Chapter 88 - Panda Bears Dear Jerry,
This is definitely not from your cousin and I think you have eyes like a panda bear.
Love,
Not Your Cousin.
In between texts to Jerry, I updated the living room to suit my more classic sensibilities. Ladies and gentlegerms, meet Living Room and Kitchen and Dining Room 6.0! (Butterflies . . .)
The walls of my bedroom are lined with photos of my grandparents and mother as toddlers. It makes me giggle to think that Grandpa Nick was such a cute pouty little toddler, and that Grandma Bree wore her hair up in ribbons.
Mama's proposal for free health clinics finally passed, so now she has the coolest job ever! I told her to scan for aliens, too.
You never know where they are.
Oh, and Uncle Jasen wanted to know why he can't have kids. Mama told him it was just Story Progression, but he still wanted a . . . ah . . . yeahess.
My first full moon was that night. It was fantastic! The world was all spinny and glowy and sparkly, and I just wanted to spread my wings and soar up, up into the purple sky and into the velvety blanket of space, all the way to the silver beautiful moon . . .
But that didn't work, so I went over to our graveyard and ranted to Grandpa Brandon about how Jerry wouldn't talk to me! He drove right over to the Hart house and brought Jerry back, then rode off into the moonrise .
What can I say? His eyes are panda bears.
He asked me to cure him of being a fairy, because the kids at school thought his wings were girly and he didn't want to live forever while everyone else died. Sounds like a perfect dynasty spouse, eh?
I immediately launched into an explanation of the inevitable alien invasion, and how we were all in serious jeopardy, and the different ways in which one can balance a glass plate on both foot and head while juggling subatomic weapons.
Sandy the Gnome:
And so, I declare my independence from the oppressive reign of Rufus and, with renewed hope towards a brighter future, nominate myself for the position of Emperor Gnome!Everyone else:
Huzzah!Rufus:
Nooooooo!
Jackie the Dark:
Life force . . . draining away . . .
Jerry napped over, and I invited him to the Prom (which was taking place that evening), but made sure to warn him that Proms were notorious for being alien fronts for alien businesses.
"
Oh, but we definitely can't fall in love, because the aliens would use that love as a weapon against us! They control us. They control everything!"
"
WHYYYYYYY!
Prom was truly marvelous, and I didn't see a single alien! Just like with Mama, all of my extended family voted for me. Only, Mama's extended family was the Hatches and French, while mine is the Harts. Like
hearts! But also . . .
not.
I thought I spotted alien while we were taking our picture, and shouted a battle cry, leaped onto Jerry, and shouted for him to carry me over so I could deck the miscreant. But it was only Mr. Kerplankistan, from drama class. I've got my eye on you, Kerplankistan . . .
Jerry and I kissed in the middle of the slow dance, and he asked me to go steady! I like him. I like him a whole lot. His green light and my orange light are all glowy and sparkle together, with zaps and fire and lightning.
Mama and Daddy are YOLOing, especially since Daddy is slowly getting older and older and older. I hate to watch the gray closing in on Daddy. It seems impossible that he could ever die.
Every time the Watcher leaves them alone for two minutes, they immediately find each other extremely irresistible and start making out and flirting! It's easy for me to disguise my relationship with Jerry, which I have to do because it's against the law for cousins to date and shouldn't have even been possible except I bent the universe a tad.
I like his pretty eyes most of all. I thought they were panda bears, but they're really panda bears with stars in
their eyes holding the moon in each paw.
His lips are nice, too.
So is his face. It's soft and warm, like a bunny rabbit.
Mama and Daddy were so happy with my grades, they let me throw a costume party! I put shells in my hair and dressed up as a mermaid, with little stars.
Daddy was a rock star, and Mama dressed up as a fireman because firemen save lives and so do doctors and so do airforce pilots.
Jer-bear dressed up as a criminal, because--wait for it--he stole my heart. Just like the aliens are stealing are natural resources to fuel their demonic devices!
I convinced him to ditch the party (there was an alien!) and we went to Mick's and sang karaoke. It kinda made me want to be a singer, but I knew it was just a triggered lifetime wish that had nothing to do with my actual traits or aspirations. So there.
Oh, and a family with kids finally moved to town! Here's Willow Doyle and a kid.
Another cute little girl with a rainbow head.
And James Doyle! It almost worked for Lester Dojo, so . . .
maybe this little guy will grow up to father the eighth generation!
