Chapter 52 – Something Matchy, Something Un-Matchy
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It is time. Time for Skyler’s bachelor party. Everyone’s thinking it. It’s time to start DOING it.
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The party starts off with a bang––with Skyler swaggering over to Lacie Diwan, one of his old high school flames, and accusing her of cheating.
“YOU! I can’t believe you’d do this to me! After two dates and a single kiss all the way back in high school! How could you?!”
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“But we were never actually a couple…? And I’m married...? And you’re getting married tomorrow...?”
“I don’t want to hear it. Just go away, betrayor!”
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While that’s going down, Desert Rose is taking charge of the bar.
“Anyone who wants to get back here to make Quick Drinks is going to have to SPAR me first!”
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The party dancers arrive and bore Caspian to death. Good job not being creepy, Caspian. (I assume Nile is being creepy somewhere, but I don’t have photographic evidence.)
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At least Leonard isn’t bored by the party dancers. Leonard is ALWAYS delighted, no matter what is happening.
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Landon Hudson kicks things up a notch by dancing on the counter for approximately five seconds. Nobody else dances on the counter at this party. I am very disappointed.
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The tension between Skyler and Lacie escalates until they’re shouting at each other over the thumping electronica music. Eventually, Leonard (Lacie’s husband) gets involved, baring his chest hair in an attempt to assert his dominance while Skyler cries in the corner.
Leonard: “Hey. What’s this I hear about you cheating?”
Lacie: “Skyler thinks I cheated on him by marrying you, since I kissed him one time when we were teenagers.”
Leonard: “Oh.”
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Clover tries to take control of the situation by distracting everyone with a toast.
“Excuse me, everyone! If I may draw your attention away from the shouting maniacs, I’d like to make a toast!”
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“No really, I understand that you’re all distracted! Party dancers and arguments are lots of fun. But did anyone notice that I am wearing a swimsuit?”
*silence*
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“Yeah, I figured that would work. All right, I’d like to say a few words about my cousin Skyler. He’s great. He loves Michaela, in spite of his confusing behavior towards Mrs. Diwan-Kindle over there. And he’s great. Uncle Nile here is great, too. I’m not sure why he’s standing so close to me.”
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“This concludes my toast, everyone. Please stop staring at my bikini now. I know I asked you all to look, but still.”
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Clover then sprays nectar all over the groom-to-be. She’s lucky to be wearing that swimsuit.
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The party continues long into the night, even after the rest of the family goes to bed. (Hey, Rose, what are you doing up?!)
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Oh, and Gladys is still awake too. She watches over the party from the backyard, a luminous mermaid matriarch basking under the glow of the moon.
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I lied about no one else dancing on the counter. Leonard dances on the counter. At about 5 in the morning, I’ll add. I really wanted to end the chapter with this picture, for obvious reasons, but alas, there’s a wedding to be had.
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But first, Gladys, who’s been spending too much time in the Motive Mobile lately, maxes out the fishing skill while the rest of the family sleeps in. I apologize to everyone for the poor graphics quality, including Gladys’s feet.
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In the afternoon, Skyler and Michaela hop in the family sportscar and take off for their wedding venue…
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…the beach! It’s a small family wedding without a lot of fanfare, so Skyler and Michaela start right in on their vows. I enjoy the fact that Skyler’s head is neatly framed by a beach umbrella for the occasion.
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Awwww, he looks so happy. I guess he got over that whole Lacie thing. Let’s just assume he was juiced up on quick drinks at the time and didn’t know what was happening.
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Congratulations to the newest Mr. and Mrs. Kindle!
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Even after the ceremony is over, the lovebirds remain under the wedding arch, sharing kisses while Skyler’s father plays obnoxiously upbeat bass tunes under a full moon. (Side note: why is the moon always full unless you have Supernatural installed?)
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Nile is still there when the bride and groom get frisky.
Nile: “I just want you to know, kids, that I CAN SEE YOU!”
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Back at home, Skyler and Michaela spend their wedding night together in the comfort of a house full of other people. Sorry, guys.
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…and Francine, who had to work through her nephew’s wedding, is rewarded with her final promotion. She’s a very sleepy Hit Music Composer!