I don't much like thinking about things that are not permanent. Well, about people that aren't permanent. I don't mean just the obvious stuff, like the fact that one day, my Eunice will go where Prince Freddie went. I try not to think about that at all.
It's not just her. It's other stuff too. Like my little grandbaby, and how soon she'll be bigger, and that sweet, squealing, mischievous toddler girl will be as vanished as this morning's mist.
The smallest comfort can come on occasion when I see the two of them together. I watch has hard as my eyes will let me and try to burn the image into my brains to last forever and ever and ever.
It's no secret that the two are attached to each other. Eunice is the first person Allegra wants when she wakes up.
I've asked her if she wouldn't rather accomplish her lifetime wish. She is nearly 94 now. She says happiness points seem so frivolous next to tickling her granddaughter.
I hear them giggling together and I can't help but agree.
Eunice is keenly aware of her impermanence. She is the one who sent Mona Lisa out all winter to save that old paparazzi lady from freezing to death. Fat lot of good it did in the end.
Grim stuck around like he usually does and played a round of pool with himself. Maybe I'd hate him a little less if he weren't so anti-social.
I want him out of the house. I don't want to think about him coming for Eunice. Or any of our other dear, mortal household members.
Mona Lisa tells me to take it easy, but death seems evil and evil isn't supposed to win. Mona Lisa says to focus on the real evils of the world, like fleas and clogged toilets, and to stop being all worked up.
So I do as she says. I fix the toilets and sinks and whatevers with my magic and I don't bring up what she DOESN'T say. Which is that they've all lost their loves, and why should I be any different at all?
And she's right. There's no need for me to poo-poo all over everyone's happy day to day life. I watch my little Allegra play blocks with Turtle Greg sometimes and it calms my worries.
For now, at least, I can reach out and cuddle with Eunice every night. And my pillows and hairbrushes and closet all smell like Eunice and she's here and solid and real and everything is OKAY. For now, Allegra is still small enough to pick up, to snuggle, to tickle. For now, everything is permanent, right?
Sometimes I go to the performance park with my son-in-law to get away from it all. I enjoy watching him perform. He's almost as attractive as Freddie when he wears that costume.
The knife tossing is awfully brave, don't you think?
I think Eureka did well. Very well indeed. And I think he did well too. They seem very happy together, and all of us old ladies enjoy watching the young man do his daily exercises.
The morning of Allegra's birthday came and I believe I'd come to terms with her getting bigger. As always, she woke and called out for Nini.
They waited patiently for us at the cake while all the old fogies in the house ambled to the kitchen.
I could see the excitement on baby Allegra's face. I could feel the pleasure coming off of my wife that she'd see her granddaughter become a child. Suddenly, I couldn't hold onto my wish to freeze time any more. This is the way the world works.
So when it came time to blow out the candles, I cheered and I even elbowed Granny until she cheered too.
I glanced at my daughter and her husband, young and strong and living in the moment and I felt really happy. Really very happy.
And I thought, maybe that's what makes those sparkles. Maybe they are made of happiness. Even the last ones. Nothing sad ever shimmered like that.
Allegra stretched and grew and was a toddler no more, but a pretty child who looked so much like those we've lost in this house. Those we've loved.
"Nini," she said to Eunice. "Will you help me pick out clothes?"
"Naturally, baby," she said, and they clasped hands and ran to the bedroom, Allegra chattering about wanting to look colorful and unique.
"I want everyone to see me and think WOW!" she said. That's our Allegra.
They've been at it for hours. Rosetta shouted, "you're going to crash if you take much longer!" but they still haven't come out. The one thing they've decided on is her hair, so I'm allowed to show that to you.
And as soon as they're done, I'll be stealing my wife away for a midnight date.
I must make the best of the time I have, before it scatters into mist, like all time does.
