The Branch Immortal Dynasty (Complete)

[butterfly]

The girls are so adorable, but poor Heron, it's both funny and disgusting to see her laying in that smelly spot. I love the fact that most often, accidental twins happen in immortal dynasties like the challenge isn't hard by itself. Fingers crossed for no more curveballs.

[Beks]

Hi everyone! Just popping in to say that I'm still alive and so are the Branches, even if I'm distracted by other games for the moment (and by grad school). I will be returning to the Branches at some point soon. I just need to get sick of my other games first. Also there's the fact that I played a whole generation ahead and have a huge backlog of screenshots to sort through and chapters to write. Which is daunting. But I'll get there! Eventually! Thank you all for reading and commenting thus far.

Twins! I live in fear of them in my dynasty house, I'm always so full with pollinators. I'm glad it happened to you early, hopefully that means it won't hit at a later generation!

I love twins and am thrilled that I got them! But yes, I'm terrified it's going to happen again later...

All caught up! Somehow I only just realized that Emmaline has greenish yellowish skin. Not going to lie I thought she was a zombie for a split second. Oops.

I love the idea of naming sims after birds! I once had a family where all the kids were named after types of pasta, (Ravioli, Linguini, Penne, etc.) but I think birds is a bit of a better idea.

Haha! I feel like Emmaline would make an A+ zombie. In a good way.

And thank you so much! I absolutely love the pasta idea, too. Pasta is my favorite food, and there are actually some lovely names for pasta types! I can totally picture a cute little toddler named Gnocchi. Or like, a graceful lady named Farfalle.

I did everything to ensure dynasty twins in my own house and got a singleton...I guess the spirit of a twin sibling for dynasty-slave purposes lives on in the universe. Heron is definitely my favorite in the bloodline (it happens + it's one of those bird names a real person could probably pull off with enough confidence) but Ryan and Elle's baby is my favorite overall. Phil got last place for having a confusing donor (but I think I figured it out...)

Not pollinating does lead to better dynasty helpers, Ryan notwithstanding I suppose. I hope you've gotten the issues with Starling's requirements sorted out and I definitely used different sims for DNA harvesting and keeping friends in the beginning (it's different when you've given the job to an immortal though)

I'm glad you like Heron! She's a sweetheart. Both the girls grow up to be really lovely (and fun) Sims. I'm curious to see what you'll think of Ryan and Ella's baby once he's older. He turns out...interesting-looking. And nobody has tried to guess Phil's donor yet, so feel free if you'd like!

I'll risk a bit of a spoiler to say that Starling has achieved her requirements and is now immortal. Of course I'm like 97 chapters behind in writing...but it happened!

Ah! I just discovered this! I love your founder and her personality. The theme you are going with is also super adorable.

Thank youuu! I love her too, haha. She's full of surprises and hilarity.

The girls are so adorable, but poor Heron, it's both funny and disgusting to see her laying in that smelly spot. I love the fact that most often, accidental twins happen in immortal dynasties like the challenge isn't hard by itself. Fingers crossed for no more curveballs.

I laughed SO hard. But yes, the poor thing! I don't know if she'll ever fully recover.

[Beks]

I AM BACK. I've been catching up on writing this story, and I didn't realize how much I missed the Branches. New chapters incoming!

5 ~ I Am Fine

by Starling Branch

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I’m an adult now, and I am fine. I’m a level 8 gardener. I am at level 5 in my career. I have completed one BlackOp. I have no friends except for my husband. But it’s fine. I am fine. I’m not scared. Are you scared? Do I look scared? I’m scared.

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But then I look at Goldfinch and Twig playing together on the floor, and I’m like, Okay. It’s okay. It might be okay. Maybe?

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I can never have enough cute things in this house, so I also spend plenty of time with Loony. Loony is loony, just like me, so we get along really well.

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My baby girls did everything together as toddlers. Goldfinch would calmly tap her dolls’ tiny plastic feet along the dollhouse floor and make them say things like “Cake!” and “I love you”. Heron would aggressively bite their heads off. Together, they represented life in miniature.

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They learned their skills together, too. They both quickly became pros at the potty. What can I say? Emmaline is the best potty teacher.

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Phil spent his whole childhood going to school and painting. Then he became a teenager.

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A teenager in need of a haircut.

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Phil added Natural Cook to his growing list of practically perfect traits. This boy just bores me to death. Hopefully Goldfinch will feel differently when she...wait, what? Did I say that out loud?

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Perhaps I don’t have anything to worry about. Look at that sunny little smile! Goldfinch didn’t even seem to mind that Phil told the most monotone, unexciting children’s story of all time. The boy may be creative, but he’s no storyteller.

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I was in the garden every waking second, but in those last moments before collapsing from exhaustion each night, I tried to take a few minutes to teach one of the girls how to walk. (Also, hey, check out my excellent booty. That’s not going to be there for long.)

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Ryan and Emmaline became best friends at some point, probably around the time they both completed their tasks as helpers and suddenly didn’t have much to do. Sometimes in this house I feel like we hardly know each other. At least these two found a way to be buddies.

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I was starting to think that Emmaline was going extra-insane in her old age when I spotted her listening to a ghost story told by the maid wearing an Indiana Jones hat. Then I saw that Ryan was listening, too. And Ryan definitely has a normal brain, I’m pretty sure. Old people things, I guess?

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Ryan’s son Ariel grew up into a kid. A rather pudgy and thick-browed kid. He looks like a Pertridge rather more than a Carlisle, doesn’t he?

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Ryan visited his “other family” as much as he could. Ariel was busy with school and homework and playing and whatever it is kids do (I haven’t raised mine yet, so I’m not sure), but he still hugged his dad on occasion.

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While visiting the Carlisles one day, Ella, in the middle of the usual flirting, suddenly asked Ryan to move in with her. Ryan had to tell her that he couldn’t, that he was a member of the Branch dynasty household until his death. Ella was a little heartbroken. And I was too, when Ryan told me afterwards.

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He cheered her up with some classic woohoo. I kind of wish Ryan hadn’t told me that part. Like, yes, you’re a beloved member of the household, sir, but we’re not THAT close.

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Twig finally got high enough hunting skill to start going out on his own. He even went down to the water at the edge of the lot and went fishing sometimes.

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I just love how he nestles himself down into the solid rock before pouncing on his prey.

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Yes, things were going swimmingly for us Branches. Goldfinch and Phil were bonding, requirements were slowly being met…

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...and then we had our first death.

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Emmaline Rhoen was perhaps the least-remarked-upon member of the household, but she was very super important. She got us all our deathfish, some of which now live in a pond in our backyard so we’ll never run out. She cooked our first thirty batches of ambrosia and tucked them away in a shiny replicator. She raised Phil and Goldfinch and Heron, kind of - mostly Phil, who was like a son to her. And mostly importantly, she was completely off her rocker, like me. Oh, and she was green.

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Rest in peace, Emmaline. Thanks for everything you did for us.

[Auranaris]

Yay! The Branches have returned! (cheers and spins noisemaker)

RIP Emmaline, you and your green skin shall be missed. Sorry I thought you were a zombie that one time.


 

[Beks]

6 ~ Mirror Image

by Starling Branch

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I was pretty torn up over the death of dear Emmaline. But I couldn’t dwell on it. There were important things happening!

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Like Phil going to prom. Alone, obviously. His one true love *cough* isn’t old enough yet to go with him. Can you imagine a toddler toddling into prom? I mean, it'd be cute, but it'd be weird.

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Phil ended up meeting a girl at prom, and apparently they’re “sort of together” now. I don’t know what that means; I’ve never been a teenager, technically. But it definitely doesn’t mean they’re going to be “sort of together” forever. Nope.

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I told him this when he got home that night over a late-night snack of macaroni and cheese. I was like, “Just so you know, you can’t marry that girl.”

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And he was like, “With all due respect, Ms. Branch, you are not the boss of me.”

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I was really focused on my macaroni and cheese, so I didn’t push the matter. Besides, it wasn’t long before I was distracted by something else. My first money tree! And also life fruits, glowing in the sunrise.

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In other news, Ryan and Ella were expecting another child. Ella and I had become best friends. I spent a lot of time waving at the baby in her belly. I realize now that the baby couldn’t see me. Ah well.

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A few days later, a beautiful baby girl was born. Ryan was overjoyed.

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Ryan wasn’t the only one experiencing romance these days. We threw a birthday party to celebrate the twins aging up to children, and a new face walked in through our front door - a face that immediately caught Charles’s attention.

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Francisca Vanderburg and Charles hit it off. I think it was the mutual stripey shirts.

Somebody else came to the party, too. And after my failure the night before to explain Phil’s dynasty duties to him properly, I was happy to overhear this mystery person do the job for me.

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Phil: “Whoa. You look...familiar.”

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Pierce: “That is because, my young lad, you see this face in the mirror every day - but perhaps with fewer wrinkles. I’d like to congratulate you on being the only member of the Branch household to meet his donor in person!”
Phil: “Um, thanks?”

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Pierce: “Now, Phillip, I’m not exactly your father, but you could say that I am an older, wiser version of you. And I must confess that after seeing you waltz out of the school building with a mystery pudding-faced girl on your arm, I think it’s time to talk some sense into you. You were born for a very specific purpose, young man, and you must remember that--”

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That was all I overheard, because it was time for the girls to age up. But I’m pretty sure Pierce communicated what needed to be communicated. Sorry, Phil, but also, not sorry!

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My beautiful little girl spun in her sparkles and became a beautiful bigger girl.

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Then it was Heron’s turn!

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She took the disco route to childhood.

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Goldfinch grew into a lovely child and became a Perfectionist.

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Heron also grew into a lovely child and became Brave.

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Immediately after the age-ups, Pierce Shawkti, our first donor and wise guardian of arranged marriages, went outside and kicked the bucket on the front porch. I made sure to say “Bye!” and “Thanks again!” with as much enthusiasm as possible.

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Things quickly became a whole new sort of chaotic in the Nest, but in a very good way. Heron demonstrated her bravery by driving very recklessly in her not-very-safe living room chair. I didn’t even see her use her blinkers as she was veering all over the place! Also, she wasn’t wearing a seatbelt! Also, do you even know what the living room speed limit is, dear?! I know I don’t.

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Really it was Heron causing most of the chaos. She loved to play pretend in every imaginable way. Meanwhile, Goldfinch would be sitting at the kitchen table grumbling about how she “couldn’t focus”. Couldn’t focus on what, darling? What’s more important than the politics of the Branch kitchen monarchy?

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Charles took Francisca on a date to the park and they had a lovely time. Am I using the younglings’ terminology properly if I say that I boat it?

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They even went to dinner afterward. I think this is the first actual, traditional-ish date that’s taken place in this dynasty. I commend Charles for his gentlemanliness.

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...Which quickly got a bit rough around the edges when he went in for a makeout session. Luckily, Francisca ate it right up. They slobbered on each other beautifully under the setting sun. I think this will be a very exciting relationship. The princess and the sculptor has a nice ring to it.

[Beks]

Yay! The Branches have returned! (cheers and spins noisemaker)

RIP Emmaline, you and your green skin shall be missed. Sorry I thought you were a zombie that one time.

Awww, thank you! Honestly, I feel like Emmaline would be flattered to be thought a zombie.

[Beks]

7 ~ Rules of Etiquette

by Goldfinch Branch

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My name is Goldfinch, and one day, I will be immortal.

My mother sat me down after my birthday and told me all about our immortal dynasty. There are many, many things we have to do so we can live forever. It’s all very important and sort of secret. I know I’m going to be the best immortal Branch. Even better than all my descendants!

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Not everybody gets to live forever, though. Least of all our pets. It’s quite sad. I try not to cry over things because I have a responsibility to be perfect in every way. Except maybe not, because Mother cries over things. And just sort of...goes crazy over things.

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Mother was really close to Loony, though. I know because sometimes I heard her come downstairs to talk to him in the middle of the night on her way out to the garden or wherever. She positively bawled her eyes out when she found the pile of feathers on the floor beside his cage.

Nobody seems to know for sure how Loony died. Father said he was an old bird, but he also told me once that we have to watch out for Twig so he doesn’t get in the cage and eat Loony. After Loony died I asked Father if mayhaps Twig ate Loony. Father said, “Now who put that crazy idea into your head?!” and I said, “You did, Father.” And he told me to go to my room this instant.

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So I went. And as I went I saw Father laughing over some secret-y joke with Uncle Ryan. I am now quite certain that Loony’s death was a death by cat.

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Heron is my twin sister and my best friend. She is not bound to the same requirements that I am. She’s going to learn to sculpt and mayhaps paint too. Mother says she is an alternative sculptor. When I said “I beg your pardon?” (because that’s what they say instead of “what” on the drama TV show I watch) she said “You know, like a backup.” And I didn’t like that because it makes Heron sound like a truck, or something.

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There’s a lot I don’t really understand about this dynasty yet. Mother is still quite young and Father is getting old. They spend a lot of time in their bedroom now. I guess Father is tired, since he is old.

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Uncle Ryan died a few days after Loony. I didn’t exactly know how old he was. I don’t think he was very much older than Father is. We will miss him, because he was a very good helper and a very nice man. His last work was my ice sculpture.

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Uncle Ryan begged the Grim Reaper to let him live a little longer. Probably because his girlfriend, Ella, just had another baby. The Grim Reaper said no and that he doesn’t like babies and that people should stop using that as an excuse.

That was the first time Heron and I got to see the Grim Reaper, which was really scary. Mother says we’ll be seeing a lot of him in this family and that I don’t need to be scared of him. She also said he wears his hood up because he has a bad haircut. Sometimes I wonder if Mother is off her rocker.

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Sometimes I also wonder if Heron is off her rocker. For instance, after the Grim Reaper was finished with Uncle Ryan, she went up and asked him to read her a bedtime story. Of all the things to ask the Grim Reaper! The Grim Reaper said that “regrettibly” he had to leave, but that he appreciated being asked. Later I asked Heron, as calmly as I could, “Why did you want to hear stories about dead people before bed? That’s not sensible.” And Heron said, “Dead people know things that living people don’t. And the Reaper knows all the things dead people know! Maybe someday he’ll tell me.”

Well, maybe someday he will. He’ll never tell me, though. I’m going to be immortal.

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And so is Mother. I do not know what this picture is supposed to be, but she wanted me to include it in the story.

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I have started practicing painting, which is going to be my special skill that I will be perfect at by the time I am old. Actually I am going to be perfect at it way before then. Mother doesn’t think so, but I know so.

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Phil brought home a new kitten one day after school. I guess since Phil is not technically part of the family, he can do whatever he wants. I don’t know if this is proper, but I’m not in charge yet. Anyway, this is Walnut.

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Twig was not quite sure what to think of the new kitten at first. I hope they become friends.

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When I’m not at school, I am doing homework and painting. When Heron’s not at school, she’s usually pretending to be queen of the kitchen. Mother always plays with her and pretends to be one of Queen Heron’s subjects. Father just sits there reading his books and looking annoyed.

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Charles had his adult birthday. Charles doesn’t do very many exciting things in this story most of the time, but I like him a lot. He’s quiet and nice and a really good sculptor.

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He told us after his birthday that the woman he’s been seeing, Francisca, is pregnant. He also said “There’s going to be a new royal in town!” and I was very confused about that. The only royals are the Vanderburgs, who are mostly dead now, and Heron. Is Charles secretly a royal? Is Francisca?

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I asked Charles about it and he told me that Francisca is secretly a princess. I asked him why she lives in a tiny hut, then. He said that’s what she likes. He also said “Don’t tell anyone but I forgot to ask my princess to be my girlfriend until after I found out she was pregnant. That’s not very gentlemanly of me.” I have no idea what that was supposed to mean, but I told him that I think he’s a perfect gentleman, especially if he’s in love with a princess.

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This is Phil. I haven’t really talked about Phil yet. He is quite a bit older than me, but he’s still a kid, technically. He wants to be a chef when he grows up. He’s always making weird kissing noises when he makes waffles in the morning. One time Heron saw him doing that and she said a phrase she learned from a TV show: “Hey, Phil and waffles! GET A ROOM!”

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Phil and I are quite good friends. Mother is always trying to get us to hang out together, which is quite annoying, but I like Phil, so it’s okay. He’s very serious and...well, gentlemanly, I suppose. He likes to hear me talk about my art and he always agrees when I tell him that I am going to be the best immortal.

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There was one time when I saw him naked. That was embarrassing.

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I told him that I was trying to use the facilities and he needed to get out. He said, “I was here first!” and I said “No, LADIES first!” And you cannot argue with that because that is a rule of etiquette.

I was still really embarrassed. But I’ll never tell him that.

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Charles had an adventure a few nights ago. He told me about it afterward, mayhaps since I liked when he told me about his princess. He told me that he has always loved horses and has always wanted to have one, even though he willingly moved into a dynasty household and knew he never could. So one night, he went outside and saw one! And he followed it, all the way across town. Because he just loves horses that much.

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Yeah. He REALLY loves horses.

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Twig became an old kitty. He is a good kitty and has captured many good fish and birds and bugs for us. I shall miss him when he goes, but I hope that’s not very soon.

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Heron and I are almost to our next birthday! I suppose I must sign off for now. Mother did not tell me exactly how to do that, but I shall try:

Cordially yours,
Goldfinch Branch

Notes from a Bemused Watcher

- Can cats kill birds in this game? Because I’m pretty sure Twig killed Loony. He was at the scene of the crime, next to a pile of feathers. I don’t know. I’m just saying.
- I still don’t know what that picture of Starling is supposed to be. I took these screenshots a while ago. I got nothin’.
- Charles really did go outside in the middle of the night and autonomously follow a horse halfway across town. He has the Equestrian trait and has never been able to utilize it, so I happily let him wander the streets and have his own horsey adventure.

[Auranaris]

Ok, so I have 3 things to say.

1. To answer your question, yes, cats can kill birds in ts3. I’ve seen it happen.

2. Darn it, now I can’t get the image out of my head of grim with a really bad haircut.

3. I love Goldfinch’s dramatic way of talking. It’s just so... oddly regal.

[Beks]

Ok, so I have 3 things to say.

1. To answer your question, yes, cats can kill birds in ts3. I’ve seen it happen.

2. Darn it, now I can’t get the image out of my head of grim with a really bad haircut.

3. I love Goldfinch’s dramatic way of talking. It’s just so... oddly regal.

1. I suspected as much. *sigh* Bad Twig!

2. I'm so sorry.

3. Thank you, I'm glad! It's a bit challenging to write in her voice, actually. I'm always relieved when I switch back to Starling or whoever. She provides a nice contrast to her mother's wackiness, though.

[Beks]

8 ~ The Timing Was Perfect

by Phillip Shawkti

I really didn’t want to do this, but Goldfinch talked me into it. That girl can talk me into anything, apparently. All she has to do is look at me and I’m a puddle of mush.

So here we are. I’ll give this a shot.

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Right, news and updates. Charles and Francisca gave birth to a boy named Felix. Charles is a proud father and I can tell he just wants to spend all his time with his new family, rather than with us.

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I don’t blame him. People here are crazy. I’m pretty sure this is a picture of Starling eating one of her precious seeds. I’m also pretty sure you’re not supposed to do that.

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Even Kyle is kind of crazy. He got a bit fried fixing the computer once and he came and yelled at me for it. I tried to tell him that I can’t take him seriously when he’s only wearing underpants and his hair is sticking straight out, but he just went on one of his usual rampages about how incompetent I am. I think Kyle is going senile.

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Goldfinch and Heron’s birthday arrived. I was nervous for this one. We all know why I’m here, don’t we? We all know my purpose in this dynasty, and I’m not talking about painting. Well, I was about to see Goldfinch join me in teenagerhood. She wouldn’t be a little girl anymore.

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It was at this point that I escaped to the painting room and just let her age up without me watching.

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And Heron, too.

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Well, this is Goldfinch as a teen. She’s, um...really pretty, right? Yeah. Anyway, she added Proper to her list of traits. Somehow this didn’t surprise anyone.

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And Heron decided to become a Cat Person. This also didn't really surprise anyone.

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Like I said, I was off painting when all this happened. Goldfinch, ever mindful of her requirements, came to find me immediately and instructed me to start painting her portrait. So I did. This meant I had to look at her a lot. And she had to look at me a lot. I found myself wondering what she was thinking the whole time. Probably about how much better she would be at painting her own portrait, if that was allowed.

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I took a break after a little while, and Goldfinch stayed to chat. It was actually really nice to talk to her. She’s so much more grown-up now than she was, well, yesterday. We talked about art and laughed about her mother’s latest antics. I sort of couldn’t keep my eyes off her.

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And whenever I looked away, I found it really hard to look back again.

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We decided to go to the park near the house and spend some time together, just the two of us. It went really well, although I found it really hard to do flirty interactions. Goldfinch was definitely flirting with me; I responded with things like “So what's your opinion on falafel?" and “How was your day?” and “So, Goldfinch...computers. What's up with those, right?” Even though I already knew the answers to all of these questions. (Goldfinch's favorite food is falafel, so she thinks very highly of it. Her day was great because it was her birthday. And we all know what's up with computers by now.)

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I got a bit carried away with the talking, I think. Sometimes I do that when I get nervous. I either don’t say anything, or I can’t shut up. I talked about stupid things until the sky was dark and I was too exhausted to continue. I mostly talked about food, because that's kind of my thing, and it's the only thing that I am better at than Goldfinch.

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I got really nervous at the end of the night. I really wanted to kiss her, except I hadn’t even reciprocated her flirts yet, and part of me was still uncertain about how she really felt, so instead of ending the outing properly I hopped on my motorcycle and took off for home. Yes, I’m an idiot. Yes, I did notice Goldfinch gazing after me. Yes, I wanted to die and probably would have “accidentally” crashed into a tree had we not been three seconds away from our house.

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The next morning, we sat silently eating pancakes together, trying not to eye each other’s pajamas too much. (That task was easier when Heron arrived in her swimsuit and goggles. Thank Watcher for Heron. She makes any awkward situation way weirder.)

I forgot to mention something--that day was my birthday. My last day as a teenager. Time was running out if I wanted anything to happen with Goldfinch. And reader, I did.

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So I asked her out on a date. A proper date. I made sure to use that exact phrase. And she said yes!

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I took Goldfinch across town to the bistro, where we were served honestly-rather-mediocre food at sunset. (I can’t wait to get a job at this place and start turning things around.)

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I tried not to smile too hard when Goldfinch said, “Not bad for a first date, Phillip Shawkti.”

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Goldfinch cares a lot about things like etiquette. I was very mindful of this as I carefully ate my fish and chips with a fork and knife instead of my fingers. I was also very mindful of it when Goldfinch’s firecracker shrimp got a bit too intense and she teleported slightly off her chair due to the strength of the spice. I just kept on eating and pretended not to notice.

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She was mortified. Especially because she was still floating in midair at this point. I just said, “You know, I can do fish and chips WAY better than this.”

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I’m not sure if the spice incident upset Goldfinch, or if something else was on her mind. I followed her to the edge of the patio where she was staring off into the mountains. Neither of us said anything. When I came to stand beside her, she turned to me and smiled her gentle, luminous smile.

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So I did what any guy in love would do.

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Thankfully, Goldfinch was only a little surprised at this. She quickly recovered from the shock and just looked at me with those big green-gold eyes. I was relieved to see that she was smiling.

“Thank goodness,” she said. “I thought you were going to kiss me last night, but then you took off on your motorcycle and abandoned me.”
“Sorry,” I said.
“I wanted to kiss you too, you know,” she said.
My ego swelled at that. “Well, I had to do it at least once, before it’s too late,” I said.

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And my timing couldn’t have been more perfect.

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I probably sound a bit pathetic writing all this, but what can I say? Goldfinch grew up into a beautiful young woman--and a kind, talented, passionate one, too. I always knew we were destined to be together, as per dynasty rules. Honestly, I was just thankful that the girl I had to marry was so...well...perfect. Both in general, and for me.

[fansidoodle]

Aaawww, they didn't get to spend much time together but they'll have his whole lifetime. Bittersweet, but that's life in a dynasty.

[mpart]

Awwww! That chapter was so cute!

[Beks]

9 ~ Interacting with Vegetables

by Starling Branch

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You guys, I’m starting to get a bit worried about my husband. The other day we were eating lunch together, just ordinary grilled cheese sandwiches, and Kyle started ranting at me about my choice of career. He was like, “All you ever do is interact with vegetables. What kind of a life is that?” And I was like, “Didn’t we have this conversation five minutes after we met? I’m a gardener, Kyle. Get over it!”

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More distressing, though, is that Kyle has a bit of a tendency to yell at his daughters. This is a problem because (a) they’re our DAUGHTERS, and (b) Goldfinch’s entire brand is perfectionism, so not only is yelling at her generally inaccurate, it’s also potentially traumatizing!

Further examples of Kyle going senile will appear shortly. First, let’s talk about Phil.

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Phil is a young adult now. He’s going to marry Goldfinch, obviously (if everything goes to plan), but I just have to say, maybe I should have considered Pierce Shawkti as a spouse in my day. Because, yee-ow. Ahem! Anyway! Phil’s final set of traits is pretty darn excellent: Loves the Outdoors, Artistic, Friendly, Natural Cook, and Grumpy. Well, perhaps Grumpy isn’t ideal, but he’s been such a serious kid his whole life, it really just makes sense. Phil’s Lifetime Wish is The Culinary Librarian, which he’s probably going to accomplish, like, tomorrow.

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We all went to Phil’s graduation. He graduated as Valedictorian, with highest honors, and was voted Most Artistic. Ugh. So predictable!

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As Goldfinch and Heron were running towards the car, they noticed their father talking to a tall blonde girl who apparently graduated in Phil’s class. I can’t always tell what my girls are thinking, but I CAN tell when they’re thinking something. And they were definitely thinking something. Probably something like, “Isn’t that the girl Phil met at prom?”

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It was. We’ve all erased her name from our memories for obvious reasons, but it was. And what did she do after graduation? She flirted with my husband. Kyle’s face says it all, I think.

I nudged Phil at this point and told him to take care of this. He obliged.

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“Say, Mystery Pudding-Faced Girl?” he said. “I know we never made our relationship official, but we can’t be romantic interests anymore. Also you can’t flirt with my future father-in-law, please.”

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Phil then recoiled as if expecting the girl to lash out, but instead she just sort of grumbled and looked really mad. Crisis averted, I guess.

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Walnut aged up into an adult cat and looked spiffy.

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My darling girls pursued their arts with diligence, as did Phil, who took a reeeeally long time to paint Goldie’s portrait.

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I think he was drawing out the process as long as possible. Yes, you may appreciate my pun, thank you.

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We had our first burglar! He crept alllll the way up to the front door, and then alllll the way down again without coming inside.

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Instead, he went for the long line of expensive cars on the edge of the lot. I’ve never heard of a smart robber, but evidently, they exist. Although he probably shouldn't have come all the way up to the house for no reason.

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I totally would have tried my luck at beating up the guy, but I decided to be sensible for once in my life and call the police. The burglar had a nice little chat with the cop who showed up and hopefully learned his lesson.

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Charles’s son Felix is a child now, and aside from his unfortunate hair color, I think he’s a very nice combination of his parents. I also applaud the cowboy getup. That’s what he wears to school every day. I’m jealous.

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Kyle may be going senile, but I still do catch glimpses of his old self. He’s usually harmless as long as he’s reading, and Goldfinch is happy to do so with him. It’s their way of bonding. Whenever I roll a wish to break up with Kyle I just imagine him reading a book and I feel calmer.

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And finally, I have some exciting news of my own. After many long years of growing vegetables (yes, Kyle, VEGETABLES) and selling them at the supermarket, I sold a huge batch and got my last promotion to Agricultural Mastermind. Yippee!

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That night, my fate was sealed. I became an old lady in the glow of the full moon. Say goodbye to this fresh young face, people. You won’t be seeing it again.

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*screams incoherently*

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There, that’s better. I returned to my old hairstyle and color scheme. Alas, no swooshy short dresses for me anymore!

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And all of a sudden, my requirements were wrapping up all at the same time. My sixth best friend was Maya Abbott, one of the town’s only fairies. I just really wanted to be best friends with a fairy, okay?

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The next day, I got the call for the final step of the Omni-Plant opportunity chain. I could finally grow teddy bears! It was all I’d ever wanted!

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When that opportunity was complete, I found myself feeling super warm inside - and also nostalgic. How is it that we’re here already? I’m on the edge of eternity. And it’s insane.

[Beks]

10 ~ Down the Ladder

by Starling Branch

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Heron and Goldfinch went off to prom together. I specifically instructed them not to get romantic interests. Well, I told Heron she could at her own risk, but that no pudding-face was good enough for my daughter. She said she’d keep an eye out for actual pudding instead. I love that girl.

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“Kyle going senile” has been a bit of a theme around here lately. It’s still happening. Kyle’s always been a bookworm, but now all he ever wants to do is tell me the plot of Bleak House for the 97th time when I’m trying to weed the wolfsbane. It’s like, I love you, dear, but that book is like 800 pages long, and you explain EVERY PAGE.

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Charles spends a lot of time with his son now that Felix is a bit older. I recently renovated Beryl’s Picnic Spot and turned it into a full-featured Park For Activities Other Than Picnicking, complete with a grand piano for music enthusiasts. Apparently Felix is one.

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He and Heron have been getting along well, as a matter of fact. They’re always going off to hang out in weird places whenever Goldfinch is busy with her painting.

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I’m sure you’re wondering about Phil. He’s doing just fine, waiting patiently for his future wife to age up, dancing alone at the disco club on his nights off from the bistro. I take no responsibility for this, okay? The poor boy can’t kiss the girl he loves for two whole weeks!

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We threw a spontaneous party, because it had been a while since we threw one and also a couple of my best friend-ships were starting to decay. The boy in the blue tuxedo talking to Goldfinch is Ariel Carlisle, Ryan’s son - my nephew.

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My sweet Twig is an old man now. I cuddle him and kiss his little grey nose as often as he’ll let me.

The day finally arrived before I even knew it was here. I was just hanging out in my bikini, as you do when you’re an old lady, and I realized that my requirements were complete. There was nothing more to do except pull out some ambrosia from Emmaline’s replicator and GET IMMORTAL!

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So I carefully, sneakily climbed down the ladder into my brand-new super-secret Secret Cellar of Secrets.

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I was about to fire up the replicator when CHARLES WINTERLY CAME DOWN THE LADDER. CHARLES, GET BACK UPSTAIRS! YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED DOWN HERE!

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He was just about to climb back up when HERON BRANCH CAME DOWN THE LADDER. HERON, GET BACK UPSTAIRS! YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED DOWN HERE EITHER!

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Finally, I sat down alone at my table under the lone chandelier, my plate of ambrosia before me. I was just about to give it a taste when GOLDFINCH BRANCH CAME DOWN THE LADDER. GOLDFINCH, GET BACK UPSTAIRS! YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED DOWN HERE FOR AT LEAST SIXTY MORE YEARS! ALSO WHO LEFT THAT PLATE OF FOOD ON THE FLOOR?! I AM GOING TO LOSE MY MIND--

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Lordy! Apparently I wasn’t as sneaky as I thought when entering my Super Secret Cellar of Secrets.

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At last, the silence resumed, and I lifted the fork to my mouth. That sweet, sweet ambrosia tasted like my favorite things in the world: vegetables, bikinis, and mean men.

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I took a second bite, and it tasted like more things that I loved: cats, and birds, and at this point I choked because CHARLES WINTERLY CAME DOWN THE LADDER AGAIN. CHARLES, I SWEAR TO THE WATCHER.

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I sent him back up. Then I rose and let the waves of eternity wash over me. I was complete. I was gonna live forever, baby!


First Immortal - Starling Branch

“Pretty much everyone hates this unmusical bird. Farmers especially hate them because they will straight screw up an orchard.” --The Field Guide to Dumb Birds of North America (edited)

Traits: Green Thumb, Loves the Outdoors, Charismatic, Ambitious, Insane
Supermax Skill: Gardening
Other maxed skills: Science, Cooking
Career: Gardener
LTW: The Perfect Garden
BlackOps: Uncommonly Good, Fresh Taters, Outstandingly Rare, Getting to Know...You, Outstanding Tasting Ingredients, The Omnificent Plant
LTRs: Super Green Thumb, No Bills Ever, Discount Diner
Best Friends: Kyle Branch, Twig Branch, Sebastian Vanderburg, Ella Carlisle, Maya Abbot, Cassidy Earthsong
Building: Starling Market (grocery store)
Property: Starling's Park For Activities Other Than Picnicking (Beryl Picnic Spot)
Immortal at: 77 days (week 7, day 7)


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After literally the entire household tried to invade on my sacred ritual, I built a fence and locked gate around the Super Secret Cellar of Secrets. Then I planted a million flowers around it, because why the heck not. I like plants!

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The next day, I was giving the cats some attention when I heard Kyle call my name.

“Starling? Star, I...I think you’d better come over here…”

I refused to believe it was happening.

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“Look at me, Starling. It’s going to be okay. We all knew this was coming--”
“NO! If I don’t see you die, you won’t die!”

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I still couldn’t look, even when Grim showed up. I just sort of looked sideways and whimpered. I didn’t know how to handle it. I wasn’t ready. Sure, I’ve rolled wishes to break up with Kyle several times, but it was never because I didn’t love him. It was because he was driving me crazy! I didn’t want to lose him! Not ever!

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But I did. I lost my Kyle. After so many years together, I had to say goodbye to the meanest, sweetest man I ever knew. He lived to be 100 days old, and he was kind enough to wait until I became immortal before passing on. Rest in peace, Kyle. I’m sorry I called you senile. Maybe I’ll stop rhyming after a while. Crocodile.

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The death hit my daughters hard, too. Even though they both had a strained relationship with their dad, I could tell it pained them. Goldfinch especially.

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There were other things on Goldfinch’s mind, though. Like the time Phil was promoted at work and received a new uniform of ABSOLUTELY NOTHING NOT EVEN A CENSOR GRID.

I’m just going to leave it at that, and not show you the many other pictures we collected of this glorious incident.

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The cats were still getting along swimmingly, pouncing on each other every five seconds and generally being adorable.

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As for Charles, his lovely princess recently aged up to elder--and underwent another change as well. Can you guess what it is?


Notes from a Proud & Slightly Traumatized Watcher

- I had to read Bleak House in undergrad. It was so long. It was so dense. It was so hard to keep all the characters straight. I still have nightmares about it. Therefore, I feel like Kyle, being a mean-spirited bookworm, would totally read it and talk about it nonstop for weeks afterward.
- I laugh at a lot of things in The Sims 3, but all the household members coming down the ladder into the cellar while Starling was trying to eat ambrosia was up there among the funniest things ever. I don’t know why it made me laugh so hard. And I don’t even know what they were trying to do! None of them showed any interest in the ambrosia, thank God--they just wanted to check out the new space, I guess.
- I have never seen a naked glitch quite like Phil’s. I have no mods installed, obviously, so I have NO idea why his naked work uniform was censor-less. I included the screenshot with the least butt in it as I could manage. I have a lot of pictures of the butt. I couldn’t help it. I was in awe.
- RIP Kyle. He really was going a bit senile in his old age, yelling at his daughters, yelling at everybody, ranting at Starling with that darn vegetable speech bubble over his head. And Starling really did roll wishes to break up with him repeatedly. I think she saw the way he treated Heron and Goldfinch, and disapproved (rightly so). Still, she loved him, and Kyle will always be remembered as a total jerk who was also sometimes okay. Rest in peace, my dude.

[Auranaris]

Oh. My. Goodness.

I probably laughed way too hard at all the people entering the Super Secret Cellar of Secrets (the SSCS?
Congratulations on your first immortal!

I’ve never read Bleak House, but I have read the Odyssey, and I heavily relate to the struggle of keeping the characters straight. 

Great chapter as always