DAY 162 (Neil) I tried talking to this pretty girl, but she shooed me away.
DAY 163 (Neil) My new strategy: lie like crazy. I lied to her, told her I'm famous because I'm on this TV show "The Bachelor". It works, she believe me and show up for my birthday party. She even moved in with me.
Uh-oh. Mama told her the truth, I'm busted. Clarissa is angry, very angry. Even after I told her I am going to be a famous astronaut, she's still angry.
DAY 164 (Neil) New strategy: bribe. I told Clarissa I may not be famous, but I am fabulously wealthy. It works.
I promised her $100,000 if she gives me a baby boy, and $200,000 if she gives me a baby girl. She didn't waste time, got pregnant as soon as possible.
DAY 165 (Neil) Caught Clarissa stealing today, unbelievable. She stole great grandmama's paintings and sold them, fulfilling her own fabulously wealthy aspiration.
I made her use her points to buy potion of youth, and told her she couldn't have any of the potion as a punishment for stealing.
DAY 167 (Neil) Boy or girl? Let's see how much I have to pay Clarissa.
It's a Girl! I gave Clarissa $200,000 and also let her name the child. Clarissa hopes her child will be famous one day, as famous as the chef Julia Child.