Once Again - DanielOnce again I find myself explaining. Once again I find myself in the wrong. Though, as far as I'm concerned, I'm not. I didn't do anything. Look at me. Do I look like a bad guy? I'm still not the Evil one, and I'm still treated like I am.
Things don't change. People don't change.
People shouldn't expect others to change for them.
I'm a man with two daughters I never wanted, in a marriage with someone I don't know, and they expect me to enjoy it.
Not that I don't want Angela and Lilith. I love them. I just never wanted children, generally, not these children specifically. Stick with me. It's not my fault.
She was pretty, and I know that's no excuse. But it's not like I get any actual companionship from my marriage. It's all “Daniel, have you seen my work coat?” “Daniel, why haven't you bothered to wash up after yourself?” “Daniel, why must you spend so much time with your sculpting station?” Because it's nicer to me than you are, and it doesn't nag.
So forgive me for wanting some warmth in life.
We went out for a walk. The sun had never shone so brightly, and we laughed. I haven't laughed with Mary Sue since the day we were married.
Possibly even the day before we were married.
I don't know why I was so drawn to her. She wasn't the prettiest girl on the island, not by a long shot. The stupid little maid's hat and the heavy, badly-applied eyeshadow did nothing for her. But there she was, and there I was, and her eyes... wow. If they're the window to her soul, then her soul is gorgeous.
This island brings out the beauty in some people, perhaps. A beauty that wouldn't be there in a more normal town.
Don't get yourselves thinking I just lust after looks, though. She was funny, and interesting, and smart. Not smart in a Mary Sue I'm-going-to-read-a-book-and-ignore-you way, but smart in an interesting way. Like knowing the history of fortune cookies and being able to hold an intelligent discussion about football. None of this "it's only a game, Daniel. Eleven over-muscled blokes knocking a ball of air around a field".
Hell, I didn't think any woman understood football the way this girl does.
Maybe it was madness. Maybe it was frustration, or anger, or just sadness. I wanted to, that's my only excuse. Why shouldn't it be an excuse? I've lived sixteen years now with someone who should only ever have been a holiday romance. She can't meet my needs, neither can this girl, but I have needs and I'm entitled to try and fulfil them. To try and remember who I am.
"What do you think you're up to? You've got a wife! I've got no desire to be some other woman! If you want me, you're going to have to get rid of her, because there's no way I'm being second best. You don't honestly think I'm that kind of woman do you?"
No, I don't. I don't think I'm that kind of man, either.
"Hey, calm down!" I said. "I'll dump her. I'll move out and be with you, if you like. Our marriage is pretty much over, anyway, I'm just staying around for the children."
"Children?! How could you do this to your children? And if you think there's any way on this earth I'm getting with a man who cheats on his wife, just to be cheated on by that man when he's bored of him, you're stupider than you look by a long way."
"I would never do this to you. She's not right for me, she's never cared about me properly. Marrying her was a mistake. I'd never cheat on someone who was right for me."
"Once a cheater, always a cheater. And consider this me handing in my notice. I'll get someone else from the agency round."
"Don't, you don't have to..."
"A man, probably. I wouldn't send any more female maids to you!"
I expect that's the last time I'll see her. I shouldn't have done that. I should have talked to her for longer first, dumped Mary Sue first perhaps.
When I arrived back home later that evening, the house was predictably full of everything going on at once. It's the one benefit of staying round here and not moving out, I guess. At least it's busy enough to be distracting. Zane was pretending to be a racing car on the sofa. He was probably louder that an real racing car.
On the other sofa was my dear wife, clearly trying her hardest to block out the zooming coming from Zane and the sounds of the twins arguing further down the house. She barely looked up from her medical journal to greet me. Another evening of being ignored while she catches up on the latest developments in the world of keyhole surgery on cat ears or something. I left her to it.
I also skirted round the twins at the kitchen table.
"But come on Angela. You know the answers and I don't, so if you help me out we'll both know them. We shared a womb so we might as well share answers."
"You don't know them because you haven't tried to work them out. Shut up and do it."
"Can't be bothered. It won't take you any extra effort to let me peep over your shoulder!"
"Just do the work."
No prizes for guessing which one takes after her mother, is there.
I'll admit to spending the next day in a bit of a grump. To tell you the truth I'd never been rejected by a girl before. All through my teens I had various casual girlfriends, not always without a bit of overlap, and Mary Sue fell head-over-heels. Wish she hadn't, I might be free now.
It was also Zane's birthday, and he was packed off for a last day of junior school. I don't know why Angela mothers him so much. He must have got the hang of the bus ride by now, else he's stupid.
Lilith, I think, was still upset that Angela wouldn't give her the answers. By the fact she spent all night messing around with Alana's garden I don't think she'd bothered to work them out herself either. That's my girl.
We had an enforced party for Zane - "just family". As far as I know I'm not related to the boy, but I like him so I went along. Lilith excepted, Seb's family are much more like my sort of person.
Even if Seb isn't as into fun anymore. Alana's old and he actually likes her, so maybe I can't blame him. It's one weekend though, and she's not on death's door yet. One weekend for a mate who's feeling down. One stupid weekend.
It's not like I'm asking him to dump her, or cheat on her, just have a few drinks with me. Okay, a lot of drinks.
Maybe he'll be more interested now Zane's a teenager. Seriously, teenagers don't want parents around. Take it from me, I have two teenagers. Maybe he'll see some sense and drop this overly responsible family man rubbish.
And if not, I don't need him to have fun. Once again, I can go it alone.