My head is blank, and I don't know who I am, what I am. It's a wall of darkness, I open up my eyes slowly. And gasp, Bridgeport lays before me. It looks fake, the buildings, towers. The cars, are toy cars.
I'm floating through the air, lighter then a feather. I summersault through the air, as if I'm swimming. Without the worry of oxygen and going to deep. I flip round and round, and I'm a child again. As if I turned back the clock of age with my turns.
I laugh gleefully, in my favorite night gown. Stretching my arms out, and letting the wind ruffle the hem and the sleeves. I giggle like a child on christmas morning when she sees all her grifts underneath the tree.
I turn my head to see the fog rolling over the mountains. I breathe in the cool air, which taste fresh up here, unlike the polluted, stuffy air down on the streets.
I feel a tug, a slight tug. I follow it, and the tug grows stronger. I let it take me, it pulls me down, closer and closer. And I start to fall, the air cuts around me. My gown blowing up like a big bubble. I stop, inches from the sand, a scream caught it my throat. I slowly rise, and turn, and gently place my feet on the ground. I recognize the beach from the weekend outing with my parents in the summer. I sit down in the sand, and start to make a castle. My young self begging me too.
I build the sandcastle, till sand is in my hair, and covers my nightgown. I stand up, brushing myself off. And I hear a sharp breath from behind me.
I was so caught up, I missed the lady in the chair. I slowly walk towards her, the pull stronger with each inch closer. As i walk, I feel my legs grow, and my arms get longer. My hair falls around my face, and the nightgown changes into a robe.
I leave the child in me behind as I walk. I stand behind her, waiting for her to notice me.
"Are you death?" I blurt out. She laughs lightly. "No child, I am not, but I am very close to it." "I'm not a child!" I say. "If you say." she gets up and walks, slowly into the water. She beckons for me to join her. I walk across the cool sand, and into the water. It's freezing, it chills my feet. Soon, my teeth are chattering. And I shiver.
She stops, a few feet off of shore. She doesn't seem to notice the coldness of the water, the shiver in the air. "Listen, Child, you need to wake up." I shake my head. "Why? Here, I can do what I please. I don't want to."
She points at me, "WAKE UP!" She screams. "WHY? BEcause your family is back there, there in life, worried sick about you. You can't leave them yet, not when they all need you. So stop being a selfish brat and wake up!"
I clench my fist, trying to keep control. Voice enter my head, and zoom around. "Please, Lucy, please wake up!" "Lucy, Lucy! I need you, sissy, please wake up!" "Honey! Wake up, please." "i love you, Lucy, I don't want to lose you. Please wake up." "Please way up!" I pinch the bridge of my nose, it was over whelming, I couldn't find my way in a sea of madness.
The blue lady remains emotionless. She simply points to the water, and disappears. I scream as the voice become louder, shattering all the thoughts in my head. Breaking apart me apart. Suddenly, it stops. All at once.
"Hello." A young voice says. I look, and to see me. A younger version of me. She smiles. "Hello, Me. You/me must wake up, your/our family is worried." "Who are you?" I asks, blinking to make sure I'm seeing right. "I am your younger side. The part of you that holds onto your child hood. I understand how confusing this is, as if clouds are over you. When you wake up, it will be worse, much worse. But remember that there is always a sun behind those clouds."
I repeat what she says. "You must embrace your child. And then dive into the sea." She says, closing her eyes. I pull her close,
She gets warmer and warmer, till she's almost too hot to hold. And then she's gone. I wipe a tear from my eyes, two now one. I take a shuddering breath before walking towards the water.
It claws up my ankles, coldness climbing up my legs. I take one more deep breath before diving.
The cold water is painful, it drags me down, deeper and deeper. Images fly across my mind:
My blue bedroom, bathed in light. Holding Eliza when I was little. Riding the subway with my friends. Walking across the bridge. Playing in the ocean. Spending the summer at my Grandma's house. Felix. My heart aches for him, and I need to go back. I close my eyes, the darkness taking me. I fall back, onto something plush. And try to move, but I can't. I blink a few times, as my vision swims into focus. "Lucy!" And it falls back out.
Hope you liked the update and please feel free to tell me what you think.
