As you can see from the photo, Diwan, Dad Swanson, and both our pets were in agony over Mom Swanson's loss.
I wasn't in the best shape either as I'd been friends with my mother-in-law since I was a teen, and loved her as much as I did my birth mother.
But Diwan just wasn't up to writing anymore about the event as it was too close, too painful.
But both Dad and Diwan were quick to respond to Fareshine and Kimo's distress.
Dad pushed his own hurt aside and rubbed Fareshine's neck, talking to her in a soothing voice, "It'll be okay girl, we're here for each other, and we'll get though it."
Diwan gave Kimo a belly rub, saying, "It's okay boy, the man in black is gone, and Mom will always be with us, no one can take our memories of her away! And she'll visit us, I'm sure of that."
Diwan said it so adamantly, that my heart ached for him as I knew he was saying it more for himself than for Kimo.
Though Kimo seemed to understand that Mom existed in a different form now.
But Diwan wasn't so nice to the poor paparazzi woman who hurried over as he shouted, "There won't be any comment from the family, lady, it's too soon, so go look for a scoop someplace else!"
I'd gotten a call from Myrabella earlier asking if she should cancel her homework session with her cousin, Irving Kindle, Aunt Grace and Uncle Ian's son, but I told her that if she felt up to it, it might help to focus on something else besides our loss.
Myrabella agreed, but I could hear a quiver in her voice, so I knew she'd been affected by it even if she'd been at school when it happened.
Loss is loss, and not being there for the actual event didn't make it hurt any less, in fact, not being there to say goodbye probably made it worse.
Not that any of us got to do that, with Grim being so strict about his time table.
The two of them diligently worked on their assignments, and though Irving was subdued at the loss of his Aunt Rielle, he finished first, while Myrabella found focusing on her high school homework a bit much under the circumstances.
Mia, on the other hand, came home distraught and flew into her father's arms, "Oh, Daddy, I can't believe she's gone!"
The two of them comforted each other as best they could and Diwan, being the wonderful father he is, said, "I think we both need to focus on something else, how about a driving lesson?"
I wasn't sure that was proper, or even wise, but the thought that it might ease their grief had me holding my tongue.
Neither one of them looked very comfortable in the truck, Diwan's face so sober as Mia asked, "Are you sure about this Daddy?"
Diwan nodded, then quietly said, "Just take it slow, focus, and we'll be fine."
Again, I had a feeling he wasn't just referring to the driving lesson.
Right after they drove off, my family from MV arrived, with my Dad quickly bringing their luggage inside, as I greeted everyone else.
Jake, Joshua, and their girlfriends, Thistle and Rosalie, had all celebrated their young adult birthdays, and it was a bit of a shock seeing them all grown up.
Especially Joshua, since he'd lost his hair prematurely and looked older than our father and Jake's pants were ridiculous!
I tried to hide it, but before I'd turned away, Jake had seen my questioning look and explained, saying, "Someone spilled their drink in my lap on the plane and these were the only pants they had on the plane that even came close to fitting me! I'd have changed once we landed but, somehow, my luggage got routed someplace else, so I'm stuck with them!"
As soon as we got inside, I fell apart, collapsing in Mom's arms as I told her what happened.
"Oh, I'm so sorry Marley. I wish we'd have known, we could have re-scheduled our visit…a house full of guests is the last thing you need right now."
"Not guests Mom, family. And I do need you. You can all stay as long as you like, we have plenty of room."
She held me tight and let me cry as she said, "We'll discuss all that in a little bit. You just cry honey."
Diwan and Mia showed up then, cutting their driving lesson short as neither one of them was really in the mood and Mia was already exhausted from her first day of high school and her overwhelming grief.
Mia welcomed her grandfather with a hug, "Oh, Grandpa Jared, it's so nice to have you here…"
But her joy was short-lived as her grief struck with a vengeance, and she began sobbing in her grandfather's arms.
I saw Mom give them a sad look and I knew her heart was breaking for all of us too.
Their visit with us that we'd all looked forward to with such joy was now filled with heartache.
But Dad had kept his promise and our own wood fire oven was delivered moments later and placed on the covered back porch.
Since the twins weren't up to it, I cooked up some lasagna.
The twins were starving and so was my Dad, so they all grabbed the first plates and sat down at the kitchen table.
Dad couldn't take his eyes off the twins and finally remarked, "Well, I see you both take after your beautiful mother and grandmother, except for your Dad's red hair. Congratulations on your birthdays!"
Myrabella had already dug into her lasagna, so Mia said, "Thanks for the present Grandpa Jared. If this tastes as good as it smells, Myrabella and I will be cooking up a lot of Italian food very soon!"
And I have a feeling Jake and Thistle will be taking there relationship to the next level soon, after seeing just how flirty they were with each other as young adults.
I didn't mean to steal their thunder, but with dinner over, it was time for Scott's birthday.
I brought him to his cake and helped him blow out his candles with family cheering him on, despite our sadness.
But Mom Swanson's absence had me breaking down just after I placed Scott on the floor.
And Mia actually caught me in full blown distress, which had me rethinking if I really was the best one to be writing this entry.
But Dad Swanson told me it was okay, and it showed just how much I loved and missed our matriarch.
And though his words were meant to be reassuring, I felt even more pressure building as I realized that I was now the oldest female in our home, the one everyone would be looking to for guidance.
It was all just too much and a nasty little thought filled my mind---you could always divorce Diwan!
And though I couldn't shake my panicked thoughts, I at least had the presence of mind to step out of the photo just as Scott became a child.
His coloring made my throat close up even more, since he had his Grandpa Leonard's dark hair with Grandma Rielle's Dean skin tone, he'd become a very handsome little boy.
After eating their cake, Dad and Scott chatted a bit, and Scott told him he'd really wanted to choose Natural Cook, so he could make yummy food just like him, but he wasn't old enough for that yet, so he'd chosen angler as his new trait.
Dad was flattered and he encouraged Scott to bake with the toy oven so that he'd have a head start on cooking when he aged to teen, and then he could use the wood fire oven as well as the stove, and even the grill where he could cook all the edible fish he caught.
"With all your fresh veggies and fresh fish, your meals will be incomparable young man!"
Scott gave his grandfather a shy smile and looked pleased as punch at his words of praise, so I knew their friendship was off to a good start.
But after their long flight, they were all pretty tired, so Jake ended his video game, gave Kimo a pat, and headed to a B&B in town, with Thistle, Joshua, and Rosalie.
Mom and Dad decided to stay at the house with us for moral support, though Mom was feeling a bit sleepy too.
So I told her to grab a nap on one of the beds.
Unfortunately she chose my in-laws bedroom, and Dad Swanson didn't even pay her any mind and just crept under the covers and went to sleep!
Needless to say, Mom was mortified when she woke up and found him by her side, and she quickly joined Dad in the nursery.
I couldn't help myself from listening in for just a bit.
"I'm just glad I woke up before he did to save us both from such an awkward situation," Mom said with an embarrassed grin, her cheeks a bit flushed.
Dad was looking pretty stony-faced, as he replied, "You'd think the man would have a better sense of propriety, but I'll chalk it down to his grief, Myra."
Mom actually laughed and said, "Just think, Jared Frio concerned about propriety, wonders will never cease!"
Dad looked even more uncomfortable as he added, "I'm not that man anymore Myra! I changed after we lost Marley."
Mom softened her tone and said, "I know Jared, her loss changed you, changed us both."
Dad sighed and said, "Changed me for the better Myra, and I don't regret that, just what had to happen for me to wake up and be a better man."
"Well, you've been a loving, caring, husband and father ever since, and now we have her back. Her, Diwan, the grandchildren. She has a wonderful life here Jared, filled with family and love. The farm is amazing, the twins have become beautiful teens, Scott's a handsome little boy. But…"
"But what?"
"I just hope she doesn't throw all that away and do something foolish. She's got a wild look in her eye, and I don't think it's just because of the loss of Diwan's mother. In fact, the stress of now being the family matriarch could very well compound the issue."
I saw my father's face even turn more sober as Mom's words struck him almost as forcefully as they had me!
They say you don't hear very nice things when you eavesdrop, especially about yourself, and I found that out in spades!
I can't believe Mom had guessed something was wrong, I thought I'd hidden it better than that.
But her words had shocked some sense back into me, and I dismissed my ugly thoughts, knowing they were the direct result of my adult birthday, quickly followed by Mom Swanson's passing, and feeling totally overwhelmed with the responsibility I now carried.
I went to up to bed, determined to shake myself out of this mid-life crisis and my own disturbing thoughts.
My head and heart were much clearer in the morning, and watching Myrabella practicing chess, seeing her so totally focused despite her heartache at her grandmother's passing, made me realize just how foolish my thoughts had been about leaving Diwan and the farm.
I could do this…I HAD to do this, it was the proper thing to do!
When I pulled Mom aside, I could see the worry for me clearly etched into her face, so I quickly put her mind at ease, "I know it was wrong to eavesdrop, Mom, but hearing your words, well, I realized just how foolish my thoughts had been! Becoming an adult, having teenage daughters, then Mom Swanson's passing and becoming the matriarch of this family, Scott becoming a child…it was just too much, too fast! But your words were a wake up call as I realized just how much I had to lose and just how precious it all is to me, Diwan, the twins, Scott, the farm…yes it is a lot, but…it's so much more than so many others have! I'm not going to do anything that would jeopardize all of that!"
The relief on Mom's face was almost instant as she pulled me in for a soothing hug, "Oh, sweetheart, I'm so glad to hear that! I was so worried for you, what you might do with all this piling up at once. I know you're strong, independent, growing up the way you did made you that way. But you didn't turn despondent, brooding, or bitter with all of that, and I know that you can get through this too. The biggest thing you need to remember is that being proper doesn’t mean you have do this alone. Diwan's family didn't get their farm to this point without all of them working together, so don't try to carry everything on your own shoulders. You've always got me and your father, your brothers, your father-in-law, and especially Diwan, to love and support you. And I know Leonard, Diwan, and all of the children will work right along side you to keep the family and the farm going. If you let them!"
"That is definitely something I need to keep in mind! I am not alone in this! And with all of you with me, I can do this, WE can do this!"
"That's my girl! Now dry your tears and we'll do something special to honor the previous matriarch of this family."
"Oh, what a wonderful idea, Mom! That sounds just perfect…"
"Yes, the PROPER thing to do!"
And with Mom's words, despite our sadness at our loss, we both smiled, and the ache in my heart eased a bit.
Since Mother Swanson was an equestrian, her love of horses and riding her contribution to the farm, we thought it was fitting that her memorial grace the barn, so she could continue to be close to her beloved Fareshine, the legacy of Sunshine and Wayfarer.
We started off by placing a family portrait on the wall of the main floor, but when Dad Swanson showed us all the trophies that Rielle had won over her years of competing, we realized there wouldn't be any place for Fareshine to even move!
So we had local contractors build a loft area and when it was finished, Leonard, Diwan, the twins, Scott, my Mom and Dad, and I, brought all of those trophies together.
And once we were satisfied with the results, we took several photos, sending one off to the local paper, accompanied by our heartfelt testimony for the passing of our matriarch.
Rielle Swanson, the 2nd generation heir of the Swanson family, took her leave this past Wednesday morning, the 6th week and the 4th day of her life in Appaloosa Plains at 102 days old, though her family believes she might have been a few days older than that.
She leaves among us, her loving husband Leonard Diwan Swanson, her daughter Kindle and husband Trevor Gallo, her daughter Karina and husband Benjamin Schmidt, and her son, the 3rd generation heir, Diwan Swanson and his wife Marley (Frio), along with Kindle and Trevor's five children, Karina and Ben's four children, and Diwan and Marley's three children, for a total of twelve grandchildren, a grand familial legacy in and of itself!
But her contribution to this community did not stop there, as she was also a horse lover and a renowned equestrian, one who rode her beloved pets, Sunshine, Wayfarer, and their filly, Fareshine, to victory, time and time again. Below is the families loving memorial to a beloved wife, mother, and grandmother, one of the greatest horsewomen to grace our community, one who passed that same love on to her granddaughter, Mia, who will be continuing in her grandmother's footsteps as an equestrian. Rielle Swanson, you will be missed, but never forgotten, as your legacy is firmly established and you will live on in the memories of friends and family in both of the towns you called home, Aggie's Corner and Appaloosa Plains, but even more so in the minds and hearts of your friends, pets, and especially family.
Though most of us were still in mourning, stopping to wipe a tear now and again, helping to put together this memorial, both the one in the barn loft, as well as the written words in the paper, seemed to ease all of our hearts a bit more.
And Mom was right, working together as a family to do this, drew us all even closer together.
As everyone left the loft, one by one, Diwan gently took my hand in his and said, "Thank you. When her spirit visits, I know she'll love this! It's just perfect Marley…"
As Diwan's anxious eyes looked into mine, I knew he was leaving something out, "But?"
"But I'm more worried about you, are you okay?"
I squeezed his hand tightly, and replied, "I'm okay, but more to the point, WE'RE okay Diwan! My Mom helped me to see the error of my dangerous thoughts and I'll do my best to banish them as quickly as I can!"
Diwan's relief was plain to see and he smiled as he squeezed my hand again, saying, "Well, you can't always control your thoughts, but as long as you don't act on them, I can live with that!"
"Now that's one promise I can make, I love you Diwan, the children, this farm, and this is where I belong!"
With those words ringing in our ears, we left the loft and walked to the house hand in hand.
Tomorrow would bring it's own trials and joys, but together was definitely the proper way to continue the Swanson legacy.
I'm not sure who'll be writing the next entry, but it will continue.
Until next time.