Chapter 16 -- Transition to Houser
I was going to start that off by saying that writing about yourself is a lot like carving a pumpkin -- when you start, you have to clean out a lot of glop. But then it occurred to me that my family might not like being compared to pumpkin glop. I've had pumpkins on my mind a lot lately because I've had to carve ten of them to place in the family museum.
You'll have to forgive me -- I'm not very good at writing. The Watcher won't let me near a computer until I've moved out of the house because I'm in this dynasty challenge where I can get points for my levels in a particular skill. Anyway (and what a useful word that is -- perfect for when you've been digging yourself into a verbal hole and you want to get out and change the subject, but make it look like a natural transition), anyway, as I was saying, the main thing is that I'm Houser Zest and I'm going to be a famous writer someday. But right now I'm just a teen who's sometimes gloomy and sometimes goofy and I'm the heir in a dynasty. Oh, and I have a bunch of pumpkins I have to carve.
This is a picture of me and my little sister Alicia (who is an alien, but more about her later), and my Aunt Norah. Aunt Norah is a chef, but my dad did most of the cooking when I was growing up because Aunt Norah is very creative but also a bit flighty. And since she worked until late at night, you never knew when she would be on hand to make dinner. She's a good egg, but she's way too fond of the cooking channel, if you ask my opinion.
This is my Aunt Amber, talking to my Aunt Norah. When I first became a teen, I wished that she wasn't my aunt so I could marry her when I grew up. She used to wander around the house in this purple bikini lace underwear, but once I became a teen, Dad had a word with her about appropriate clothing when there's a teen-aged boy in the house, so she switched to a purple peignoir. The material was kind of gauzy and see-through, but not nearly as interesting as the purple lace. Anyway (see how useful it is?) Aunt Amber is a comedian and works most nights at The Blue Velvet. I've never seen her act, but maybe I'll be able to catch it once I get out of high school.
Aunt Amber and Aunt Norah are both sisters of my mother. If you've been reading about this dynasty, you already know about her.
As I said, my little sister Alicia is an alien, and you know how that happened if you've been reading. She loves music and is a pretty good dancer -- better than me, but not as good as our Dad. She loves movies, too, and talking to our stuffed bear -- kid's stuff.
Here she's cross with our dad because he was telling her it was bedtime. "You better not get on my bad side," she was saying. "I've got alien powers, remember." I've never seen her "alien" powers, and I don't think she'll have them until she becomes a teen, at the earliest.
Before I took over the dynasty, my dad had a long talk with me about my future responsibilities -- not just carving pumpkins and painting portraits, but also repairing things and cooking meals. He said he hoped I would maintain the high standards that people have come to expect of this dynasty, whatever that means. One thing I was worried about was (were?) my emotions. I'm not insane or anything, but I can go from gloomy to playful in less than a minute, and vice versa. Dad was actually pretty comforting. He said that we've always had a goofball in the house -- my great-grandfather, Johnny Zest, our founder, was a goofball, and grandmother Olivia was one, and of course, there's Aunt Amber. So if I tend to find things funny sometimes, that's just a part of my heritage.
Speaking of things being funny, about ten minutes after the "high standards" talk, Dad settled down to play video games. Ironic, huh?
One other thing before I start writing about the love of my life -- I thought that blowing bubbles would help me become more creative and give me some ideas of things to write about, but all it did was give me a headache. So I guess someone else is going to have to write
Confessions of a Bubble-Blower, although I still think that would be an awesome title.
Having mentioned the love of my life, here she is -- Harper Bjergsen. Isn't she adorable? Once we became friends, she started calling me up and suggesting we go out to festivals and restaurants and all kinds of places. My dad is a loner, so we hardly went anywhere when I was a child.
The first time Harper took me to a restaurant, I was just amazed that there was other stuff to eat in the world that wasn't either fish tacos or something so hot it burned your throat. "Just look at that menu!" I said, and Harper looked on indulgently.
Later I attempted to seduce her with my "wild and crazy guy" move. I suppose any other girl would have either laughed or gotten mad, but Harper just smiled and said the last time she'd seen that move had been in the music video, "Still Life." I looked it up and realized I'd been doing the same thing as the weirdo. Awkward! But she was still willing to go out with me, so it wasn't too bad.
She liked my next sexy pose, although she said it would look even better once I had more muscles. Harper lives near the ocean in Windenburg, and I must say I'm looking forward to moving in with her (fingers crossed that all goes well with the pumpkin carving). The scenery there is gorgeous.
The second restaurant we went to was Villa Bovine, which is more upscale than the Sunny Side-Up Diner. Harper ordered for us. She gave me a tip that the chef's special is usually pretty good and a good deal, too, being cheaper than usual.
After we ate, I gave her a rose...
...and I followed that up with a kiss. The next afternoon she called me. "I'm going to quit being a teen pretty soon," she said, "but there's one thing I have to do. Can you meet me at Pan Europa?"
Harper had learned about the downstairs closet from her two older brothers Dewayne and Talon. "Once I grow up, we won't be able to do anything romantic, not even hold hands," she said. "So let's make the most of this moment, okay?"
It was more than okay, as far as I was concerned. If I were a better writer, I could go into more detail. I asked her to be my girlfriend, of course, and I would have given her a promise ring, but she stopped me. "Sometimes people have problems with those," she said. "And what if you meet someone you like better when you're grown-up?" "Never," I said, but she still wouldn't let me give her one.
As we came upstairs, I saw the ghost of my great-grandmother Miko, and she saw me. "I know what you were doing down there," she said. "You better behave in the future, or I'll tell your parents." I guess on the whole, it was good that Harper and I had to wait a few days to see each other again.
Finally the great day came, the day I finished all my pumpkins for the museum and was ready to become an adult. I left the house with an empty refrigerator and an erupting bathtub, but I didn't feel too guilty. Dad is a great cook, and Aunt Norah is a chef, and the gnomes will surely take care of the plumbing.
Here's all the family -- Aunt Amber, Aunt Norah, Alicia, myself, and Mom.
I added Dad's portrait to the other heirs. Mine will be fourth, assuming that Harper and I have a child to continue the line.
Harper met me at the Sunny Side-Up Diner, where we celebrated my birthday. While we were eating our cake, we found out that the Romance Festival was going on in San Myshuno.
I proposed there, hoping that my lovely Harper lurked behind those sunglasses. I guess she did because she said yes.
I made a quick call to Mom and Dad to get them to come to the wedding, but I honestly don't know whether they arrived in time. I had eyes only for Harper, and after the fireworks went off, I was temporarily deaf. I managed to find my way to her house, though -- our house, now.
Houser's Stats upon Moving inPortraits: 6, worth $773
Collection: carved pumpkins, worth $567
Satisfaction Points: 1090
Skill: writing, 0
Job: Critic, 3
Aspiration: Best-Selling Author
Household Income: $19,800
