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Part 13: Parenting is Hard
In the wake of Darleen’s death, Diane wasn’t the only one Ferrus was concerned about comforting. He’d found her wandering the halls in the early morning, her face deliberately blank, and pulled her aside into the art room, where he spent basically all of his non-working hours these days, trying to push through mediums so he could move through to other projects. “Mom? Are you sure you’re OK? It’s…been a rough couple of days, with Dad and Aunt Darleen, and you’ve…sort of been scarce, and I…Well, I was worried about you.”
“Please, do not be concerned. I have been prepared for this from the outset. I have been absolutely hardened, so do not… It is an acceptable matter…It is…”
Her words came out haltingly, thick and heavy with the weight of the last two days, and their unexpected blows. Aurum was no good at farewells; had this whole venture not been her way of avoiding a farewell?
Ferrus’ weakness may have been his heart, slightly over-touchy and slightly wound, it’s true. If that’s the case, then his strength also had to be his heart, which felt out the weight of those farewells on her shoulders, and had before she said anything.
He pulled her into a hug; the two figures, made of gold, must have understood then the unusual conductivity of that metal which allowed their shared sorrow to move between them like their body heat, like a pair of cold coins heating in your hand.
And Aurum’s body softened enough to let loose her own heart, rather than try and let it circle inside her head.
“There, there…It’s OK, Mom. Well, not OK OK. But, you know… I know. It’s not forever.”
He was throwing words at the wall to see if any of them stuck. Finding them inadequate to comfort someone who he’d always had a hard time reaching and, more than that, someone so precious as his mother, who he’d be spending lifetimes with.“’Let no man be considered dead while his name is still spoken.’ As long as you and I are here – as long as you and I hold Dad and everyone close…Then we’ll be carrying them with us. You work with ghosts; you know more than anyone that nothing’s really gone.”
This seemed to do the trick. She straightened, and nodded.“…You are right; there are natural laws for the soul as well, which must be understood and adhered to. This is my duty, as well. Thank you, Ferrus.”
They both got changed for Venus’s upcoming birthday party, and rejoined their discussion.“…While we are talking, might it at last be time? You said you intended to give me the tissue samples I have been seeking, so might you…?”
Ferrus had said that, hadn’t he? Still, the moment the phrase ‘Tissue Sample’ left her lips, a shudder jolted down his spine. He just wanted to go hide somewhere, away from needles and mysterious beakers and the prospect of terrible clones and incomplete flipper-things.“Mom, I…I can’t. Ok, I just – I just can’t. I want to help, honest, but – no. No. I’m too scared. I’m sorry, sorry, but no. That’s it!”
Aurum regarded this with an assessing air.“Very well. While it is regrettable, I will accept this outcome. I would hope to study you more exactingly in the future through other means… But I do not wish to frighten you.”
Ferrus’s heart sang the way it did when the ice broke before his chainsaw in exactly the way he’d intended – the whole thing falling like an avalanche, a structure suddenly emerging bright and crystalline. He thought he might have heard angels singing hallelujah. “Besides, it will be a fine mother-son bonding exercise for Stannum and I.”
The angels shut up and shuffled awkwardly off to one side. A leopard, Ferrus must have thought, cannot change its spots.From the personal journal of Diane Alchimia-DreamerEnough teary eyes! That may be easier said then done, but you can’t just sit around being sad because, you know, a whole bunch of parents – like, all of them except Aunt Aurum who at this point won’t die even if she’s killed – are gone. At least, not forever. Time to pick up and think about the good things in life.
Because hey, life is good. People are too quick to forget that, just because it hurts sometimes.
So, good things.
Today’s my precious baby girl’s birthday, for one! We decided to throw a big party for it, though I guess it’s really too early for her to appreciate it. But I liked seeing some people – I’ve been so busy with Ferrus, Venus, and work that I haven’t had any time for meeting folks. Who knew working on becoming a rock star would be so hard? Maybe I should quit again, ha ha. Take up street music, and do graffiti. That’d be fun!
Someone thinking along the same lines as me was Stan, who basically used the party as a chance to meet women. Well, I have to admit, Marisol’s kind of cute; he could have worse taste. But if he’s going to keep things good with the girls he already has to hang with, he kind of needs to think about what’s going on; if you’re not up-front, it doesn’t matter where your heart is, because you’ll hurt people. I’ve learned that lesson.
Well, I didn’t have time to watch him check the availability of every woman who’d attend the party.
I had a daughter to get to a cake. I was going to miss having a little copper toddler around, clinging to my ankles and saying nonsense things…
But it’ll be nice to have a more independent child, too. As it stands, it’s a real struggle to get everything around the house done, you know?
And it was nice having the pretty much whole family – such as it is, smaller now, aww, man, I’m getting gloomy, aren’t I? – to sit down and have some cake.
Ferrus even managed to corner Sheila and talk art with her. It was hard to tell what, if anything, she felt about her dad’s death – it probably seemed, in this fast-paced world, a little distant, as he had always been, despite their best efforts; it’s hard finding the time, you know? I dig it.
…But I still feel a little sad, for both of them.
Meanwhile, Venus had quietly gone off to make herself scarce, get her hair and clothes in order.
“Do you need help, hon?”
”No, no. It’s all peachy-fine. I already have help.” was all she answered.
In her features, Venus largely favored her mother, I think, but more subtly – I admit, looking at her in childhood, I’d think it hard to recall much about her but her expression, of odd focus and no clear feeling, somehow serious, though not unsmiling – and her bright, vivid skin, against with anything else about her had to compete. She sometimes wondered if perhaps one day she’d go green, like a penny; people who laughed were told that being a penny is nothing to laugh about.
In her personal style, at least to begin with, Venus was eclectic and slightly anachronistic – bright colors, often not entirely smooth in their presence – wavering between red and pinks – and in the same way, she resembled in some ways an odd princess; this is a strange choice, as her own interest in fairy tales did not emerge until slightly later. Like the golden streaks in her hair, it seemed to emerge without origin – and yet, by all accounts, wholly naturally.
Sourceless, but organic, and entirely of the nature of Venus. They were also wildly inappropriate for dealing with horses, which was an interest of Venus’s. Wildly inappropriate clothing was also entirely of the nature of Venus.
I am not the only one who looks on the transformation of her youth with confusion, as records attest.So, when I came in to Venus’s room to hand off her present – it was just a baseball, but it was the one I’d had since I was a kid, so it’s, you know, sentimental – I noticed she’d applied some face paint. And at first I thought, aww, she really does take after her momma. I had always liked face paint as a child, and there’s some in my uniform now, even!
…But it was done really nicely. Like, probably better than a kid could do on her own face.
And then I thought, and then I said,
“Venus, sweetie, who did your face paints? Did your daddy do those for you?” She shook her head. “Did you do them yourself? And your braids?”
She fidgeted, and glanced away. She just sort of, I don’t know…Looked at a nondescript patch of wisteria-covered wall.
”…Maybe?” She looked back at me and back at that same spot on the wall again.
“You won’t get in trouble. I mean, I wore a lot of face-paints, too. I think it’s cool.” You know, I bet that’s sooo not helping. I hated it when my parents were OK with anything I did.
But she just shook her head.
”Yeah, but… Maybe it was me, and maybe it wasn’t?” She suggested, as if trying out how it sounded. Then she smiled, brightly and innocently.
”The difference between me and not-me is very hard to find. It’s like a misty, dew-soaked morning!” She paused and, because I had no idea what she meant, added,
” I…Um, what’s the word for something that’s sort of there, but you can’t touch it or see it? It’s an invisible matter of faith?”I felt like what I really wanted was for Ferrus to handle this. I could sense the waters here, and they were getting seriously above my head. Heck, I’d have taken Aunt Aurum’s tag-in, if she’d offered. Mom, mom, please stop being dead for a minute and help me! Just someone who knew where this conversation was going to go!
“…Abstract?” I suggest. She clapped.
”Thank you, momma! Abstract, yes! Who’s me and who isn’t is sort of abstract. I had no hand in them, but the person who did them might have been me.”That seemed to be the answer to the question as far as she was concerned, and no amount of asking changed her answer. So… I just let this one be.
Which let her talk to…Well, let me write out what she said.
”Well, I like horses, and you?... Well, because they’re the cutest and the sweetest little long-haired angels, don’t you think? They’re gentle and know something important of the world; they carry grain on their breath and thunder in their hooves. They are the vessels of great saviors, and the vestals of a wonder! …So that’s why.
…Alright, so we’ve started there. That’s good.”“Venus,” I was dreading asking, given how our last venture went. “Who are you talking to?”
She nodded.
”Yes, momma. That’s exactly what we’re trying to figure out!...It’s very hard for her.” Her face went blank and serious. She drew herself
”But we’ll understand, heedless of all trials. I will help us find the lost pieces. It’s…important, helping her.” Alright, it was time to let that be, I think. At least until someone waaay better at understanding cryptic children was on-hand.
I asked Ferrus about it, when he’d finished talking to his half-sister. Of course, he was immediately worried beyond reason – about pretty much anything on the list of topics one could worry about: Is something wrong? Is she lonely and making things up as a desperate cry for companionship and affection? Are the other kids going to pick on her? How long do you let something so very odd-sounding go on before you decide there’s a real problem, anyway? How do you tell a phase of, you know, kids being kids from a real issue? Did we do something wrong?
If we do the wrong thing here, what effect will it have on her life?Listening to all that, jostled off at Ferrus’s usual high-speed worrying, so intensely fretful that sometimes his own mouth can’t keep up, and is left repeating things until he’s got a solid word-buffer going, oddly enough made me feel much calmer. It’s something that I don’t think a lot of people, like my co-workers, get about our relationship. “How can someone so carefree be married to a guy who’s so…Not carefree?” I can hand off all my worrying to him, and know it’d been done by the world’s most fabulously handsome, class-A worrier. Then I can just focus on plowing through anything!...Because he has already thought of anything that could go wrong.
Yeah, he’s a little insecure, but he had gotten better. Also, he totally packs little love-notes into my guitar case before I go to work. And I read them and it’s like any stage in the tri-town area’s home. I’m not going to tell them much – or any – of that. I don’t have to justify myself to them, after all.
…Uh, wait. That is really not what I was talking about.
Anyway, so he worried about all of that, which let me relax a little, and get a grip on this.
“Look, it’s way too early to seriously worry, right? I mean, I got a little creeped out there… Who knows? She may have just been messing with her old lady.”
”Phh. You’ll never be an old lady… But you may be right. I’m more worried about other kids…People can be a little harsh, when they’re young…The important thing is if she’s happy,” came something like his official stance, after all the perfunctory worrying was done.
“Right. So until we start to see, like, actual troubles – we shouldn’t be worried. I just jumped the gun.”
”You were worried because you care,” he answered, his own calm restored from mine.
”I think that’s the best we can do right now.”Hmm…That may be true.
Parenting is hard. Oh, hey! Speaking of that! I nearly forgot…
There was a woman at the party that Stannum had already hit up, and had some fun times with, I’m sure, former werewolf Abrianna King.
And, well… “Parenting is Hard” is a lesson she’s going to have opportunity to learn, too, courtesy of one Stan.
Who just happened to see her as she was leaving. Now, neither of the brothers are like Aunt Aurum, intellectually – uh, that’s probably a good thing – but it’s not like Stan’s stupid, or anything. The dots connected, and the whole realization hit him like a ton of bricks.
So, I’m in the kitchen trying to take over Mom’s old photographing duties, ploughing my way through books about adjusting your focus and so on – and compared to paint, that’s kinda dull, but this is for the people I love best in the whole world, so here I am – when Stan walks in like a wind-up toy, grabs a plate from the fridge without checking, and just sort of mechanically puts it in his mouth.
He stared off into space for a few minutes, and then just sort of announced to the kitchen the fact that I just relayed:
”…I…I think I’m gonna be a dad.”“Is this about Yuna?” I asked, recalling the other night’s conversation and woman-on-porch experience.
”Yuna?!” His voice was little more than a squeak.
”…Her, too?” “Oh, uh, you didn’t know?”
He buried his head in his hands. This may be a self-made problem, but I can’t help but feel bad for how obviously shaken up he was.
”No! I…What am I going to do?”“Do you love her? Well, either her?” That’s the most important question!
”...I don’t know! What the heck is love really supposed to be, anyway?”I propped up my face with a hand and sighed.
“Well…That’s for you to find out. But if you don’t love them, then I don’t think you’re obligated to
them at all. ” Well, I think exactly how obligated he’d be to begin with would probably depend on his feelings over-all, even outside of love. But… It’s a bad idea to marry someone just because you have kids. “Well, except for helping out. It’s wrong to just leave someone hanging with a kid. I meant relationship-wise. …You’re pretty much auto-obliged to your kids, at least for a while. Even if all you wanted was a fun time, they don’t deserve to not have a dad because of that.”
Pure misery was on his golden face – no, not misery. Worry.
”…What if – I’m not ready for that sort of thing!” He pulled at his short brown hair.
”I’m not ready for anything! I’m just a dumb kid!”I looked at him, drawn and fretful and about three minutes from panic. The sheer weight of it all, suddenly crushing into his carefree world.
It wasn’t as if he’d ever really had any obligations within the family, like his brother; he’d never had to think more than a second ahead. And he’d enjoyed that until now.“Relax, ok? Relax. You can always ask Ferrus and me for help, and…” I suddenly pictured his mother, who, while not a bad mother or mother-in-law, was certainly not going to give…well, kind of personalized advice. “…Books?”
After a long time, he nodded.
”…You’re right. I mean, I’m not making any promises, or anything, but… I’ll try to do what I can.”Well, that’s all anyone can ask, I guess.
He gets to reading some of the books we have around the house – I think the best anyone can hope is that he rises to the occasion. I pointed this out to Ferrus, while he was taking a second to not sculpt, to which he said, with a distant expression (don’t tell him, but he totally sounds like his mom when he says things like this),
”I think it’s time my little brother finds out what he’s made of, inside…I…Think all any of us can hope is that we’re the right stuff, when the time arises.”Anyway, that’s where we stand. Venus, courtesy of her grandma’s potions, got to spend the night enjoying her newfound childhood.
…Beating up the air with pillows, I guess? A one-girl pillow fight, would be a better way of putting it.
My daughter’s certainly an individual!
You know, everyone says she’s not a witch… But she can can summon food in the time it takes a person to cross a room. One minute, no plate of food. Next minute, food. That’s at least some kind of magical… Isn’t it?
Speaking of some kind of magical… The night had fallen long and low over the Alchimia house. It had been a long and busy day. The ghosts were out.
And that meant, that although she’d hunted ghosts for years, Aurum finally had the one she wanted.“Jaycen...”
“…I’m right here, babe.”
For a moment, all she could do was look at him. The days already seemed so long. Eventually, she pulled out the words she was obligated, by her sense of curiosity, and her sense of duty as an alchemist, to give:“I have questions, naturally; and there are matters on which I’d like to conduct formal study…”
And then, I think, the words she’d really wanted to say, But right now…”
“But right now…”
All they really wanted was to hold one another, like holding candle-light. There was music playing. He reached out a hand.They danced as they had on their wedding night, close as ectoplasm and flesh would allow.
And watching this, learning something of the growth and tending of love in the face of immortality, though it’s difficult to say exactly what she was learning, was young Venus.
Who set about in turn to befriending the other ghost that night; a ghost wasn’t scary. It was just another far-away thing. Since Neon was an animal, though not a horse, that probably helped.
In the days to come, Aurum gave considerable weight to the state of the household. The garden was dying, slowly but surely; despite having spent some early time in it, Aurum had ultimately retreated, in a bit of prescience. The laundry was piling up, and all the house was covered in a thin layer of grime. The fridge was beginning to empty out.
Ferrus did little but work and sculpt. Diane had the weight of helping, as well as her career and her hopes of returning to social life outside the house to consider. Both of them had Venus to worry about as well. Stannum was busy with his personal affairs, but perhaps could be lured to tend to the garden.
Aurum herself was busy with studies: with considering the matter of the town’s fading original populace, with the question… The matter of Venus’s unusual lack of witchy aptitude and her otherwise unusual capacities – these would all need tending to and studying, even if she no longer managed her job.
No, they were just too short-handed… It felt to her like assistance would need to be called in, and if Aurum sensed a problem, well, Aurum was going to go to the most expedient solution, regardless of things like common sense and conventional ethics – though rarely to the point of actual harm – that were in her way. Problem, solution. The rest was an unnecessary concern.
Short-handed? Get more hands.
But who to ask, who wouldn’t be terribly disrupted, and who would not disrupt them. Someone who would not take up essential space in the long run, when the situation had improved.
Someone who would be not unwilling to live the rest of his life in this house. That was essential.
Eventually, she found a name in her contact lists. Moses Hudson, son of Ariel and Kinslee Hudson; in theory, he should have been an adult, like Sheila, since they’d have been born about the same time.
But the end result was a much older man. Victim of some unfortunate time vortex was Aurum’s guess.
He supposed it was magic, especially since both of his parents had ended up fairies. Somehow, he’d ended up older than them, which stunk of unfairness; in general, he had no truck with magic.
This wasn’t a point in his favor with Aurum, and so she decided to buckle down and consider his viability as a candidate for this scheme of hers. Because, really, what was the point of having a long-time best friend if you weren’t doing science to him?
Oddly enough, he passed her tests, and she determined he was not a threat, dislike his magical misgivings, to herself or her family. That he’d long stagnated at home, and his condition could only be improved by spending his last days in some sort of independence.
Getting a little freedom from his magically-inclined, still youthful parents? Sounded good to him. Maybe it’d give him the chance to find a little love with his life, or something. If all the rent he’d have to pay was house chores, well – that sounded just fine.
And so, a deal was struck.
Now, a little confession: I cannot find many records about this guy; at least, none my patrons give me access to. His story is not supremely pertinent to family record, except to note that it occurred, so that’s what I have. For the most part, he was a visitor in the house. He cooked meals – though he was bad at it – he did some laundry – he tended to matters… And he got on with his life. He was, by all accounts, the roommate you do not know is there most of the time.
This is infuriating to me on a lot of levels, but I’ll try and amend matters with items from the public record as I can, because even if he has little role in the story of the Alchimia family’s path to gold, he still had something. He was alive, and loved, and had dreams and desires, most of which he was likely too late to fulfill. He steamed with old resentment and new tempers, and to abandon it wholly on grounds of ‘relevance’ steams me over … But I am also bound to tell only what I can verify, or what I believe. So I apologize, to him, at least, if he makes few appearances in this account.
This was not the only solution Aurum had in mind for the house’s woes, however. As for what else she did? Well, for that, we have to understand a bit more about Venus, for on her behalf such a thing was done.
…I admit, as someone who has taken up the mantle of a historian, however ill-fitting it is on my shoulders, that I am not looking forward to this.