Not everyone is as confident as Nathaniel or as experienced as Everette. Shall we see how one of our more inexperienced bachelors is doing before The Bachelorette
begins?Kenshin bowed respectfully to his father as they began their latest sparring match. Despite the importance of his training, Kenshin was having difficulty focusing on the sparring. He knew it was foolish. Just because he was anticipating his trip to Starlight Shores, he had no excuse for not performing better in his matches.
Katashi: Ambitious kick, Kenshin. Remember your balance!
This was his father's tradition. Every movement Kenshin made was scrutinized and evaluated by his father. Kenshin found his father's remarks to be most enlightening. If Julia Child offered to teach you how to bake blueberry muffins, you would listen to her advice, no? Kenshin felt the same way of his father's advice.
Katashi: Plant your foot firmly and... kick!
Kenshin: You leave your flank open, father.
Katashi: Oh? And what shall you do about it? Knowledge is key to victory, but so is application.
Katashi: I see you possess both. Now, again.
Katashi: Your stance betrays you. I anticipate your movements, and react accordingly. When you become predictable, you become vulnerable.
Katashi: By embracing the chaos of battle, you become unpredictable, impossible to foresee.
Kenshin: Only when my actions are incomprehensible, my thoughts inconceivable, my stance unreadable, will I triumph.
Katashi: Yes. Now go, Kenshin. I sense something different in your form. Perhaps some time alone will give you time to solve your woes.
Kenshin: Thank you, father.
His father was right, of course. Something
was different in his form, and he knew why. His thoughts were scattered, divided between his daily duties and his upcoming travels. Kenshin was not proud to admit it, but he was nervous. Romantic endeavours had never been the focus of his father's lesson, or even a sidenote. Kenshin had learned many lessons from his father, but he would need a new master to teach him the workings of love.
Fortunately, he knew one. Well, master may not be the right term, but he was the most experienced that Kenshin was aware of.
As Kenshin approached the bunker, he began to reconsider his decision to seek advice. He was the most experienced romancer Kenshin knew, but he didn't exactly like him. He felt that his sister could do better than a angry man who lived in a bomb shelter. Still, he needed advice from somebody, and neither his father nor sister would be suitable partners. Reluctantly, Kenshin knocked on the door.
Hunter: Who is it! Are you from Twinbrook! You'll never take me alive!
Kenshin: Calm yourself, Hunter. I'm not here to hurt you. Not this time.
Hunter: *opens door* Oh, it's just you. What do you want?
Kenshin: May I come in?
Hunter: Whatever.
Hunter: So, what you do want with me? There's nothing wrong with Chika, is there? Did those cursed Twinbrookers get her? I'll have a word with them-
Kenshin: No, no, my sister is fine. This is more of a personal issue.
Hunter: This isn't about that Bachelorette nonsense, is it?
Kenshin: Is there a problem, Hunter?
Hunter: Humph. And my mother thought
I was desperate.
Kenshin: You're aware that I am not experienced when it comes with women.
Hunter: I'll say! Remember the lady at the movie theatre? The one with the popcorn and the M&M's?
Kenshin: Quite clearly, I'm afraid. My point is that you have had more opportunities to learn about romance, and I would greatly appreciate it if you gave me some advice on the matter.
Hunter: You want me to give you advice on women?
Kenshin: Unless you're saying that you're not experienced enough...
Hunter: Are you kidding! I've spent years flirting and dating! Of course I could help you, don't be ridiculous!
Hunter: You have to take your time with women, you do. Don't rush them. You might be thinking about Woohoo, and they're thinking about cuddling. Know how to recognize the difference, or you'll be getting neither.
Kenshin: That shouldn't be too tough. Anything else?
Hunter: Don't be shy. Sure, being a little distant might be cute for a while, but if you don't make yourself stand out, she'll get bored and move on to somebody else. I'm not saying you should be up in her face or anything, but be assertive.
Kenshin: Okay. Be assertive, but not too bold.
Hunter: And don't do any of that "dark and troubled" nonsense! That was new and edgy ten years ago. Now it's just cliché!
Kenshin: That wasn't where I was going with that.
Hunter: Just covering all my bases.
Kenshin: Is that all?
Hunter: Pretty much. I mean, there's the basic stuff. Don't flirt with other women with her, don't complain about her new haircut, don't throw up on her cat.
Kenshin: You threw up on my cat!?
Hunter: I didn't say
I did any of that! I, uh, I have a friend.
Kenshin: What's his name?
Hunter: Er.... Hunt, um, Huntred! Yeah, that's his name. Huntred!
Kenshin got up off of Hunter's couch in no better condition than he arrived. He worried that visiting Hunter was a waste of time, and he couldn't help but doubt his advice. On the other hand, maybe he was right. As crude and generally unpleasant as he was, Hunter might be onto something with his tips. Kenshin decided to return home and meditate on this most recent development.
Jump to
Bachelor Update: Leopold.