Finally! I live!
Part 19: Additive SculptureI don’t know what to feel. Things got too complicated here, too quickly. Things should be easy. Perfect, with a smooth finish. Well, I guess “Should” is an unfair word. I just…wanted something easy. I guess I can’t get that.
Uh, that’s a little bitter-sounding, isn’t it? I’m sorry. I’m not really bitter, except maybe with myself. I just don’t know what to do about my feelings – everything feels like it’s hanging from a thread, and I’m going to screw it all up (or maybe I already have). Not just with Diane, but with Mom and my work and everything! So I’m going up the wall.
Well, I have a lot of time to think it over by myself in the art room tonight. Diane found herself a date at last. Her name is Janae, and as far as I can tell, she is our only classmate. She and Diane get along well – they’re both natural flirts.
Diane said she wanted to go to the movies with me, but, well, it’s a school night and it was sort of late when she wanted to go out, so I didn’t want to risk getting in trouble. She just sort of sighed and laughed and headed out the door.
I don’t think it was anything serious, but they had a good time. Well, I know it was nothing serious. Diane doesn’t want that sort of relationship.
I mean, she did come home at 3 AM, as expected of Diane. I mean, what if she had been caught by the police? I was so worried!
As for Mom…
I haven’t really had the chance to apologize. Well, it’s not that I think I should have agreed, or that she doesn’t need to step it up as a mother, but – but – I probably went too far.
But she’s been super-invested in her work since then. I’ve never seen her as fired up as she is now. I’ve only seen her going between her study and her lab, a mound of books in-hand – if she’s been eating, I don’t know when. I think it’s been all elixirs and moodlet managers for her for a while.
Dad’s been trying to pull her away for a bit. I…I think he and Darleen are the only people who can even try to do that. Or…Maybe they’re the only ones who try? I just don’t have anything I can talk to her about.
Anyway, Dad’s methods of drawing her out are kind of useless to anyone else, so.
So.
Um, well, Stan’s been going to school now. He doesn’t have many classmates, but I guess with me roaming the halls, they don’t think he’s an unusual sight.
Uh, I’m still the bottom of the heap. I think it’s just a habit for everyone now. I’m…A little jealous. He’s a lot more normal than me, in a lot of ways. Better with people, that sort of thing. He joined the scouts, to give him something to do.
Mom’s been taking time from her studies to help with homework. He keeps laughing and saying that this way, he’ll never have to pay attention in class again.
Maybe I worry too much. I mean, even Mr. and Mrs. Dreamer are finding some time for each other, and their schedules are very incompatible: when Uncle Darren’s getting home from work , Aunt Darleen’s going to work.
The time they must have together must be very precious.
…And, well, it’s like that with their daughter, too.
Since it’s Spooky Day tomorrow, it’s not a school night! Put it another way, we’ve got plenty of time for a really nice date night.
The local art museum has a really modern feeling, down to the architecture – I’m a bigger fan of classics, but I have to admit, the sheer display of it all, even the careful decisions in the museum’s style of presentation, has left even me impressed!
When someone listens to you ramble about brushstrokes and lighting and the way this creates a solid sense of shape in an otherwise abstract environment, allowing a sense of meaning to come out of the image, when you turn your head and see that, even though you’ve just been rambling like a kid for five minutes, she’s smiling because you’re so happy…How can you not love that?
”You know, though…I bet we’ll blow these guys out of the water. No doubt!”“You think? I mean, I’m sure you’ll do great things…But my work is still very amateur. I’ve got a long way to go before I’m good enough to show anyone. A proper exhibition…It might be beyond my ability.”
She laughed.
”You? Nah. No way…I think you’re more likely to get what you want than anyone. There’s…A sort of iron determination under all your fretting, you know that? I can tell.”“You think?” I’m not sure I have any determination, in the end.
”Don’t you go doubting me, Ferrus. One day you’re going to burst out of that mild-mannered Clark Kent shtick, and then we’ll see what Superman’s really about.”She did a Superman pose. I threatened to open my shirt, Superman-style, to somewhat over-enthusiastic nods and thumbs up...Even a whistle…The pressure was too much.
We laughed at that one, and went to move on to the next painting.
…In a lot of ways, it wasn’t really any different from just hanging around her as a friend, even though it was a date. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing, really.
The museum closed before we felt like going home.
”Hey, Aunt Aurum used to tell you a lot about stars, right? There’s a great view tonight... Siddown. Tell me about them.”She put her arm around my back, tucked herself into my side, leaning into my shoulder. Like a warm embrace.
All I want is this. But…
If someone else tells her better stories about the stars tomorrow, will she have any reason left to come back to watch them with me? It’s not that I even really mind her seeing other people. It’s just…How can I compete? I’m not really good at dating, or stuff like that.
All the same, before we head home, she pulls me in close and says,
”Tonight was fun. We should do this during the weekend, too. It’s too cold for your beach –“‘It’s…sort of really more meant to be your beach.’ Is what I don’t say.
”But I think there’s another museum on the dead lake side of town, so we should go there.”“Yeah, we should. I…Had a wonderful time tonight.”
If I could shut up my own head, I’m sure I could be happy.
Ferrus really steals much of my good analysis of Ferrus. Curse him, but he’s ultimately right about himself: his biggest obstacle and his worst enemy is the convoluted maze of his own thoughts.We go home. Since we used the Moodlet Manager earlier, it’s not like we’re tired. Diane wants to try out sculpting, so I set her up on Dad’s station and we got to work.
Ferrus’s form is…certainly unique, isn’t it? I wonder if the young witch even noticed that he’d passed through solid matter.
The mysteries of the Alchimia household are stunning, even to a scholar like myself.
In the meanwhile, Aurum’s attempts to help Ferrus out were being met with frustration. It wasn’t just that she wasn’t entirely sure what he wanted, but that the means to do so were evading her. In the end, she was trying to reverse-engineer her own properties, all on her own. It must have been a difficult struggle, and after days of attempts, she finally snapped.
She snapped and decided to take her family to a festival to clear her head.
I’m not sure whose idea it was, but somehow, we all ended up going out to the festival for the day.
Mom decided to go try out the Haunted House, first. Diane was right behind, but…No way were you getting me in there! Absolutely not!
Aurum reported the Haunted House to be deeply disappointing, and not at all an opportunity to see ghosts without removing them from their locations. In fact, some of them were just clear tricks involving the properties of substances like dry ice. While the Dreamers (well, the adult Dreamers) enjoyed some apple-bobbing… (my dad was getting his face painted. What a kid).
And my brother and I had a pie-eating contest.
I’m glad to spend the time with him…But that boy’s a demon when it comes to food.
”All the pie we can eat! This is the best, bro!”…He was still saying that 3 pies in. I…I don’t know how.
I ate way too much pie. I didn’t even know that was possible…
After I’d cleaned up and put my costume on, Dad came over to talk to me.
”Hey, Ferrus. I…hear you’ve been having a rough time lately.”Oh. He’s gonna chew me out about Mom, isn’t he?
“It’s…really mostly self-inflicted.”
”Yeah, that’s right.” He laughed. Not at me, just…you know. In general.
”And I thought, I’d, you know, do my dadly duty and maybe try and offer some hard-earned advice. You know, before we go pumpkin-carving and so on.”“…Well, if you’ve got some, I’ll listen.”
He smiles and pats my back.
”Things aren’t perfect.”…I’m waiting for the advice part of this.
”Things aren’t perfect, love isn’t perfect, the people you love aren’t perfect. They never will be. But… That’s OK. Ok? You’ve gotta, well, learn to let things go. Like, your mom. It was really hard, getting to a place where I understood her. But…Because I did, I found a wonderful life. Because she’s not perfect, because I’m not perfect, I found things I never believed existed in me. Because our lives weren’t ever perfect, they got *better.*
…Something like that, anyway. Forgive a little. Relax a little, even just one bit at a time. Go with the flow, kiddo.”Blithely saying ‘learn to let things go’….Is that something I can do? But… I also think…He might be right. About forgiving, I mean.
”And, hey, Ferrus. That goes for you, too. You don’t have to be perfect, either.”Pretty sage words, from a guy in clown make-up.It was a really nice day.
I…I’ll try to take all of it to heart. I’ll try harder, too.