excited! I'm going to work on another one!" I gasped.

He chuckled, "Alright, I'll leave you to it!"

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"I think I'm going to call it an early night." He said.

"I'll be in soon." I told him.

"Take your time and make us those monies!" He said.



I kept looking at my phone smiling. My first hat! I did it! Even if it was just one and I never sold another one I was proud of myself. I made a mental note to go to the post office tomorrow to ship the girl who ordered her hat! I couldn't wait to finally get up and running and then make this apartment a home.

Just a tiny update! Hope to get another one out tomorrow! =] I hope you've had a great weekend so far!

[Ally3772]

Chapter Three: First Steps

"Thank you so much for coming out so quickly! I was about to leave for the gym and it just started spraying water all over the place!" I said.

The landlord was twisting and turning the wrench as she tried to get the water to stop.

"Not a problem! That's what I'm here for." She told me.

"As far as painting goes, can I fix the cracks and paint the walls?" I asked her.

"Of course, all I ask is that if you do vibrant colors you repaint them a neutral color before moving out." She told me.

"Thank you, Sarah was it?" I said.

"Yes ma'am." She said.



After another twenty minutes of fighting with the pipes she was done.

"Alright, that should do it. Call me again if you have any other issues!" Sarah said.

"Will do! Thank you." I said.

I walked her to the door and waved as she walked to the elevator.

Sarah just left, pipes are fixed -R

Great! Off to the gym? -I

Yes, but I don't want too -R

You got this babe! -I

I put my phone back in my bag and headed out to the gym. It was in town which wasn't far away so I decided to walk instead of calling a cab. Ian had the car at work so I usually had to take a cab until he got home. When I got into the gym I found that it was packed with what looked like mainly high schoolers. I groaned and fought the urge to turn around and go back home, but I stuck it out and pushed forward. I was finally ready to work on getting healthier and losing the weight. I was sick of being self conscious most of the time, but there were days I was comfortable in my own skin. I wanted to do this for me and me alone.

"I got this." I whispered to myself.



I looked at the treadmill and was immediately overwhelmed by all the options.

"A hill option?" I asked.

"I wouldn't start with that one."

I looked over to a young girl next to me.

"It doesn't sound pleasant." I agreed.

"It took a while for me to learn all of it. I'm trying to get into shape to try out for the cheerleading team." She told me.

"I was a cheerleader in high school, I know hard to believe right?" I asked, laughing a little.

"You are making a step to better yourself, nothing wrong with falling down every once in a while." She said.

I looked at her for a few moments trying to blink back tears.

"Thank you." I said.



(Please ignore the little sparkles above her head, I hate that I can't get rid of them...)

After the treadmill I decided to workout on the other machines. There was a bright green machine that allowed you to lift weights with your legs while working on your arms. I decided to focus on the arm weights first.

"I'm heading out! It was nice to meet you!" The girl said, waving.

"Thanks, you too! Good luck on try outs!" I said.

She smiled before heading to the showers. I stood up and walked over to the full length mirror and looked at myself. I knew I wasn't going to see immediate results but there was a small part of me wished that I would.



"I'm always afraid that you're going to poke your eye out when you do that." Ian said.

"What?" I laughed.

"Hold up your needles to your eyes." He said.

I was knitting another hat and had a difficult time seeing a certain stitch.

"I'm not going to poke my eye out." I told him.

"Until you do." He joked.



"How was the gym?" He asked.

"It was fine, I met this girl who was trying to lose weight to try out for the cheerleading squad." I said.

"Ah to be in high school again." He said.

He sat down next to me and flipped the TV on.

Thump! Thump! Bang!

"Is that coming from the neighbors?!" Ian asked.

"I will go ask them to keep it down." I said.

I walked outside into the hall and walked over to their door. I knocked on the door more gently then I wanted too but I didn't want to cause trouble.



I waited for a few minutes for someone to come to the door.

"Hello?"

I saw the door crack open a bit.

"Hi, my name is Raegan. Your neighbor? Can we talk?" I asked.

The lady looked weary before stepping from her apartment and closing the door behind her.

"Can I help you?" She asked.

"Yes, I'm normally a patient person but there was quite a lot of... banging coming from your apartment." I told her.

"Oh! I am so sorry, uh, I was just moving some... furniture around." She said, her cheeks burning red.

"Sounds like fun, I just wanted to let you know that we can hear it." I said.

She shifted her weight looking like she wanted to die right there.



"I will make sure to keep it down, sorry about that." She said.

"Thank you." I said.

We both walked into our apartments. I walked into the kitchen to find Ian standing by the window.

"How did it go?" Ian asked.

"She was moving 'furniture'" I said, making air quotes while I said furniture.

"Ah, yes. Furniture." He giggled.

"She said she's going to keep it down." I told him.

"Come here." Ian said grabbing my hand.

He gently tugged my arm and brought me close to him.



"Well hello." I said, smiling.

"Hi." He said.

"What do you think you're doing?" I asked.

"Nothing, just looking at my beautiful wife." He said.

"That was cheesy." I groaned.

"What do you think of going to move our own furniture?" He asked.

I laughed and let out a little yelp as he picked me up.



"I could go for a little redecorating." I said.

"Good." He said.

I laughed as he carried me to our room and slammed the door.

You have to love noisy neighbors, right?

Also, have this bonus behind the scenes picture I took! What in the world was happening?! I saw Ian talking to a raccoon and this is what I found when I zoomed on him.

[Ally3772]

Chapter Four: Dealing with It

Ian and I were laying in bed. He had to go to bed early for work the next day, but I was going to stay up a little longer.

"Have you heard from your mom lately?" I asked.

Ian sighed, "Yeah, she called me this morning."

"Why did you say it like that?" I asked.

"She said she fell last week. She didn't tell me! Even went to the hospital." He said.

I sat up on my elbow and looked at him.

"Did she break anything?" I asked.

"No, but the doctor was concerned about her mobility." He said.

I stroked his cheek gently.

"She will be fine, we just will check on her more often." I told him.

Ian gave me a small kiss and smiled at me but I knew he was still worried about it. We had talked about possibly putting his mother in an assisted living community a few times now. She was getting older and since he was the only child that she had she was going to need more help. Without Ian living there day in and day out it would be nearly impossible to prevent every accident like this. But half the battle was also convincing her that she needed to be in one as well. She wasn't old enough for a nursing home but a place she would be around people who could help her prevent this situation. She didn't want to be fussed over because she still felt like she could take care of herself. I knew Ian wanted to keep her out of it as well because he could take care of her. I just wanted to make sure we did the right thing for both him and his mother. When I first met Susan she welcomed me with open arms and we hit it off right away. It was exactly what I needed at the exact time because I had just lost my parents. Having a mother figure in my life as I was grieving my own helped in more ways then I could count.

There was a sudden loud noise of music and bass coming from the apartment next to us.

"Not again." I hissed.

I got off the bed with Ian following me. I stormed out of the apartment, losing all of the patience I had the first time. I pounded on the door so hard my fist kind of hurt.



The same girl that I had just talked to days before stepped into the hallway.

"Um, hi again." She said.

"This isn't going to be a thing, just so we're clear." I hissed.

"Look, I didn't mean for the music to get so loud." She said.

"My husband needs to be asleep right now for work. It is almost midnight, who throws a party at midnight?" I asked.

"I truly am sorry, we will turn it down right now." She told me.



"If this is going to be the new normal I'll go to the landlord." I said.

"Honey, it's okay." Ian said.

I took a deep breath.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to snap. I don't know what came over me." I said.

I didn't know where that sudden mood swing came from and I suddenly felt embarrassed.

"No worries, I needed to hear it. We will turn the music down now." She said.

"Thank you." Ian said.

...

"The kitchen looks great babe!" Ian said.

We saved up enough to renovate the kitchen. It didn't have the fanciest of appliances, but we did manage to find beautiful cabinets. The fridge was an egg white color with copper handles and the stove was as close to the color that we could find to match the fridge. The cabinets were a cyan colored wood with light tan marble countertops. We chose a transparent sink that sat on top of the cabinets and it was a perfect fit. We couldn't have a large table yet so we found another small table with better chairs to go in the corner.

"I love it! Thank you so much for helping me with it all." I told him.

"I can't wait to do more home renovation, but maybe not tomorrow." He joked.

He worked so hard building everything. His works friends pitched in to help move the heavy stuff in, but Ian did most of the work. I was in charge of the decorating and painting the walls the nice golden color and picking out a light brown wood flooring. He was beat and tired, but he loved the outcome and we finally had a nice kitchen.

"What are you making?" He asked.

"A rug for the kitchen! It's going to match the counters perfectly." I said.



Along with the newly renovated kitchen Ian also spoiled me with a cart to put all of my craft supplies for my crocheting. I didn't have to get up constantly for more yarn or another crochet needle. I put on a comedy on the television and continued to work on the rug. Before I knew it hours had passed and I was sitting with a finished rug. I stood up and walked into the kitchen and spread it out.

"Ian! Come look!" I called.

He walked into the kitchen.

"Babe! It looks great!" He gasped.




"Thanks!" I said.

Suddenly I felt super nauseous and I put a hand on my stomach.

"You okay?" Ian asked.

"Yeah. I think I'm going to go lay down a little." I told him.

"Of course, I'll make you some tea." He said.

A Week Later

"I'm home!" I announced.

"Hey! How was the flea market?" Ian called from the kitchen.

"Fine, I didn't find anything I wanted though." I said.

I set down my bag on the couch and clutched the paper bag I had in my other hand.

"That's too bad, maybe you will next time babe." He said.

"Maybe, how was your day?" I asked.

"Long, but I was thinking that maybe we do a movie tonight?" He asked.

"Yeah! Sure, just let me go get changed and go to the bathroom." I said.

"I'll make the popcorn!" He called.

I walked into the bathroom after changing into my pajamas. I closed the door and locked it before turning around to look at myself in the mirror. I took a deep breath before unpacking the bag and sitting on the toilet. I followed the instructions slowly and glanced at the time on my phone while I waited.



Bum bum bummmmm...

[Ally3772]

Chapter Five: Unexpected

I shook my leg up and down anxiously as I awaited the right amount of time to be over. I couldn't be pregnant, not right now at least. Ian and I talked about having kids and we both wanted them eventually. Maybe even have several kids so that they would have siblings unlike our childhoods. We didn't have a set plan when to start though I just thought it would be when we had an actual house. But we had just moved into this apartment! Plus what's going on with his mother, it would just be too much to handle. I tapped the test on my leg as I took a deep breath and looked at the time.

"Okay, now or never." I whispered.

It was going to be negative.

Positive.



"Oh no!" I said.

I covered my mouth and began to sob.

"Rae?" Ian called.

I quickly brushed the tears from my eyes, "Coming!"

I walked out of the bathroom just as Ian turned around. All it took was him to look at me for me to start sobbing again.

"Rae?! What's wrong?!" He gasped.

I ran into his arms, "I'm so sorry!"



"Sorry for what? What happened?" He asked.

I was sobbing so hard I couldn't breathe, much less talk.

"Okay, deep breaths." He said.

He looked at me as he breathed with me until I was able to finally speak.

"I took a test." I said.

"What kin- oh." He said.

"I didn't think anything of it, but I hadn't been feeling well so I thought maybe and I'm so sorry!" I cried.

He brushed the hair from my face.

"Well, what was the result?" He asked.

"It was positive." I sobbed.

"Hey hey! No, shhhhh. It's okay, alright? We will figure this out!" He assured me.

He grabbed my face in his hands and looked directly in my eyes. I searched for any anger or disappointment, but instead I found love and maybe even a little excitement. I smiled a little at him as he wiped my tears away.



"We don't have the room for a baby Ian!" I sniffled.

"Yes we do, we can make the office into a nursery, and then move the computer into our room! There's that corner we don't use. It would be nice to have a window to look out of when I'm working." He told me.

I thought about it, and he was right about that working. There was no yard though for the kid to run and play but I could always take it to the park to get out of the cramped apartment. Ian pulled me into his arms and I rested my head against his chest. He rubbed my back and just held me making me feel so safe.

"So you think we could do this?" I asked.

"I know we can do this." He said.

"I'm so lucky to have you." I whispered.



Two Weeks Later

"Guess what!" Ian said.

I was sitting on the couch.

"What?" I asked.

"We have new neighbors!" He said.

He put his coat on the hook and rushed to sit down next to me.

"Which neighbors?!" I gapsed.

"The loud ones!" He announced.

"How did you find out?!" I asked.

He told me that he ran into the landlord this morning and she had told him about the new tenants. He didn't have time to tell me about it because he had to get to the office before he was late. Apparently we were not the only people to complain about the noise and Sarah had to make the "unfortunate" decision to kick them out. Sarah told them that the new tenant seemed to be a better fit. She was a single female with a child and had a clean record from her past landlords.

"Do we know her name?" I asked.

"I believe she said Finley." He said.

"And she has a kid?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'm not sure how old. But I thought maybe it was fate, she has a kid and you're pregnant!" Ian said.

"It would be nice to have a friend." I agreed.



"Why don't you go introduce yourself!" He suggested.

"You wouldn't mind?" I asked.

"No! I have some work to get done here." He said.

I gave him a kiss before heading out the door. I took a deep breath before knocking on the door. I fidgeted with my fingers while I waited for Finley to answer the door. It took a few minutes but the door finally opened to reveal a young woman about my age. She had light blonde hair that was pulled back to reveal soft blue eyes. She was wearing a cute black top with a pink patterned skirt that was almost floor length. She saw me and gave me the warmest welcoming smile she could offer.

"Hi! Um, I just wanted to introduce myself. My name is Raegan and I am your next door neighbor!" I said.

"Raegan! Hi! My name is Finley!" She said.

"It's nice to meet you!" I said.

"Would you like to come in?" She asked.

"Sure! Thank you." I said.

She stepped aside and welcomed me into her apartment. It was small like ours, with a kitchen and bathroom, and the living room was also the bedroom.

"Can I get you anything to drink?" She asked.

"No, I'm good but thank you." I said.

We walked over to sit down on the couch.

"So, how long have you lived in the building?" She asked.

"Not too long. It's been an adjustment for sure, but overall I can't complain." I told.



A little girl clumsily made her way over to the couch and looked up at me obviously curious as to who I was. She was a toddler with the cutest dress and short blonde hair and the same soft blue eyes as Finley. It was easy to tell who she took after when you put the two next to each other.

"Well hello." I said.

"This is my daughter Hannah. Hannah, this is our new neighbor Raegan!" She introduced us.

"Hi Hannah! Oh she is so cute!" I said.

"She gets away with a lot because of that." Finley giggled.

"Up!" Hannah said.

"Oh, not right now Hannah." Finley said.

"I don't mind!" I said.

I walked over to Hannah and scooped her up in my arms.



"She'll ware you out if you let her." Finley told me.

"I'm sure she can! I should probably get used to it though." I said.

"Oh yeah?" She questioned.

"Yeah, I just found out that I'm pregnant." I said.

"Oh congratulations! I hope at least." She said, nervously.

"It was a surprise for sure, my husband Ian and I weren't trying, but I guess life has a way of throwing you curveballs." I laughed a little.

"That's for sure." She agreed.

Hannah gave a big yawn before snuggling into my shoulder.

"She seems to like you." Finley said, smiling proudly.



"Are you married?" I asked.

"Used to be, that's why I'm here now actually." She said.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring something up." I said.

"Oh! No you're fine. Hannah's fathers name is Jason and we just grew apart. The divorce was finalized last week which was perfect timing for the opening of this place. It's small but it will do for now." She told me.

I put Hannah down before walking back to the sofa.

"Have you have any weird cravings?" She asked.

"Not really, not yet at least. I'm just hoping I don't gain too much weight with this baby. I was trying to lose weight just before I found out I was pregnant." I sighed.

"You are beautiful." She said.

"You think so?" I asked.

"I know so, do you know what people think when they see me?" She asked.

"What's that?" I wondered.

"The typical stereotype. I'm a ditsy blonde with blue eyes that has no idea what is going on at any given time. I learned to shake them off a long time ago because it doesn't matter what people think of me, as long as I know who I am." She said.



"Wow, that was deep for a ditsy blonde." I said.

She cracked up laughing and I followed suit.

"You're funny Rae. If you want to lose weight then that's great, just do it for yourself. Not some judgmental people with nothing better to do with their lives." She said.

"Thank you. Really, that means a lot." I said.

We talked for a bit longer before exchanging numbers. Finley seemed like a really cool person and I couldn't wait to get to know her better. It was definitely going to be nice to have another mother to talk too and have someone to help me know what's normal and what's not. I slowly was starting to feel excited about this pregnancy and let myself be okay that life wasn't going the way we had planned. But that was half the fun of it, right?

There's going to be a baby! Also, thank you for 100 views already! =]

[Ally3772]

Chapter Six: Assumptions and...Cheese?

I screamed bloody murder.

"What?! Are you okay?!" Ian gasped rushing in.

"There's roaches! Roaches all over!" I screamed.

I pointed to the corner of the kitchen where they were climbing up the wall and under the rug.

"I'll call Sarah." Ian said.

I shivered as I backed up to the wall. Sarah came right away with some kind of bug killer in a spray bottle.

"They came out of no where!" I explained.

"Sometimes this happens, this should take care of them." Sarah told me.



She finished spraying and even swept up after she was done. We thanked her again and walked her to the door.

"I'm glad that's over. I hate bugs." I shivered.

"You scared the crap out of me." Ian said, chuckling nervously.

"I'm sorry babe, I didn't mean too!" I said.

"I know you didn't." He said.

I gasped.

"What?!" He asked.

"It's moving!" I said.

"Really?!" Ian asked.



"Whoa! There's really a baby in there." Ian said.

I smiled down at him.

"I can't wait to meet him or her." I said.

"And we're sure we don't want to find out the gender?" He asked.

"No, I want to be surprised." I said.

He smiled, "Then we will be surprised."



"Hey Finley!" I greeted.

I walked up to our mailbox to see Finley standing there checking her own mail.

"Oh hey! How are you doing?" She asked.

"Well, I'm finally over the puking stage." I chuckled.

"I swear mine was so bad with Hannah that there were nights I would just sleep on the bathroom floor." She said.



"I have thought about it." I said.

I opened my box and found just a few pieces of junk mail.

"Where is miss Hannah?" I asked.

"With her father this weekend." She told me.

"Is it hard? Having her away?" I asked her.

"Sometimes, but I know she's safe. Jason isn't a bad guy, so I know that she is safe in his care. As much as it stinks that we couldn't make it work I know that I am grateful we can co-parent as well as we do." She said.

I nodded in agreement.

"What are you up too today?" She asked me.

"Ian kicked me out. Said that he had a surprise for me and I wasn't allowed to see." I said.

"That's exciting!" She said.

"Yeah, so I think I'm going to go check out the flea market again. See if I can't spot a cheap crib or something." I mentioned.

"Well, I wish you all the luck!" She said.

We said our goodbyes and I pushed the button to the elevator. Finley was still in the hallway when the door opened, and just as I stepped into the elevator I caught Ian opening our door and letting Finley in. I stopped for a second as I thought the worst and let my heart drop into my stomach. He wouldn't do anything with Finley... Would he?

...

A few hours later I made my way back to the apartment with the same feeling I had when I left. I tried texting Ian a few times but didn't get a response. I opened up the front door and stepped inside before I heard Finley laughing. Apart of me wanted to turn back around and leave before I caught my husband and my new friend. Then apart of me realized I was probably over reacting and should find out what was going on. They must not have heard me walk into the office because when Ian turned around he jumped out of his skin.

"Raegan!" Ian gasped.

"What's going on?" I gasped.

I was standing in what used to be the office.

"You weren't suppose to be home yet." He said.

The walls were painted a faint yellow color. In the corner of the room where my painting easel was sat a yellow chair with a foot rest. Right in front of it was this beautiful crib that was a pale green color with brown bars. Over the crib hung three pictures of elephants, giraffes, and owls. Next to the crib was what looked like a bookshelf but instead of books it had everything we would need for the baby. There was this beautiful tree in the corner with a diaper bag in front of it. More diapers and other supplies sat in a whicker basket shelf next to that. Finally in the other corner was a bassinet for when the baby first got here. He or she would be too small for the bigger crib for a little bit so the bassinet was a perfect size.

"You did all this?" I gasped.

"Well, the heavy lifting. Finley did most of the decorating." Ian told me.

"You did?" I asked Finley.

"Yeah, it was a surprise. Ian asked if I would be willing to help him last week." She told me.

"It's beautiful." I cried.




We invited Finley for dinner but she had to get back home because she worked early in the morning. A few hours later Ian and I were just relaxing in bed talking about everything.

"I can't believe you and Finley pulled that off!" I said.

"I was worried that we wouldn't be able to get you out of the house long enough." He laughed.

"And the huge cracks in the wall! They're gone!" I said.

"They were so hard to get filled. It took like three different tries with the filler." He told me.

"You know, I have a confession to make." I said.

"What's that?" Ian asked.

"I saw Finley walk in the apartment, and my pregnancy brain immediately made me think the worst." I said.

"You thought I was cheating?" He asked.

I looked at him afraid that he was going to be mad at him for thinking it.



"Yeah, for a little." I said.

He started laughing.

"You're... laughing?" I gasped.

"You're adorable." He said.

He leaned over and kissed me on the forehead.

"This pregnancy can make me crazy I suppose." I laughed.

"Well, it'll be over before you know it." He said.

He wasn't kidding because a few weeks later I was already in my third trimester.

"I'm a whale! An even bigger whale." I groaned.

"You are not and never were a whale." Ian corrected.

"Easy for you to say." I said.

"You look beautiful, and to prove that I am going to need a picture." He said.

"Absolutely not." I said.

"Absolutely yes. Now say cheese." He said.



"It's not like I have one of those cute baby bumps." I groaned.

"You're right you don't." He said.

I gasped.

"You have the cutest." He said.

I rolled my eyes.

"That was cheesy." I told him.

"Only the best cheese for my girl." He said.



"Are you feeling okay today?" He asked.

"Yeah, my back hurts though." I told him.

"Let's go relax and put your feet up." He said.

"Won't be long now." I groaned in pain.

We cozied up on the couch all night and watched old movies.

Nursery is set up! Only three more rooms and the apartment will look like a home!

[Metropolis Man]

I love the nursery. My youngest girl just turned 18, and it seems like a lifetime ago when my wife and I set up her nursery room—such special memories. I am enjoying your story. Keep up the great work. There's something about Raegan's face that reminds me of Bella Goth.

[Ally3772]

I love the nursery. My youngest girl just turned 18, and it seems like a lifetime ago when my wife and I set up her nursery room—such special memories. I am enjoying your story. Keep up the great work. There's something about Raegan's face that reminds me of Bella Goth.

18 and your youngest?! That's gotta be a crazy feeling for sure! Thank you and I'm glad you're enjoying the story =] And I never thought about Bella Goth! I knew myself she reminded me of someone I just couldn't place it haha

[Ally3772]

Chapter Seven: Unpredictable

Trigger Warning: Passing out and pregnancy complications!

"Dang it! Ian!" I called.

"What is it?" He asked.

He had just gotten home from work.

"The toilet is busted again! I'm going to call Sarah." I said.

"No, I got it. Go start dinner and I'll take care of it." He said.

"Thank you." I said.



I was making a turkey dinner tonight and I was so excited because I found a new recipe to make off the internet.

"I hope turkey is okay!" I called.

"Sounds wonderful! I'm starving!" Ian said.

I smiled.

"How was your day?" I asked.

"Long, it was slow so it dragged." He told me.



I hummed as I mixed the ingredients for the dressing together. I opened up the oven and slowly poured the dressing over the turkey that was in the process of cooking. I closed the door and wiped my hands on a towel before I felt a sharp pain shoot down my back. I groaned and stretched out before the pain went to my stomach and a gush of water splashed on the floor.

"Oh." I hissed.

I stared at my feet in shock.



I waited a few minutes while breathing through the pain.

"Ian." I said.

I didn't hear anything telling me that he heard me before another contraction ripped through me.

"Ian!" I screamed.

"Rae?!"

He came rushing to my side.

"My water broke, I think this is it." I hissed in pain.



"Okay! Okay don't panic, stay here and I'll go get the bag!" He told me.

"I'm scared." I cried.

"Don't be, I'm right here. I got you." He reassured me.

Ian's POV

They say when you go into shock your surroundings go into slow motion. That time just seems to stop and you see everything as if you're in a thick fog. Well, I can say from experience that all of that is true. I went into our bedroom to find the bag we packed for when it was time to go to the hospital. I left Raegan in the kitchen while I did it and everything was fine. Until suddenly it wasn't.

"Ian!"

My blood turned cold and something shifted in the air. It felt like hours before my brain let my legs move as I dropped the bag and rushed out of the room. That's when everything began to slow down as I first saw Raegan's feet. I ran down the hall to find Raegan on the ground unconscious on her back.

"Rae! Raegan!" I screamed.



"No no! No, come on baby please. Wake up." I cried.

I pulled her into my arms and gently shook her.

"Help! HELP ME!" I screamed.

I held her in my arms and looked down at her.

"Raegan." I cried.



I looked around anxiously before I jumped into action.

"Okay, okay. I got you, we just got to get to the hospital." I told her.

I stood up and picked Raegan up in my arms. Her body went limp in my arms and I was careful to not hit her head against anything.



It felt like years before I finally carried her into the hospital doors. She was immediately taken away on a gurney and I was left standing in the lobby feeling like someone just ripped every one of my organs out of my body. A nurse gently touched my shoulder and handed me a clipboard for information to fill out. She led me to the nearest chair in the crowded waiting room and tried telling me something but it felt like she was talking underwater.

"My wife." I said, my voice cracking.

I looked up at her, her lips were moving but I couldn't hear her. I looked down at the paper on the clipboard and all the letter seemed to be jumbled up. How did they expect people to be able to fill this out when their loved ones were in danger. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before taking it one line at a time. Eventually I had it all filled out and I returned it to the desk before sitting back down. I was handed a cup of coffee by the same nurse as she sat down next to me.

"I don't know what happened. Her water broke and then suddenly I find her on the floor." I whispered.

"I'm sure the doctors are taking good care of her." The nurse said.

The sudden sound of her voice startled me for a minute because I wasn't able to hear it at first.

"When will I know anything? Can I go back there?" I asked.

"Not right now, let me go see what's going on, okay?" She said.

I watched as she walked back to where they took Raegan. I would give my life if it meant that Raegan and our child would survive.

Please.

Hmmm, I was planning finishing this chapter. But maybe a cliff hanger would be better?

NOTE: It was brought to my attention after the chapter was posted that a trigger warning should have been posted. If you read the chapter already and it triggered or effected you I would like to apologize profusely. It was not my intention at all! I just got so wrapped up in writing it that it slipped my mind. Sorry again!

[Ally3772]

Chapter Eight: Learning

Trigger Warning: More mentions of pregnancy complications, needles, and surgery

"There she is"

I groaned hearing someone talking but they sounded underwater. I squeezed my eyes shut before trying to open them once more, when I was able too I blinked a few times to try to get everything to focus. Ian came into view and smiled down at me. I tried to remember what happened but all I remember was cooking and then going into labor. I groaned again and rubbed my eyes noticing that I had an IV in my hand.

"Ian?" I asked, my voice cracking.

"Hey beautiful." He said.

He sat on the edge of my bed and I let my hands fall on my stomach. I instantly started panicking when I realized that I was no longer pregnant.

"Ian?! The baby! Where is-" I gapsed.

"Shhh, everything is alright. The baby is in the nursery." He assured me.

"What happened?" I asked.

"You went into labor, I went to go get our bags and you passed out. I rushed you to the hospital and it turns out your blood pressure spiked causing you to pass out. They tried to get it to go down and to wake you up but they didn't want to risk you or the baby. So they performed and emergency C-Section." Ian explained.

"I don't remember any of that." I told him.

"It was pretty scary." He said.

He grabbed my hand and squeezed it.

I gasped, "Is it a boy or a girl?! Are they okay?!"

Ian chuckled.

"It is a boy, and he is perfect Rae. You did amazing!" He said.

"A boy? You mean I'm going to have to live with two boys?" I asked.

"Hey, we're not that bad!" He laughed.

"Can I see him?" I asked.

"I'll call the nurse." He said.

It took a little to get to see him because the doctor wanted to see me and check all my vitals. Everything seemed fine with me and so half an hour later I was holding our baby boy. I couldn't stop looking down at him. He had the chunkiest cheeks, and it wasn't til that moment I understood what people meant when they said they could eat them up. He barely had any hair, and it was still too early to see what color eyes he would have. I could take a hundred pictures of him and it still wouldn't be enough. Ian was laying next to me on the bed now and we were both staring down at him discussing baby names. We went through lists and lists of names on Simmle and were coming up with nothing.

"What about Lucas?" I asked.

I looked over at Ian who seemed to be contemplating my suggestion.

"Lucas, huh. I love that." He said.

"Well, welcome to the world Lucas." I whispered.

We stayed in the hospital for a few days just to make sure that both of us were healthy. The doctor couldn't really tell us why my blood pressure sky rocketed so much. He told us that sometimes it just happens and unfortunately it happened to me. I was glad when we walked through the door to the apartment though. It felt as if we were in that hospital for a month rather than almost a week. The first night with Lucas was rough for the both of us. He was up almost every single hour and neither one of us got any sleep that night. Ian took a few days off of work which was great for him since he was a zombie.

"Hi little man." I cooed.

He looked up at me.

"Do you like your onesie? I chose a frog because you seemed to bounce around in my tummy a lot." I said.



"I hope you like your room." I said.

He kicked his feet, further proving my frog theory. I didn't know just how much he could hear but I liked to think he could hear me.

"Hey babe, I'm going to run to the store real quick." Ian said, poking his head in.

"Okay! Be safe." I said.

"Always." He said.

"Just us little one." I said.



I put him down for a nap in hopes that I was going to also get some sleep. I laid down on the couch with the baby monitor and just had closed my eyes when my phone went off.

Hey! I know you just got home, but Hannah was asking about the new baby! Let me know when you feel up for visitors! -F

I groaned internally. I was excited for Finley and Hannah to meet Lucas, but I also was dead tired. But on the other hand it would be nice to talk to another mother about everything.

Come on over! -R

Finley showed up carrying Hannah five minutes later. We sat at the kitchen table for a cup of coffee while we talked.

"So how are you feeling?" Finley asked.

"Exhausted, sore, nervous, happy, all of the emotions really." I told her.

"I cried for a week after giving birth to Hannah. It was such a roller coaster of an experience." She said.

"It just all happened so fast, and I didn't even get to witness him being born." I said.

"That must have been really hard." She said.

She gave me a sympathetic smile and reached over to squeeze my hand.



"Poor Ian was scared out of his mind." I told her.

"Jason passed out." Finley giggled.

"No!" I said.

"Yep, right there next to me." She said.

I giggled, "Oh no!"

"Momma!" Hannah called.

"Better go see what she's getting into." Finley said.

"I should go check in Lucas." I said.

"Just two mamas jumping into action." Finley said.



Finley walked into the nursery a moment after I did.

"Do you want to hold him?" I asked.

"May I?" She asked me.

"Of course!" I told her.

"Oh, hi Lucas!" She said.



"He isn't sleeping much, I must look like a zombie." I said.

"That's normal, he'll get on a schedule at one point." She told me.

"Tomorrow?" I asked.

She laughed.

"Oh how I miss this stage. They're so little." She said.

I smiled as I saw her transfer Lucas on her shoulder.



"Baby!" Hannah said.

"That's right, this is a baby. His name is Lucas." Finley told her.

"I hold?" Hannah asked.

Finley looked at me, and I just shrugged not knowing what to say.

"Okay, but just sit there next to Raegan." Finley said.

I helped Hannah get settled and Finley gently set Lucas on Hannah's lap. We surrounded her for extra safety and Hannah looked down at Lucas in amazement. Eventually she got bored of it though and wanted to go play. So I put Lucas down in his bassinet and we went into our bedroom so we weren't so loud.

"Come here you little stinker!" I said.

I bent down and scooped Hannah into my arms.



"Apart of me wishes you had a girl first, I have so much clothes of Hannah you could have." Finley said.

"I thought he was going to be a girl if I'm honest." I told her.

"Mind if I play a game?" She asked.

"Go right ahead." I said.

"Down." Hannah said.

"Hannah, what do we say?" Finley scolded.

"Down pwease." She said.

"Thank you sweetie." Finley said.

I set Hannah down on the floor and sat down on the bed.

"Green!" Hannah said.

She pointed to our inflatable bed.

"That's right!" I said.



They stayed for another hour before heading home. Which was perfect timing because then Ian was home and I could lay down for a bit. I slept for three hours before waking up and realizing that it was quiet. I got out of bed and walked out of the bedroom and into the nursery where I found Ian holding Lucas.

"Is he okay?" I asked.

Ian jumped a little before turning to look at me.

"He is perfect." Ian said.

I walked over to him and looked down at Lucas.

"I never thought I could love someone so much." He said.

"Gee thanks." I teased.

He laughed.



"He is very precious, isn't he?" I asked.

"Mom loved the pictures I sent her." Ian told me.

"We should take him over to visit when she feels up to it." I said.

"She said she is feeling a lot better." He said.

"Good." I said.

"Alright little man, let's try and sleep." He said.



Ian gently placed him in his bassinet and we snuck out.

"Now, how about we try to sleep?" Ian asked.

"Yes please, I feel like I could sleep for days." I said.

We walked into our bedroom and laid down. I took a deep breath before closing my eyes and relaxing.

It lasted about two seconds until Lucas started crying.

I guess we will sleep in another eighteen years.

Meet Lucas! I thought for sure she was going to have a girl but was shocked by a boy!

[Ally3772]

Chapter Nine: Back on the Wagon

"You're only going to be gone a little while." Ian chuckled.

"I feel so guilty for leaving him." I said.

"We will be fine." He reassured.

I looked down at Lucas and stroked his cheek with my thumb.

"Okay, alright. You're right. I'll be back soon little one." I said.

I gently placed Lucas back in his bassinet. I took a deep breath before walking over to Lucas and hugging him.

"You must think I'm being silly." I said.

"No, I think you're being a mother who loves her son." He told me.

"You'll call? If you need me?" I asked.

"Of course! Now go!" He chuckled.

I gave him a kiss before grabbing my bag and heading out the door. It was just a short walk to the gym and it was a beautiful day out. I walked into the gym lobby and scanned my card at the desk and smiling at the receptionist. It was time to get back on the wagon and get to feeling better about myself and just feel better in general. I put my bag in a locker before tying my hair up in a hair tie before walking over to the treadmill.



After a while I decided to get off of the treadmill and try another machine that I couldn't try the last time that I was here. It was rough, it was one of those that you could either work your legs on or your arms. I decided to focus on my arms and within ten minutes I was regretting that.

"You got this." I whispered.



I worked out until I thought my arms were going to fall off. I grabbed a towel and wiped the sweat off of my face as I headed for the showers. After I was showered and dressed before heading back home.

"I'm home!" I called.

"He just went down." Ian said, walking out of the nursery.

"Everything go okay?" I asked.

"Well, almost. We had a small blow out, but after we both were bathed it was smooth sailing." He said.

"I am so very sad I missed that." I chucked.

I walked over and gave him a kiss.

"I'm going to go start dinner." I said.



My phone went off, I stopped stirring and picked it up.

Hannah is being a demon child -F

Lol, what is she doing? -R

She's running around the apartment growling and then laughing -F

You're right, calling my exorcist now! -R

I laughed and put my phone down.

"What's so funny?" Ian asked.

"Fin said Hannah is possessed by a demon, she's running around growling and then laughing." I laughed.

"That's creepy." He said.

"Sit! It's done!" I said.

I was plating his food up and walked it over to him.

"Tell me what you think!" I said.



"Rae! This is good!" He said.

"Really? I just took some of the left over chicken and made some stuffing!" I said.

"It's delicious." He told me.

"Thanks babe." I said, smiling.

Lucas started crying from the nursery and I turned to look at the closed door.

"He's probably also hungry." Ian said.

"I got him, you eat!" I told him.

I walked into the nursery and scooped a crying Lucas into my arms.

"You don't say." I cooed.



We face timed Ian's mom to show her Lucas and she cried when she saw him on video. She wanted to so much to be able to come out but with her health at the moment it wasn't the best idea. We told her that we would try to get out to see her as soon as we could, but we also didn't want to risk it with Lucas. Being a new parent was hectic enough and the thought of traveling was just too much. We were working on setting a schedule up even though it wasn't working at all. Lucas was sleeping more and longer but we were still up at all hours of the night with him. However, I was loving every moment of it. I wouldn't trade being his mother for the world and I would do the traumatic birth experience again over and over.

"I love you little man." I whispered.

He looked up at me and made his grunting sounds he's been making lately. I couldn't wait to see who he was going to grow up to be, and at the same time I didn't want him to grow up too fast. Was that normal? This parenting experience was wild but I couldn't wait for more. I laid him down in the bassinet carefully after feeding him his bottle and slowly walked out of the room.

"Did he go down fine?" Ian asked.

"Yeah!" I said.

"Good, I'm going to go work a little." He said.

"Have fun!" I said.

I picked up my yarn and needles. The business was slow, but more and more people were buying my projects! I've sold rugs, poufs, socks, and a few hats. Right now I was working on another pouf for a girl named Angie. She was expecting her first baby and wanted something to go into the nursery. I already had a nice little card picked out special for this order.



I looked up when Lucas started crying. It hadn't been that long since he ate, I was about to get up when Ian walked out of the bedroom.

"I got him this time." Ian said.

"Thanks babe." I said.

"You just ate mister, what could the problem be?" I heard him ask.

I chuckled.



"That's the hungry cry." I called.

"How can you tell that?" He asked.

"I'm starting to catch on to what cry means what." I said.

"But he just ate!" He said.

"Maybe he's going through a growth spurt already." I laughed.

"Alright little guy, let's eat again." Ian said.



I hummed softly as I listened to Ian talk softly to Lucas.

If this was my life now, I was going to be pretty happy about that.

I hope you guys had an amazing weekend! =]

[Ally3772]

Chapter Ten: Growing

"Come on!" I groaned.

"What's going on?" Ian asked.

"This dang pipe!" I cursed.

"Let's just call Sarah!" He told me.

"No, we already called her about the mice yesterday. I can do this!" I said.



I turned the wrench begging that the pipe would stop leaking. Today of all days it would decide to leak. Today is Lucas' birthday, he was no longer a newborn and was officially in the infant stage. He was finally sleeping through the night now which was a relief, but too bad that I was still struggling to sleep. Ian sometimes struggled too with staying asleep at night. He would sometimes bolt upright in bed from a dead sleep afraid that something was wrong. The only thing that would comfort him would be going to check on Lucas to make sure he was sleeping soundly. We would get passed it though, every new parent goes through it I'm sure.

"What time is Finley coming over?" Ian asked.

"Should be any minute now." I said.

As if on que, there was a knock on the door.

"Got it!" I gasped.

The water stopped leaking and I did a little celebration dance. Finley walked in carrying her purse as she set it down. She gave Ian a hug before walking into the kitchen to find me moping the floor.

"Another leak?" Finley asked.

I gave her a hug.

"Happened this morning, finally got it to stop." I told her.

"Happens all the time at my place. Hannah loves it, she thinks it's an indoor sprinkler." She chuckled.

"Where is the little stinker?" I asked.

"With her father." She said.

I set the mop against the wall and followed her to the living room.

"How is business going?" Finley asked.

"Great! Slowly picking up speed!" I told her.

"Ca- Can you teach me?" She asked.

"Sure! Come sit!" I said.

I pulled over my yarn and needles and handed them to her.

"We will make a hat for Hannah. It's the easiest of my projects!" I said.

I watched her carefully as she awkwardly maneuvered the needles.

"Yep just like that, loop yep great!" I said.



"Am I doing it right?" She asked.

"Yeah! You're a natural." I said.

"Oh boy, she's getting you into crocheting." Ian chuckled.

"Hey, she asked me too!" I said.

"I don't think this is how it's suppose to look." Finley said.

She made a face as she looked at what she's made so far.



"It will look like that at first, but I promise you that when we are done it will be a hat!" I laughed.

"Okay so now what?" She asked.

I pointed out a spot.

"Just loop this stitch with this one over here." I said.

"Like this?" She asked.

"Perfect!" I said.



We stayed there until she was done with the hat, and it looked a little funny in certain places. Over all though it was nearly perfect! Hannah was going to love it. I walked into the nursery to see if Lucas was up from his nap. Ian walked over to the couch and sat down next to Finley with a plate of food. I walked back out into the living room and looked at him shaking my head.

"What?" Ian asked.

"I swear, you are always hungry. If Lucas is anything like you we are going to be going hungry by the time he's a toddler." I laughed.

Ian chuckled.

"I guess I should be lucky I never had a boy?" Finley giggled.

"Pray for me." I said.



A few hours later Lucas was finally up from his nap. I had just finished baking the cake even though he wasn't going to be able to blow out any candles. It ended up being a delicious cake and we sat and talked around the table for a while. Lucas had my brown hair and Ian's bright blue eyes, he was an adorable mixture of the both of us.

"Look at me little man! Up here!" I said.

I laid him on a blanket and was standing over him trying to get the perfect picture.

"Right here!" I said.



"Grandma is going to love these!" I said.

I smiled as I sent Susan the picture I just took.

He's getting big! -S

I know! Wish you were here to see him! -R

Soon xoxo -S

"You send that to my mom?" Ian asked.

"Yeah, she loved it." I said.

"How about some family pictures?!" Finley suggested.

"That would be great! Would you mind?" I asked.

"Not at all!" She said.





"Okay just a few more!" Finley said.

"I hope they are turning out okay." I said.

"Don't you worry!" She said.

I looked up at Ian smiling.

"Say cheese!" Finley said.





"Those should be good." Finley said.

She lowered my phone and walked over to us. She scrolled through the photos she just took and I was shocked at how good they turned out!

"You're just over all talented! These look like a professional did them!" I said.

"Oh please." She said, waving me away.

I looked down and noticed that Lucas was asleep on my shoulder.

"Someone got tuckered out." Finley said.

"I got him. I'll go put him down for a nap." Ian said.

"You sure?" I asked.

"Of course." He said.

I transferred him carefully and gave him a kiss.



"Hey! I just remembered! Didn't you tell me yesterday that you guys updated you room?" Finley asked.

"Yeah! It looks amazing!" I said.

"Can I see it?" She asked.

I led her to the bedroom and showed her around. We painted the walls a blue color with white trim along the top and bottom. We were able to find a cheap but nice looking bed that was quite comfortable. It had a nice blue quilt with white sheets and black pillows, we found a nice picture to hang above the bed. The mice hole unfortunately made it through the remodel but hopefully we could eventually cover it up. I stuck the painting easel in the corner right next to the pack and play we found. It would come in handy for those times that Ian needed to work but still be able to watch Lucas. The desk stayed in the same area, but the chair was updated to something more comfortable. We splurged a little and updated the computer as well since Ian would be on it a decent amount. We found simple white curtains to go over the windows for when we wanted a little privacy. Not that anyone could really see into our room from this far up but it was nice to have the option.




"Oh wow!" Finley gasped.

"Nice, isn't it?!" I asked.

"A bed! I'm going to miss the green air mattress." She chuckled.

"I'm not! It was so uncomfortable." I laughed.

"This is wonderful Rae, you really are turning this crap shoot into a home." She said, smiling.

"I'm trying too." I said.

She threw her arm around me as we took in the view.

Lucas is an infant! How time flies!

[Ally3772]

Chapter Eleven: Shell Shocked

Trigger Warning: Mention of death

"You really don't wanna nap do you?" I said.

I picked up Lucas from the crib. We were both trying to nap, but Lucas just didn't want to nap. He was just babbling to himself and it was playing through the baby monitor. Ian had to go into work early today because there was some kind of emergency. He was so close to a promotion that he didn't want to pass up the opportunity for some extra hours. Lucas babbled against my shoulder as I rocked him back and forth.



"How about we work on some tummy time?" I asked.

I spread the blanket on the ground and laid Lucas down on his stomach. I read it in one of my parenting books that tummy time helped them develop important skills like rolling over, crawling, and even sitting up. Lucas grunted before kicking his feet and flailing his arms before starting to cry.

"No! Don't cry, shhhh." I soothed.

"You sure this is working?"

I gasped looking up.

"Ian! You scared me!" I scolded.

He chuckled, "Sorry love."

"The books said it's beneficial to do this regularly." I told him.



Lucas continued to scream like I was doing the worst imaginable.

"Okay, okay." I said.

I scooped up Lucas in my arms and stood up.

"I just want what's best for him." I said.

"I know you do, but it'll happen in his own time." Ian told me.

I looked up at Ian who walked over to us.

"This is just all so confusing, I don't know if I'm doing the wrong things or the right things half of the time." I said.

"Neither do I, but we have each other to lean on." He said.

I looked down at Lucas.

"He doesn't seem to mind us learning with him." I said.



"He's a strong little man already." Ian said.

"That he is." I said, smiling.

Ian gave me a kiss.

"Hey, would you mind watching him? I wanna hit the gym." I said.

"Get it mama." He said.

I giggled.

An hour later I was at the gym on a treadmill.

"Whoa, what's going on?!" I gasped.

Suddenly the treadmill tilted upwards.

"Help!" I yelled.

Two people came running over, one in a cheer outfit and one in a towel.

"I don't know what's going on!" I said.

The girl chuckled a little.

"That's the hill challenge mode." She told me.

"I don't know if I like this hill challenge mode!" I said, gasping for air.



"You got this!" The boy said.

"I don't know." I gasped.

I managed to complete the challenge but barely. I took the bottle of water that the boy handed me and almost chugged the whole thing. I took a few minutes to relax before hoping on the the other machine and working on my arms again.



"I'm home!" I called out.

"In here!" Ian said.

I walked into the nursery.

"Feeding time I see, are those new pajamas?!" I gasped.

"Yeah! I picked them up on the way home." He said.

"What cute little sharks." I said.



"And I also picked that up and set it up." Ian said.

"A changing table?!" I asked.

"You like it?" He asked.

"I love it!" I said.

"Good, because I'm about to try it out." He chuckled.

"Oh, I will step aside and let you do just that." I said.



A Week Later

"Nap time Lucas." I said.

I placed a hand on his chest and rubbed circles on his chest until he finally closed his eyes.

"There you go." I whispered.



I walked out into the kitchen and sat at the table with Ian.

"How was work today?" I asked.

"Tough, the computers went down and they stayed down for hours. We're all behind on our work now." He told me.

"That sounds like a headache." I said.

"It was, but it's tomorrows problem." He said.



Ian's cell phone went off and he went to the other room to answer it. I took the plates on the table and went to the sink to wash them. I heard Ian talking on the phone but couldn't make out what he was saying. It was most likely more issues with work and the computer issues. It seemed like forever before I heard Ian walk back in the room behind me.

"I was thinking maybe we do a movie night tonight." I said to him.

He didn't say anything so I turned around to face him. He was pale and had his phone was in his hand which was limp at his side. I rushed over to him placing my hands on either side of his face.

"Babe?! What's wrong?" I asked.

"Th- That-"

I looked at him searching his face for any sign of what was wrong.

"That w- was my mother's caretaker, the one that was watching her temporarily." He said, his voice shaking.

"Okay, is she alright?" I asked.

"She passed away in her sleep." He choked out.

"Oh god! Ian!" I gapsed.

I immediately pulled him into my arms feeling him completely come undone.

...

"Thank you so much Finley." I said.

I handed her Lucas' diaper bag as she held him in her arms.

"Don't mention it! Him and Hannah will have a great time!" Finley said.

I waved goodbye to Lucas before closing the door. I pushed the hair behind my ears before walking over to the couch and sitting down next to Ian who was still in shock.

"I just talked to her two days ago." He said.

"I know, I talked to her the day before that. She seemed in good spirits." I said.

"Lucas, he's never going to know her." He told me.

I took his hands in mine, "We will make sure he knows her Ian. I promise you that."

"I have to get started on the funeral arrangements." He said, trying to stand up.

I gently pulled him back to the couch.

"There is time for that later." I said.

I knew exactly how he was feeling. I felt so shell shocked by the news of my parents death it was like the world was moving in slow motion. There was so much to do and so much to plan and I had no clue where to start. He was there for me then, and I was sure as heck going to be there for him now. I made a mental note of everything we needed to do for the funeral arrangements. The first thing he had to do was get time off of work which was going to be tricky since they were so busy.

"Go get in the shower, and when you get out I will have tea made." I told him.

"I need to call my boss." He said.

"After shower and tea, I need you to focus on you right now. Can you do that for me?" I asked.

He nodded slowly before standing up and walking into the bathroom. Finley was wonderful and agreed to take Lucas for the night for us no questions asked. It was one of the moments as a parent when you realize that the saying was true. It really did take a village to raise a child, and I was extremely thankful to have Finley for a friend. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes allowing myself a moment to process. Susan was an amazing woman, she always accepted me as I was. We did a lot of baking with each other in the beginning before Ian and I moved to another state. It was our bonding time and how I got to know Ian a little more from the stories she told. I must have been in my head a lot longer then I thought I was because I heard rustling from the kitchen. I stood up and found Ian freshly showered and his hand in the package of cookies. Cookies were not the most nutritious to eat but at least it was something. I walked over and stood next to him taking a cookie of my own.

"You know, one of the times I was in the kitchen with your mom she told me that once we get married that I needed to keep cookies in the house at all times." I said softly.

Ian looked at me.

"I loved baking with her. She used to tell me the same stories over and over, but I didn't mind because I loved her stories. She told me she got real lonely after your father passed away so I just let her talk about whatever she wanted. But she made me promise to always have cookies in the house, whether they were baked from home or store bought." I told him.

"I used to come home from school and she'd just baked a fresh batch of chocolate chip cookies. I thought I was being sneaky at the time by taking a few off of the cooling rack." He whispered.

"She knew, she made sure to put a few in the fridge for quick cooling so that you wouldn't burn your hands." I said, smiling at the memory.

Ian was quiet for a moment and I knew he was thinking of that time.

"I should have visited her more." He finally said.

"I know, but you know she loved you more than anything, right? And I know for a fact that she knew you felt the same." I told him.

"She never got to meet Lucas." He said, his voice breaking.

"Yes she did! It may not have been in the way that we hoped, but she did Ian and she loved him so much." I said.

He broke into sobs again and I pulled him into my arms.

"I'm not ready for this." He cried.

"I know." I soothed.

I gently shut the door to the bedroom and leaned against it. My phone went off and I pulled it from my pocket.

How is he? -F

Just got him to go to sleep, but he's hanging in there. -R

Please let me know if I can do anything and I will keep Lucas for as long as you need me too. -F

Thank you Fin. -R

I walked into the bathroom and closed the door before allowing myself to fall apart.

Two chapters in one day?! What is going on?!

[Ally3772]

Chapter Twelve: Healing

"No tears, you need a nap." I whispered.

Lucas looked up at me with tears in his eyes.

"Momma is going to the gym for a little, but I will be back soon. Then we will play!" I told him.

I knew he had no idea what I was telling him but I liked to think he understood me.



I walked out of the nursery to find Ian on the couch.

"He go down?" Ian asked.

"Yeah, well almost. He is fighting it but he will eventually fall asleep." I said.

I walked over to him and ran my fingers through his hair.

"You okay today?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'm starting to feel like me again." He said.

I took a moment to try to tell if he was just trying to put on a brave face, but he seemed like he meant it. It's been almost a month already since we lost Susan and it has been a rocky road. Between planning the funeral from another state and actually attending the funeral. Lucas did amazing on the plane and seemed to love it more than we thought he did. He kept taking his small little hand and shakily pointing to the window at all the clouds passing by. The funeral was beautiful and difficult to get through but somehow we managed. Ian wasn't super close to his mother's side of the family so we felt isolated a lot of the time. Lucas wasn't a fan of all the strangers either so we didn't stay long after the funeral was taken care of. The rest of the things that needed to be taken care of could be taken care of at home.

"I'm going to go to the gym for a bit." I told him.

"Be safe." He said.

A Few Hours Later

I walked into the nursery still in my gym clothes.

"Hey little man." I said.

I scooped him up in my arms before sitting down on the foot rest.

"I see daddy got you dressed." I said.

He just looked up at me with his bright blue eyes.



"This isn't working Lucas." I whispered.

I felt a tear run down my cheek. I was getting very discouraged with losing weight because I felt like I was working my butt off at the gym. I felt so hopeful each time I would step on the scale but I wouldn't see any progress and today it was hitting me harder.

"I'm trying to be healthier for myself and for you, but it's so hard." I cried.

He cooed up at me.

"Rae?"

I looked up to see Ian standing in the doorway. I quickly wiped away my tears even though it was pointless because he already noticed.

"Hey little man! Come here." Ian said, lifting Lucas up from my arms and placing him in his crib.

I wiped my eyes and took a deep breath as Ian crouched in front of me.

"What happened?" He asked.

"Nothing happened." I said.

"You're crying and talking to our infant son, something happened." He said.

"The gym was fine. I'm just feeling very discouraged." I said.

"About not losing weight?" He asked.

"I just don't see why I'm not seeing results. I'm at the gym at least twice a week and I work my butt off Ian. Well, I guess not because clearly it's still there." I said, laughing at my bad joke.

"Babe, I hate to break it to you but you'll always have a butt." Ian said.

I groaned.

"You are beautiful. I am so proud of you for everything you do. Your business is starting to take off, you make sure there's food on the table and clothes on our back, and you are an amazing wife and mother. Now, if you want to lose weight to be healthier then that is great. But you know that I love you the way you are." He told me.

I wiped a few more tears from my eyes.

"You got this. We can even get you a treadmill for here!" He said.

"Where would we put it?" I asked.

"We will find a place." He told me.

"Thank you." I said.

...

"Quick the timer!" I gasped.

I quickly jumped on Ian's back and he caught me as I wrapped my legs around his waist.

Snap!



"Awww that turned out super cute!" I said.

"We do make a cute couple." Ian agreed.

Beep! Beep!

"That's the warning!" I said.

I put my phone back on the tripod before we got into position.

Snap!



"Let me see!" Ian said.

I showed him the picture on my phone.

"We should print these out." He told me.

"Let's do one more!" I said.

I set up the phone and timer.

Snap!



"Definitely going to frame that one." I said.

"How did I get so lucky?" Ian asked.

I smiled at him, "I wonder that every day."

"Thank you Raegan, for everything. Seriously, I could not have done any of that with mom and the funeral if you weren't there." He said.

"I wouldn't of dreamed of being anywhere else." I told him.

He gave me a hug.

"I'm going to go check on Lucas." I said.

I walked into the nursery.

"IAN!" I screamed.

He came rushing in.

"What?!" He gasped.

"Look!" I shrieked.



"Is he-" Ian started.

"He's on his hands and knees!" I confirmed.

"Oh boy, won't be long now." He said.

"We need to baby proof." I giggled.

"Little man!!" Ian cooed.

I don't think I could be smiling any wider.

Just a tiny update! Nothing too exciting happened, but hopefully you still enjoyed it! =] How is it the weekend already?!