Zargon, Week 14First of all, there's a new addition to the family: Coleman's son, Braylon.
"Honey, what's the mailbox doing in the living room?" Eris asked. When she got closer, she saw that there was a baby inside. "Hello, there," she cooed. Braylon gurgled back.
Eris had Monday off, but Tuesday she had a list of instructions for Coleman before going to work: "The baby's been fed and diapered, and the twins will be at school most of the day, but they'll get home three hours before I do. I want you to make sure that Voldy does his homework, and Malf seems to be coming down with a cold, so you should have him drink a glass of orange juice...Coleman, are you even listening to what I'm saying?"
Eerie music comes from the TV as a six-foot-tall bunny brandishes a chainsaw.
Speaking of Voldy and Malf, here they are on their way to school. Here's Voldy...
"The name is Voldemort."
And here is Malf.
At work, it didn't take Eris long to pick up the teen-aged perpetrator who had eluded the police for several days. She took her into the interrogation room.
"Miss Mayles, numerous witnesses have said you were in the Pan Europa on the night in question. Were you aware that admission to the nightclub was for adults only?"
"Yeah, well, I'm not the first teen who's sneaked into the place. Can I go home now?"
Eris continued. "This is a picture of the crime scene. And I have to tell you aside from the bartender's, your fingerprints were the only ones found on the glass that was next to the deceased."
Maren Mayles recoiled in shock. "The d-d-deceased?"
She began to cry. "I went upstairs to use the ladies' room. He followed me and-and-and propositioned me, so I threw my root beer float in his face and he fell backwards. But I never m-meant to k-k-kill him."
Eris waited for her to finish crying. "My advice to you, young lady, is to get a lawyer. And my second piece of advice is to stay away from nightclubs until you're old enough to go there legally."
She looked back at the girl after she locked her in. How well she remembered the bed, the toilet, and the uglifying mirror. "There, but for the grace of the Watcher go I," she thought.
Interrogations always made Eris hungry so she picked up a meal before reporting to the Chief.
"Make yourself at home, why don't you," said the Chief.
"Thanks, ma'am, I will," said Eris.
"I was being sarcastic and don't call me ma'am."
"I just thought you'd like to know that the Mayles girl confessed. However, Forensics did find traces of dioxy-methilatonine 12 on the deceased's clothing, which bears out her story."
"What's that when it's at home?"
"Root beer float," said Eris.
"So basically a heroic minor was fending off the amorous advances of a dirty old man when he just happened to die. The jury's probably going to give her a commendation."
"Yes, ma'am, I mean, Chief."
"Take your plate with you when you go, Zargon."
Meanwhile, at home, Voldemort was explaining things to Malf. "See, besides playing chess with me so that I can complete my aspiration, you're going to be my wingman when we get older."
"Wingman?"
"You're going to distract the not-so-good-looking friend while I chat up the hottie."
"What's a hottie?"
From downstairs: "You guys doing your homework? Your mom's going to be home soon."
"We're just getting focused, Dad."
Once Braylon became a child, getting the twins to accept him was a challenge. There was only room for two at the counter, so they ate there and made him eat somewhere else. And there was only room for two on the loveseat in front of the TV.
Eris made sure that Braylon was included during story hour.
She and Coleman also bought a larger couch and added a dining room on to the house.
A few days later, Eris had a new crime scene to visit the Willow Creek library.
"I opened up the library this morning and all the computers had vanished," Ruby Doe reported. "It was such a shock, my hair turned white."
"Yes, I can see. Have there been any suspicious characters hanging around?"
"Well, we had a bunch of people in here a few weeks ago, reading and spending hours on the computers writing they said they were trying to become well-read writers. And then recently, there have been a lot of clubs meeting here some gamers and a group called the Page Turners."
Another witness chimed in: "There was one guy with both groups. They called him the Metroman, and a couple of people called him Boss."
"Sounds like he was the leader of a gang," commented Eris. "He's probably the one who lifted them."
"You mean, made the computers levitate?" said Ruby Doe.
"No, stole them," said Eris.
One good thing about being a Zargon was that she didn't have to waste any time chatting with suspects and getting to know them. A quick personality analysis was all that Eris needed.
It made the perp angry, but when you were arresting someone, it wasn't like you'd become best friends anyway.
And a mugshot wasn't quite the same as a selfie.
"Just because you've been promoted doesn't mean you've got privileges, Zargon."
"No ma'am, I mean, Chief. Anyway, we found the computers at Metroman's home. He claims he was just practicing and that he intended to bring the computers back, but the library had been locked up and he couldn't get in."
"A likely story. I hope you threw the book at him."
"Yes, Chief. One computer would only be a misdemeanor, but when you add up the value of four, you're talking felony."
"Excellent. I guess that promotion was well-deserved."
"Thanks, Chief."
"Take your plate with you when you go."
On Saturday, Voldemort set off to meet the little red-haired girl he'd seen at school. Her name was Lyrica Oirat. He took Malf along as wingman, to talk to her mother while he got to know Lyrica better.
"Hi, Voldy," she said.
"The name's Voldemort." He scowled, and added, "Or sometimes people call me 'You-know-who.'"
"That sounds silly," said Lyrica. "Am I supposed to say, 'How do you do, You-know-who?' It sounds like you don't know who you are."
Voldemort didn't know how to respond to that so he suggested they meet for chess after lunch. Once he'd won a few chess games, he was sure Lyrica would treat him with more respect.
"Look out, behind you!" Lyrica shouted. Voldemort turned, but there was nothing there.
"I thought I saw a six-foot-tall bunny," said Lyrica. A few moves later she triumphantly announced "Meck-chate!"
"That's funny," said Voldemort. "I could have sworn I had the queen's path blocked." Belatedly, he remembered Malf saying the exact same thing a few nights ago, when Voldemort had pulled the same trick and removed an inconvenient pawn.
"You're not going to fool me again," said Voldemort. "Another game?"
They played a second game, and Lyrica won again. Without cheating. Voldemort was just going to have to find a different way to teach her respect.
