Hey, Guys! Arlo's Legally Pursuable Now!A few days later, there was a strange, foreboding feeling in the land of Sunset Valley. Tension filled the air and in every breath you could almost taste dread. When one completed even the smallest of actions, they were accompanied with a sense of, “Why bother? The pain will hurt no matter what you do. It will find you. Yes. It will. And there is absolutely nothing you can possibly do to ease it.”
You see, our boy Arlo had aged up to that of a Young Adult. A not-so-dashing, but always darling, legally pursuable Young Adult.
However, Darleena only saw the impending doom as a sign of opportunity.
Darleena: “Come on, Mom! Let’s just go to Champs Les Sims! Arlo can do all that Dynasty requirement junk, and Drizzelda will never notice we’re gone!”
Agnes: “We never did paint that ceiling, did we? And the answer to your question is, ‘No.’ You know that travelling is banned until Drizzelda’s first born is a Young Adult.”
Darleena: “Please don’t bring that up. I tried to picture what their kids could possibly look like, and I swear I went blind for a minute.”
Agnes: “Don’t worry about that, Darleena. It will probably be a good while before –”
Drizzelda: “Hey, Agnes! Darleena! Look at the room I renovated for me and my Hunkalicious Hot-Lipped Honey! He’ll be over in ten minutes!”
Agnes: “Oh.
My.
Carl.”
Darleena: “Don’t think about it, brain. DON’T THINK ABOUT IT!”
Ten minutes later, as soon as she heard the tell-tale sounds of small children crying, Drizzelda ran outside to greet her sweetheart, shouting such things like, “My greatest love!” and, “Pipe down, you ankle biters! He’s the most beautiful creature in existence!”
Agnes just looked on in helpless desperation as the game immediately registered the get together as a hot, steamy date.
Fearing the worst, Agnes pulled Arlo aside.
Agnes: “Okay, Arlo, here’s the deal. Drizzelda? She’s an Immortal Dynasty Founder. You don’t have any idea what that is, but –”
Arlo: “Agnes, I know exactly what an Immortal Dynasty is. In an alternate universe, I’m even the founder of one.”
Agnes: “You’re
what?! Yeah, well, in an alternate universe, I had 26 kids and had all my husbands killed off. It doesn’t mean anything! And being a Dynasty Spouse is worse. All you do is paint and sculpt all day. You’re essentially a slave to that house. And -”
Arlo: “Agnes, I get that I’m not Christopher. In fact, that’s why I’m so confused. Drizzelda could have any guy she wants, but she waited for me. What gives?”
Agnes: “Look, I’m going to be straight with you, kid. The last time I tried to figure out Drizzelda’s thinking process, I blacked out for three days. All I know is that the whole town’s freaking out. Some people consider you some kind of a hero for taking a bullet for them, while others think you just don’t deserve this at all.”
Arlo: “Well, I don’t think it’s any of their business.”
Agnes: “You’re right, it’s not. But this is definitely one of those neighbourhoods where everyone thinks it is, considering all the Dynasties that are set up here. And this one is really against what the town’s used to, so they’re going to be watching you like a hawk.”
Arlo: “Agnes, I understand your concerns, but I’ve made my decision and I really don’t care about the rest of the town. I’m gonna go catch up with Drizzelda now.”
And so he ran off to play in the sprinklers, as Agnes looked on, troubled.
During all of this, Drizzelda was in the middle of making a quick phone call to the Diner.
Drizzelda: “Yeah, Emma? I’m afraid I can’t come in to work today. I’ve come down with a crazy case of the love bug for my Snuggle Bun Arlo.”
Emma Hatch: “
Wait, WHAT?! Are you NUTS?! Drizzelda, do NOT hang up this phone! Do you hear me? DRIZZEL- ” *
CLICK! Rrrrrrrrrrr*
Now free of distractions, Drizzelda turned her full attention to the young man frolicking through Darleena’s lettuce garden.
Drizzelda: “I like your pirate costume. I’m dressed as a cook from Hogan’s. If I knew that this was going to be a costume date sooner, I would have come up with something better.”
Arlo: “Thanks, Drizzelda. It’s not really a costume date though. What happened is that when I aged up, Lisa’s blouse didn’t fit me anymore, so Ethan lent me his Halloween costume from a few years ago to wear as a swimsuit.”
Drizzelda: “But I
like costume dates.”
Arlo: “Then a costume date it is!”
Drizzelda: “
Squee! Here, I got some flowers for you!”
Arlo: “EEEAAAUGH! ROSES KILLED MY GRANDMOTHER!”
Drizzelda: “Really?! Oh, I’m so sorry, hunbun!”
Arlo: “It’s okay, sweetie, you didn’t know. Roses, though, I just can’t trust them. You never know when they’ll strike next.”
Drizzelda: “
GASP! I feel the same way about goats! Oh, come here, you!”
I find the assortment of ways that Arlo conveys emotion through his face to be quite amusing.
The rest of the afternoon was a most pleasant one, especially after the members of Drizzelda’s carpool gave up the vain hope of ever coaxing Drizzelda away from the ugly, blond man and eventually drove off, weeping for humanity. Drizzelda couldn’t have cared less about the carpool, or Emma, or even her own employment for that matter. All she could see that day was Arlo. Unloved and unwanted no more.
And somewhere during a romantic conversation involving Wolverine, Legend of Zelda, and German ABBA covers, she let him know it.
However, after the spontaneous smooch, Drizzelda was overcome with emotion and her eyes welled up with tears.
Arlo: “Oh, no! What’s wrong, Zelly?”
Drizzelda: “*sniff* I just can’t understand how someone as w-wonderful as you c-can ever fall for s-someone has h-homely as m-me. *sob* And the spikes on my bracelets are scratching my f-face!”
Arlo: “What?! No, you’ve got it all backwards! I’m the homely one here, not you! Heck, I was about to ask you the same thing.”
Drizzelda: “W-what are you t-talking about? You’re adorable!”
Arlo: “Well, so are you! Forget about anyone who’s told you otherwise! Forget them all to heck! To me, you’re the most amazing, beautiful woman on Earth! I love you, Drizzelda, and there’s nothing that’s gonna change that!”
Drizzelda: “Oh, Arlo! I love you, too.”
Arlo: “Then what the heck are we even worried about?!”
And at that, Arlo brought her into his embrace and kissed her deeply.
All traces of doubt now gone from her mind, Drizzelda knew what she had to do. But since she suddenly found herself very flustered and meek, she let her hands do the talking. Literally.
Drizzelda’s Left Hand: “
Ahem. Arlo Bunch, would you please maybe consider doing the most super-duper awesome thing Drizzelda can imagine outside of taking out revenge on the goats, and please marry her?”
Despite Arlo’s bold declaration of love, the proposal still surprised him. Maybe he didn’t expect it so soon, or maybe he still couldn’t believe that anyone would actually propose to him. What say you, Arlo? What reasons do you give for your utter surprise?
Arlo: “Meep.”
Yeah, that sounds about right.
He said, “Yes,” of course. How could he have not? After all the years of teasing and mockery, he’s finally found someone who thought of him with love and admiration. Sure, Drizzelda was a little strange, but her heart was cast of gold, and that’s all that our boy Arlo wanted and needed.
I guess it was a good day after all, screaming, panicking townsfolk be darned.
