Divine Deception"Perfect Illusion"Years ago, a friend of mine had a father who practiced in the art of magic: wild card tricks, sawing people in half, pulling bunnies out of hats. But it was the illusions that intrigued me most. Taking a paper bill and having it float in what seemed like thin air. He'd always tell his audience, always looked at me specifically, that if one could see things as they really were, there would be no need for magic. But as human beings, we thrive to find an escape of reality. That deep down we want to believe there is something much mightier than logic with the ability to answer to our burning questions that keep us as prisoners in our own life.
Experiences and expectations have wormed their way into what I once classified as my logical scope, the pieces I know are true and aren't altered because of my tainted beliefs. I was so sure when I left Sunset Valley that it was the right thing to do. Yet, here I am, dreaming of Nathan, imagining that he's right here with me because I can't bear to think of the alternative. If I had confronted my monsters back then, none of what happened would have. My judgement has clouded and I am blinded by this illusion that magic will take care of everything, allowing my escape.
The house emptied the moment Hunter and the other singed man left in an uproar. I can't say that I blame them. They'd both been involved in near death experience and that was after the my big mouth opened up about who Sadie really is. Whether Vic wants it or not, to say that this party isn't going to be the talk of the town would be a complete lie. Everybody who's anybody will be talking about it for the weeks to come and as bad as it is, something tells me the talk isn't going to be about how great dinner was or the lovely decorations.
"Have a good night, George. Yes, I'll see you Monday morning at work."
I can hear Vic and Sadie saying goodbye as the rest of the guests leave the house. They're on the front porch, waving, smiles nailed on their faces, bolted down as if to make it seem like everything is okay. It isn't until the final guest gets into their car that I know for a fact that Vic and Sadie have been faking happiness.
"Well, that could have gone better," Vic mumbles, still looking out at the street, waving at the guests as they venture down the road and out of sight. "What in the world happened?"
Sadie rubs her head as if to ward off a headache. "Delilah had some questions and it just got out of hand."
"Out of hand?" he scoffs. "Sadie, that was disastrous."
"I know. I said I would handle it, did I not?"
Vic nods. "I have to make some phone calls. You know how quick word travels in this small town."
I can hear Sadie walking around the house. Her footsteps hit the surface of the wood deck in rhythmical strides, interrupted by the occasional creak. I'm still in the snow, looking up at the clear sky when I hear her speak out.
"Delilah, would you come inside, please?" Her tone is so motherly that all I can see in my mind is her dressed in an old, ragged dress with stains that had miss the discoloured apron around her waist. My mother is no
Mother of the Year, but seeing her on the prairie, calling out to her children is so vivid in my mind now. When I look up to meet her and catch sight of the Louis Vuitton blue dress that cost a fortune, I am reminded of how wrong my mind can be sometimes. I get up without any fuss and follow my mother into the living room.
Sadie takes a seat on the sofa first, patting the cushion next to her for me to join her. I do without hesitation. And then we sit, staring into the flames of the fire in silence. I know what I want to say to her, I had it all worked out in my mind when I left the hospital. Now, I can't for the life of me, figure out where to start. Jumping out and saying that I want to destroy the people who hurt me and Nathan is hardly something I want to spit out without any build up. I want to tell Sadie how I can sit patiently and hope that everything will get better because it never does. I need to act, but I can't see Sadie giving me any notion to go as I please. Whether I believe it or not, Sadie still thinks she has better judgment than I do, that she can foresee the problems that I will inevitably face. Isn't that what a mother does?
"Okay," Sadie says as she exhales deeply. "Go."
I shoot her a look of confusion. "Go where?"
"Start." She pauses for a moment and then continues, "You couldn't wait to tell me whatever was on your mind, so start now."
"I..." The words aren't coming to me. It doesn't matter how hard I try, I can't remember what I came up with earlier. All I can think about is destruction.
Destruction, destruction, destruction. The word keeps repeating in my head like a broken record. So I just say it. "I want to destroy them."
Sadie's eyebrows raise. "Destroy who?"
"Whoever did this to Nathan and me."
Sadie's lips press against each other until they form a thin, straight line. "You have no idea how many holes are in what you just said."
"Like what?" I said snappishly. "Because I seem to be the only person who wants to do something."
"To begin with, you want to take down an organization. That is, if I am hearing you correctly."
"That's exactly what I want!"
"I envy your determination, Delilah, I do. And I understand it more than anybody. But how do you plan on taking down a company when you barely know anything yourself?"
I barely know anything myself? The way she says it is like a slap across my face. It makes my cheeks burn with anger, flashing a red glow down my neck. "I know--"
"Delilah, you're a child. You don't know what your asking for. I know you think you can take on the world right now but you can't."
"I could if I had your help--"
"You couldn't keep to the simple task of keeping my alias. You blew my cover if front of a few dozen people we are to classify as friends. These people you want to go up against are strong, stronger than the people here tonight most definitely, and we haven't even discussed torture and manipulation." Sadie holds me in her disconcertingly frank gaze. "I don't think you know what exactly you're trying to get into, honey."
"But you did?" I bite my lip immediately afterwards to stop myself from lashing out any farther. I've got Sadie hooked, but I know if I push any more that I could lose her once and for all. I don't want Sadie to toss her hands in the air and walk away from this. I need her help. She's been through this. She knows more than I do and if I have any chance of doing what I want to set out to do, I need her by my side.
Sadie takes a deep breath and leans into the back of the sofa to gather her bearings. "I have done a lot in the past that I am not proud of, Delilah. I destroyed a lot of people which slowly destroyed me. And the more I did it, the more obsessed I became of it. The want to make everything perfectly correct and right that there is no evil in the world. That's why I did it, however. But the thing is, for there to be good, there needs to be bad. And yes, I did remove a lot of bad apples from the world, but the more you deal with rotting personalities, the more you become the very thing you set out to destroy. I don't want that for you."
"I get that, Sadie--"
"Do you?" The way she looks at me makes me think that she's not convinced.
"I do, and forgive me for speaking so freely, but the way I see it is that it seems a little contradictory coming from you."
Sadie cocks an eyebrow. "Contradictory? How so?"
"Why did you agree to work with Peters again after everything you knew about him and his group? After everything they did to you, to us. They ruined this whole family, had you slip into the centre of it and pull it apart from the insides and then after it all, had you locked up and threw away the key for so many years. Why would you, the woman who got stung by them time and time again, agree to help them once again when they asked for it?"
"Because of you!" Sadie says aggressively, almost to the point of yelling. "I was trying to save you!"
"Exactly," I say. "How is what I am doing any different?"
Sadie goes to open her mouth to defend herself and then closes it again.
"I get that I need to know more than I do, I get that. But, as crazy as it sounds, and I am sorry if I am being forthcoming, I am doing this with or without your help. I am not going to stick my head in the sand and hope that things get better because they're not. We're targeted and only used when somebody higher up in the hierarchy decides we could be of some use. I don't like that and it's only because of who we are. Just because I am an Alto I am pulled into this sick game, and if I'm going to play, I want to play by my own rules."
"Delilah, these people are bad."
"As I said, I'm going to do this with or without your help. Unfortunately, we both know without, it's going to take longer."
We stare at one another for what feels like hours. I know what's going through my mother's head. She's trying to find some hole in my way of thinking that will deter me from this outlandish plan that I have concocted. I don't blame her. Since I left the hospital earlier, actually since I left the hospital myself a week ago, I've been trying to find an alternative. I haven't come up with anything. Either I engage or evade. There's nothing in between.
"There's a lot wrong with how you're thinking," Sadie begins. She's not looking at me. She's crossed her right leg over her left and is running the nail of her thumb along the stitching of the arm of the sofa. For a moment, I don't think I've made my point and that she's going to continue to disregard everything I say. As a matter of fact, from her inability to look at me I have to wonder if she's about to throw me out. "You're being ignorant and not listening to what I am saying. You're being arrogant in thinking that you can accomplish such an absurd goal without any training behind you. You've been rude, foolish, and deep down frustrating."
She finally meets my eyes. "You're just like me and the reason why I know you're never going to let this go. You are my daughter, after all."
"Do you think I am out of my mind for wanting to do this?" I ask her.
"Yup, but so was I." She looks down at her nails again. "I'm not lying when I say there are a lot of holes in your plan, and I know that you're not going to let this go. Hopefully your a fast learner."
A smile tickles the corners of my lips, yet I force myself to keep a straight face. "Sadie, I just want to take back what's mine."
"Don't we all." She smirks at me. "Buckle up... it's about to get rough."
Illusions are battles of what one wants to believe is truth. It's what we're prepared to confront. As of late, I've found myself hungry for such an escape. To run free in a time when nothing else matters, where I am unable to feel pain, to feel loss. To stop the acidic bile from splashing up against the back of my throat, worrying about what my next steps need to be. A perfect illusion is Utopia and if there's anything I've learned from running for it, away from my past, it's that I am never able to find it. I'm just somewhere different. It's wearing a different face, but I know it's the same. Parallel lines blur and I am once again staring at the very thing I've been running from. Just this time, I'm ready to take it down.