My eyes slide open, and my chess fells warm. I feel somewhat warmer then I did yesterday. "He always makes me smile.." I thought to myself with a smile dancing on my lips. That's how the day started, it went rolling down hill from there. Mostly because all day, I was reminded of my father. It started when I went to grab my jeans and tree shirt. A little slip of paper fluttered and fell to the ground. I bent over to get it, and wished I hadn't.
It's the one picture of me and my mom together. The last picture my dad took. It's the only thing that I want to get rid of. My arm is looped around my mother's neck and she kneeling down so we're the same height. She smiles the smile, that when I was younger made me smile and laugh and just fill with joy. My, her eyes shine, the eyes of seven year old me, the shine that shows pure glee, on my innocent seven year old face. Oh how much she has changed since then. "I'm not the same person." I tell myself sternly. Oh, but how much I wish I was. I wish I could go back, and be that innocent seven year old. But I can't, I was her, I am no longer. The picture may remind me of the happiness of then, but it brings all the pain of now. It brings back the pain of my father.
And suddenly, I'm no longer in my room, I'm the seven year old I was. The one who couldn't reach the cookie jar without the dining room chair. The one who needed help brushing her teeth and choosing her clothes. But it was
that Sunday. The day I wished had never happened. My mother and father were fighting, I thought nothing of it. Of course I didn't, I was only seven, I wish I had. Instead, I ran outside and played in the tree house all day, pretending that their yells were the roars of a dragon. I almost had my self fooled,
almost. But dragons don't yell, "I hate you!" or "I'm leaving! Your keeping her." I pretend 'her' wasn't me. Mom called me for dinner, then stormed into the bathroom and locked the door. I ate dinner alone, I had no idea where my father was. I got myself ready for bed. Then fell asleep, from the events of the day. But it feels like I just went to sleep when I wake up again. To the soft tone of the door bell. I slide my feet out of bed, the cold floor stings my bare feet. But I drag them anyways. I slowly creep up the stairs. My mother's door is thrown ajar, and I see her at the front door. I stand behind the part of the wall where they can't see me but I can see them. "Are you Mrs.Finnly?" A gruff voice asked. I shrunk into the wall, the voice scared me. "Yes, why?" my mother asked timidly. She had her bath robe on, it swayed at her ankles, like me her feet were bare. "Your husband, Dean Finnly, is dead."
"What?!" My mother cried. "How?" The officer, I later learned, voice became softer. "He was driving and most likely did not see the 'bridge closed.' sign, he drove off of it. It was too late by the time we four him." "Oh," is all that escapes my mother's mouth. I slide to the floor, and pull my knees up to me and rock silently back and forth. "You can come by City Hall tomorrow to straighten out his will, but we understand if you need more time." My mother nods, a goodnight is exchanged and my mother shuts the door. *Click* She puts her head against the door and supports herself against to and starts to cry. I had never seen my mother cry till that day, after that it became a routine for me to see her cry.
Then I hear her shuffle across the floor, "Hailey?" She says gently. I look up at her, she's blurry because of the tears lining my eyes. "How much did you hear?" When I don't answer her, she know I heard all of it. "Hailey..." She picks me up pin her arms and squeezes me tight. "Sweetheart," She says gently in my ear. "I'm sorry, so sorry. I won't leave you she promised, never, ever, ever."
But she did in a way leave me. She didn't physically, but mentally she was as good as gone. She seemed more forget full, I couldn't trust that she did things anymore. I was the one, at only eight, who woke up earlier then I should have to make my lunch and breakfast, because my mother could not handle it. Somedays I thought the slightest breeze would knock her over, and I would be left all alone. But on others, she was strong and so full of life, it seemed like nothing had ever changed. But of course, everything had.
Suddenly I'm jolted out of the dream state I was in, why? I don't know. I get dress fast and shove the picture in the drawer. I leave the room, Kayla darts in front of me, and I shrink into the wall to avoid being ran over. "Were going swimming," She says, still walking. "Wanna come?" I can't say I have to be somewhere because there is no where to go, so I go with safest idea that pops in my head. "Maybe later," Then I walk past her and go down the stairs, she shrugs and follows me, but goes towards the pool instead of the kitchen.
I see him the minute I walk into the room. His the only one in the room, the rest are in the pool. He's reading, and he still looks perfect. I try to walk without tripping, for once, but fail. My face turns beet red as he looks up. "Hi!" I squeak. Last night feels like it was so many years ago. "Hello." he says a lot calmer. I walk to the fridge and grab a plate of pancakes that Sophie made. I stuff them in my mouth before walking out to talk with him. I sit down next to him and look down at my hands, which are lacing together. "Thanks for last night." "It was nothing," I see the faintest blush on his cheeks, and I can't believe it. As far as anyone knows Warren has never been embarrassed, not once. "Warren," as I say it, I can't help but notice how easy it is to say. How it rolls and how it sounds. "It really meant a lot, especially coming from you. I...uh...That came out wrong." I hide my face with my hands in embarrassment. He laughs, a light, beautiful thing. My new favorite sound. "I get it." "At least someone gets it! I'm not sure even I get it." I said laughing. Which makes him laugh, and we both laugh. It felt good to laugh, and I felt that airy feeling coming back.
Yet again, it was short lived.. Kayla comes out of the indoor pool. She's not laughing, the laughter stops. "Aren't you going to join us?" She asks. "Um...Uh" I feel my heart start to race, I glance at Warren. He knows the look I give him, it's desperation. It's written clearly on my face. I haven't been swimming since my father's death, I don't feel like swimming for who knows how long. Warren knows what to say. "Actually," he says as if he was going to say this all along. "Hailey wanted to show me an idea for a sketch, so if you'll excuse us." He gets up and I follow his lead. I take his hand, smile pleasantly at Kayla and lead him upstairs.
At the landing he brings me to the couch, "Why are you are you afraid to swim?" he asks, gently but sounding curious. "Because," I start, "Because," just breathe, I tell myself, you can trust Warren. "My dad died drowning, he drove his car right off the bridge." Warren does't try and say 'I'm sorry for your lost.' because he knows that it won't help me, it will only make me feel worse. He just takes my hand in his and doesn't say anything, just something that I can barely hear, but it makes me smile.
-The picture
From: Hailey Finnly Logged:10:30 P.M.
I didn't realize how long it was! So sorry! But hope you liked the update! next up is Warren!
