Wicked, I live with the results of Guillain Barre (viral infection of the nervous system), a ruptured disk, sciatica and bilateral carpal tunnel. I'm allergic to opiates, which means no pain meds for me an a life in constant pain. 10 years ago I lost my 6 year old brother, almost lost my then 4 yr old and 19 month old kids and we lost every item we owned in a house fire. To make matters worse my four year old set it and I found out my now ex-husband was strung out and having an affair. I dealt with years of depression, anxiety and pain. I've been down a road of obstacles and come a long ways away, it will get better but it takes time, work and you have to want it with every cell in you body.
I have had to make concessions, realizing I can't drive anymore, I can't be as active as I would like, my butt is not going to be a size 6 again (not vanity, the doctors keep reminding me I'm over weight, I should be 120lbs), and I have limitations. Coming to terms with my limits was the hardest part, as my body deteriorates there are things I simply cannot do no matter what my mind is capable of and that there is nothing the doctors can do for me.
I turned 35 yesterday, my life is the best it has ever been. I am loved beyond measure, by someone that loves me for who I am and is there for me no matter what. He cooked me a beautiful French dinner to celebrate, and my daughter (now 12) wrote me a song it was great. I am in college getting the degree I always wanted, and I work full time for a civil engineering firm. I am fulfilled and happy.
I don't generally chime in, or pour out my brief on web boards, but your circumstances rung very familiar, and I remember how isolated and alone that pain can make you feel. I very sincerely wish you all my best and hope you find your light. -T