Elven Cosmetics
Gillian: See! It's a real live Elf! Ears and everything!
Valerie: Yeah, I can see that, Gill. Who are you, exactly?
Leliana: Oh, my sincerest apologies for bursting in uninvited. My name is Leliana.
Valerie: And what are you doing in our living room, exactly?
Leliana: Please, have a seat and I'll explain.
Leliana: I heard that most dreadful interruption to our televised programming. I sought you out as soon as I realized what his plan was.
Valerie: His plan? What plan?
Leliana: I'm afraid this Murdoch fellow has come to Union Cove to kidnap you!
Valerie: What! How did you find that out?
Leliana: A friend of mine is close to Murdoch, and she informed me of his plots as soon as she found out.
Gillian: Stars are pretty, aren't they?
Valerie: Why are you telling us about this, anyway? We don't know you, and you don't know us.
Leliana: Well, forgive me if I don't want anybody being kidnapped in my neighborhood, Ms. Cruz.
Valerie: Point taken. What should we do about it?
Leliana: My brother runs a salon a few blocks away. We can hide out there, even get you two some disguises. I hope you wouldn't mind, of course.
Valerie: *chuckle* Oh, no. I have no problem with getting a disguise.
Gillian: I mean, they're so shiny, but we can't wear them. It's like a juicy contradiction.
Leliana: Well, it's settled then! Let's head out to the salon.
Valerie: Shouldn't we pack a bag? We might have to be there a while.
Leliana: Oh, I doubt you'll be staying at the salon very long.
Gillian: Well, where is he? I don't see any caterpillars here.
Leliana: Caterpillars?
Valerie: Don't ask.
Leliana: Very well. I'm sure Silas is just running a tad late. He'll be here soon. Why don't you just wait out in the lobby?
Gillian: Oh, this is so exciting! We're going to get makeovers! I think I'd look quite nice in an afro, don't you?
Valerie: Yeah, sure. But we can't stay here too long. Murdoch wants to kidnap us, and the longer we stay in one place, the easier that will be.
Gillian: But if we get disguises, then we'll be fine, right?
Valerie: Maybe. But after this Silas figure gives us a makeover, we have to move on. We'll have to talk to m- to A about our plans.
Gillian: Okay. I just hope Silas does a good job.
Silas: Indeed he will, my dear little mango!
Silas: For it is I, Silas Monsoonial Song, world-class stylist and fashion connoisseur!
Gillian: World-class? How do I look? Like a beautiful little mango, right?
Silas: Not just any mango, my sweet, but the most beautiful mango of them all!
Gillian: And Valerie looks great too, right?
Silas: Of course she- Oh. *ahem* Oh, dear.
Silas: My dear mango, I'm afraid your friend here is in dire need of my professional assistance.
Valerie: "Dire need?" What on Earth is that supposed to mean?
Silas: Oh, where do I begin? The splattered eye shadow, that horrendous stack of fabric on your head that you call a hat. Oh my!
Valerie: Has it occurred to you that I might have a reason for wearing a hat?
Silas: To hide the miserable state of your makeup? To draw attention away from your flea-ridden jeans and outdated leather jacket?
Valerie: Oh, you little-
Silas: Now, now, dear! Do not be upset! Your dear friend Silas will help you become a whole different person! Come along, now. Leliana, dear, could you handle my mango's makeover. I'm afraid my utmost layers of talent are needed for this job.
Leliana: I'll admit to you, Gillian, that there isn't much to do here. You already look fantastic.
Gillian: Thank you! I wore this especially for the ladybugs!
Leliana: Naturally. They have to be exposed to our best sides, after all. I think we can do a bit of sprucing up to add that nice special edge, though. Let's get started, shall we?
Silas: Oh my, it seems dear Silas has his work cut out for him today. There's so much to fix here, my dear.
Valerie: There's nothing to fix, and stop saying "dear" all the time!
Silas: First we'll have to play around with that hair colour.
Valerie: You are
not touching my hair, understand!?
Silas: Oh! Feisty little rose, aren't you? Fine, I won't change the colour, but that hat simply has to go!
Leliana: And finally, those new shoes will help you walk with elegance without being uncomfortable on your feet.
Gillian: Yeah, they're so comfortable!
Leliana: So, what do you think?
Gillian: I think you did an amazing j- Wait, you have a
mirror on your ceiling! Whoa.
Leliana: If you'd excuse me a moment, please?
Gillian: Of course.
Valerie: What in the world do you do to me?
Silas: I figured the only way to fix you was to make you so outlandish that the assumption would be you work in a circus.
Valerie: The whole point was to be less noticeable, not more! Ugh, you're useless.
Silas: No, I'm afraid I have quite a few uses, actually. I can unclog any toilet in the world within 60 seconds.
Valerie: Bah!
Silas: So rude! Now, I have customers to take care of. Good day!
Valerie: I bet I could make a better outfit then that clown.
Valerie: See? Much better. Why couldn't he do something like this? No matter. Where did Leliana run off to, anyway?
Leliana: Yes, they're getting makeovers right now.
Voice: Good. That should distract them for a while.
Leliana: What should I do now?
Voice: When the salon closes, execute our plan. That will give me plenty of time to run things over here. Sound good?
Leliana: Of course. See you soon. Bye.
