How to Get Thrown Out A House Party
I slept at the fire station that night. The duvet was scratchy, the bed was uncomfortable and I didn't feel properly clean even after I'd had a shower. And the shower took so long I was late for work. Way to make an impression on the first day.
Not that I need to be on time to make a good impression. Let's face it, I have natural talent that none of the other idiots there do. I couldn't wait to be promoted and start doing some interesting stuff with some less stupid people.
Still, my mood was improved dramatically towards the end of the shift when Alana came over to my desk and invited me to her party that evening. And told me not to bring a date. I made sure I confirmed the address and time loudly enough for the next bank of desks to hear. They needed to start getting the idea I was special sooner rather than later, after all.
But before the party, I had business to attend to. Daniel Pleasant was coming over. I needed a house, fast, because there was no way I was spending another night at the fire station. I'd invested in a sleeping bag, but I had no intention of using it if I didn't have to. I deserved a better night's sleep than either of those options would have given me, and the only way I could get that was by using somebody else's money.
I didn't go straight in with that line, however. I'm smarter than that. We chatted about the prospects of the island football team (terrible), about the best places to go for a drink (always useful to know), and what films were out at the moment (an awful rom-com, BatSim Returns, and a generic horror I had no desire to see). And only then did I bring it round to moving in.
“What do you think of my place?”
“It's... got potential, I think that's what an estate agent would say.”
“Yeah,” I replied. “That's what they said. Led me to believe it had a house on it, and everything. Still, I like it. It's a bit rough, sure, but that's exciting. I don't want to be tied down by living in somebody elses' idea of a perfect house.”
I could see the cogs in his brain going. His wife was demanding excitement. He hated the idea of being tied down. It was perfectly pitched, and I knew I'd won.
“That offer of yours to move in. Would you still have us?”
Told you.
From what he said afterwards, Mary Sue was overjoyed. Good. I might have wanted to use their money, but I didn't want them to be unhappy.
They seemed to be the opposite. Even if there wasn't actually a house. Young love.
I'd left them to it by this point, because Alana's party was far more fun than watching my new housemates. Her house was pretty swish. This is what I had to look forward to, at least. And I was definitely looking forward to it.
And a pool. Who doesn't want a pool?
She was in the kitchen when I arrived. Everyone else there was either a suited man talking politics or an immaculate woman discussing their children, and therefore not really my type of people. Obviously I went straight over to Alana and ignored the lot.
“Hey, Seb! Glad you could make it.”
“I am too.”
What kind of an idiot thing was that to say? I could have kicked myself. There I was, with all of the words in the world at my disposal, and I chose to say that. I wondered if I was losing my touch.
“Enjoying the party?” I asked. And then immediately realised how lame that was too. Pull yourself together kid, I warned myself.
“It's a political fundraiser, I'd rather watch paint dry. My dear husband wants more money for the next big campaign, so we're holding rather a lot of them at the moment.”
I wasn't really listening. I hate politics. I was falling slightly in love with Alana.
“What about you?” Her question jolted me back to reality. I had no idea what she was asking, or how long she'd been speaking for, and even where I was was a little bit hazy.
“What? Sorry.”
“No, I'm sorry, I should have offered you a drink. It's probably been a long day for you, with your first day and all.”
“Yeah, I'm just a bit tired.” I grasped the excuse with both hands. I certainly wasn't going to admit to having been marvelling over the colour of her eyes. It wasn't what I ever did.
“I invited you so I had someone interesting around to talk to,” she said. The look on her face was one I couldn't quite understand.
“I can do interesting. I brought you something, anyway. Purple's your favourite colour, right?”
“How did you know?!”
“You wear a lot of it. And it suits you. That dress is gorgeous.”
“These flowers are gorgeous!”
“Well, I try.”
“They smell divine! I've never seen any quite like this before.”
I try, and I always succeed. It was only when I was in a half-asleep, half-awake state in the fire station last night that I'd realised I needed Alana. It wasn't love at first sight, it was something entirely different and so unlike me I'd barely known how to handle it. At least my old tactics for getting a girl would serve me well. Flowers are always a hit, there's a free tip for you.
“I love purple things.”
Now if that wasn't an outright flirt, I don't know what is.
Unfortunately her kid chose that moment to show up. She might have been too young to grasp quite what was going on, if we hadn't carried on talking.
“You're purple, aren't you.” It wasn't a question.
“I am indeed. Can I take that to mean what I think it means?”
“Yes.”
“Excellent.”
And the kid had clearly run off shouting for her dad, because the next thing we know Alana's husband is in the kitchen. I could have left, but something made me decide to stay. If I had the confession of attraction, I might as well go for the next step up.
And she was the one who started it.
“Come here a second, you've got something on your nose.” It's an old ploy, but it's a good one.
“Have I?”
And then I was kissing her, right in front of her husband. I can't deny I got some enjoyment out of that, but something felt right about it. Like there was nobody else worth kissing in the whole world. I really was falling in love.
“Oh, Seb.”
Perhaps she was too.
“Excuse me?” Her husband, whose name at this point I still had no idea of, seemed to be trying to get a word in now.
We weren't really prepared to listen.
