Chapter 14 - Introducing Zane
Today I grew up. It was okay. It beats having to have your big not-sister feed you.
Mummy took me to the cake. She's okay too because she's Evil like me and my Daddy, but she's old so she isn't much use. She's the Empress of Evil, and one day Daddy will take over because he's younger and more Evil. Mummy says I can't take over. I don't think that's fair at ALL. I told her so, and she said that Daddy had plans.
Well I have plans too. And now I'm grown up I can enact my plans. I like the word enact. Not-sister Lilith taught it to me. She's smart.
My first plan was a cool hairstyle. I'd never have made friends at school with the first hairstyle I had as a kid. Except not-sister Angela, because she's nice to everyone. And I don't want to be her friend, she's boring. She doesn't like doing fun things like making the shower dye Auntie Mary Sue's hair blue or seeing how many people I can get to look for me when I hide under the bed.
Second was to get awesome clothes. My favourite colour is purple, like me and Daddy and Daddy's favourite colour, but Lilith says that's a girls colour. And I don't want to be a smelly, smelly girl like Angela. So I'm going to wear lots of black too because that's a boy's colour.
Mummy says when I grow up I'll like girls. Daddy says I'd better. I don't know what he means, and Mummy's wrong because like I already said girls are smelly.
Except Mummy. Because she's my Mummy.
I love Mummy. But don't ever tell anyone else or they'll think I'm a smelly girl.
"I'm a girl. I'm not smelly. I took a bath yesterday." Lilith must've heard me when I was in the mirror-room.
"Yeah, but you're not a real girl. You're cool. I like you."
"Ewwww. You like a girl!"
"Do not!"
"Let's go play on the playpark. Last one there's a poo-face!"
See, she can't really be a girl because she has swinging competitions with me. I won. I'm just the best at swinging.
"You keep a lookout over there, and I'll watch from this side. Beware the forces of Good!"
"Aye-aye, Captain Shark!"
"We're not on a boat. We're on a spaceship battling the Good armies in the Great Space War!"
"This is my game, and we're on a boat!"
"It's my game, I suggested it, Lilith!"
"I'm older, so it's always my game."
Lilith's definitely a girl. I hate her. More than I hate Angela. I prefer playing on my own when nobody decides that we're doing something stupid like being on a boat.
I wish we didn't live with the Pleasants. Angela was trying to get me to wash up when can't she see I'm taking over the world?! Mummy might think I can't be Emperor of Evil but she hasn't seen nothing yet. Nessie's going to help me, and the first thing I'm going to do is send both Angela and Lilith to Bridgeport to get eaten by vampires. No, Moonlight Falls to get eaten by a werewolf!
And nobody will ever say they get to make the rules of the game ever ever again!
But sometimes I take a break from planning my plans and I just ride my rocking horse. He's called Beauty.
Nothing else exciting has happened round here. Except for Mary Sue having a birthday. She's not yet as old as Mummy, but I'm not allowed to say that in front of Mummy.
Mummy cries and Daddy has to go comfort her in their room. This is why I hate girls. You have to share rooms with them when you're old and be nice to them when they're sad.
Mary Sue doesn't get sad when you say she's old. She gets cross. She's scary.
