The Honeyheart Short Dynasty

[Beks]

Okay but is Nicola related to them somehow? I don't know how you can stand the rapid pet deaths but it makes you stronger than I.

Nicola is probably distantly related in some way, but the family trees are so crazy now that it's impossible to figure out how anymore. Especially the families with vampires and fairies––some townies have had dozens of children over the centuries, so the aging is all weird and overlappy. It's truly insane.

In some ways I'm glad that the pets live such short lives, because there isn't really enough time for me to get too deeply attached to them. Unless they're unbearably adorable like Cinnamon. Then I just repress my grief as much as possible, and buy another pet, and watch them die too, and repress my grief again. I'm fine, I swear! I'm fine...

[Beks]

Chapter 43 – Going For Gold

No, don’t worry, we’re not going for a repeat of Alfie’s untimely death. We’re NOT, okay? We’re just not.

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No, gold in this case refers to Shawn’s new hair color. Haha!

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Darling, derpy Cinnamon makes her first visit to the Honeyhearts as a ghost. This wagon wheel loveseat thing is a favorite haunt (heh) of many of the family ghost pets.

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Oh hey, something fun has happened behind the scenes of the Honeyheart Short Dynasty. You may have noticed already, but I’ve installed University Life! It comes with a lot of surprises, such as wardrobes that you can woohoo in. Shawn and Cricket have a lot of fun with that one.

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I couldn’t figure out why I took this picture for the longest time. Cricket’s obviously feeling sad, but why? Is he still mourning one of the many pet deaths? Then I noticed that Cricket’s butt is on fire. Ohhhh.

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Yes, Cricket still lights himself on fire at least once a day. Even so, he somehow explodes his way to level 10 of the inventing skill, earning himself a point for the dynasty.

Finch is a teenager now, and as such, it’s time to find him a spouse. Last chapter, it looked like Nicola was a top contender, but as it turns out, we don’t have any more Potent Cure Elixirs in the house, and it could take days to get someone’s alchemy up enough to make another one. I spent about 1.5 days checking the store, but no luck there. Nicola the Laser-Eyed Vampire is out of the running.

Fortunately, there is exactly one other option in town. One other young female human whom Finch could marry. We saw her briefly when she was a toddler. Now, it’s time for Finch to pay her a visit.

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Finch flies his broom across town to the Van Gould household. When he gets to the front porch, a bright purple man walks out, screaming in a neurotic frenzy. Um, okay?

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The purple man is followed by this terrifying orange-eyed creature in a flaming shirt and a supervillain mask.

Finch: “What. The. Actual. Dickens.”

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Yeah, I’m wondering that too, Finch. (Sidenote: Finch's face in these photos was so perfect that I laughed for about five hours.) Poor Finch is so traumatized by the parade of freaky weirdos that he decides to leave without even saying hello to the girl his own age. Luckily, the girl his own age says hello to him anyway. Or rather, she shouts it across the yard.

Meredith: “Hey, you! Get back here! You didn’t even say hi!”

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Meredith: “Come on, scaredy-cat, come inside. My family’s nice, mostly! I promise they’re not as weird as they look.”
Finch (thinking): Gosh, she’s adorable. Dang it! I think I love her! Crap!

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To top everything off, Meredith has a scarily wide-eyed cat who seems just as traumatized by the Van Gould family as Finch.

Cat: Visitors to this house, BEWARE!

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Finch comes into the house and starts getting to know Meredith. And flirting with her. Yeah, that starts happening right away.

Finch: “You know, you’re way more normal than the rest of your family.”
Meredith: “Tee-hee! You’re so sweet, Finch.”
Cat: *scratch scratch scratch scratch*

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Ahhh, University Life. My new favorite expansion pack. In a very short amount of time, Finch is overcome with infatuation and sweeps Meredith up in a heat-of-the-moment kiss. It’s so romantic I can’t even handle it!

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Meredith: “Ohh, Finch! Mmmm-nnnnmmmm-mmmm…”
Cat: *SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH*

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The intimacy between Finch and Meredith develops faster than I ever knew was possible. A couple hours into his visit, Finch feels perfectly comfortable walking in on Meredith while she’s using the bathroom. I mean, they might as well move in together right now!

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It’s there, right in front of the toilet, that Finch asks Meredith to be his girl. And it’s there, right in front of the toilet that she just peed in, that Meredith says yes.

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Later, as he’s walking past a hot pink blue-winged fairy and a vampire evil scientist on his way out the door, Finch breathes a sigh of contentment. He knows he made the right choice. Even if his new girlfriend’s family is the most bonkers conglomeration of weird beings the world has ever seen.

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With Finch’s future spouse secured, things calm down a little bit––as much as they can, anyway. Clay is finishing up his toddler days (well, day, basically), all matchy-matchy with the other members of his family.

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He ages up on his own that night.

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Clay––who was already Good and Absent-Minded––picks up what seems to be the new Honeyheart family trait. Yep, he’s Mean-Spirited. I am fine with this. Not mad at all.

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His Mean-Spiritedness doesn’t show itself yet, though. Clay spends all his spare time marching around the house dressed as a prince. He appears to be more of the knight-in-shining-armor type at this point. Let’s hope that continues.

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Okay, that was short-lived.

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And now, I’d like to introduce you all to a new member of the family. Meet Sheba, a Loyal, Independent beauty of a dog that Finch adopts from the local shelter. Sheba just became an adult, so hopefully she’ll be around for a bit longer than other pets in the past. Also, she’s the only Honeyheart pet right now (aside from Clay’s pet bird), so she gets to be the star of the show for a little while.

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Sheba and Finch become best friends in record time. I feel better having a dog around again, and I am firmly in denial that we will ever have to lose her. So DON’T SAY ANYTHING, PEOPLE.

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Finch starts training her to hunt right away. The family funds have actually been dwindling over the years, since nobody has time to, like, go to work or anything. I’m hoping that having a hunting dog in the family will help get our funds back up to a comfortable place again.

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Next time, we’ll find out what Shawn is giggling at. Just kidding, we’ll never know what she saw through that telescope. Let your imaginations run wild, friends.

[Trident]

Sheba is GORGEOUS! Good luck, Finch; Meredith seems like a wild 'un. (Who agrees to go out in front of the toilet they just used?......)

[Beks]

Sheba is GORGEOUS! Good luck, Finch; Meredith seems like a wild 'un. (Who agrees to go out in front of the toilet they just used?......)

Isn't Sheba the most beautiful dog?! I love her. Meredith is definitely proving to be a wild 'un. Finch thanks you for the good luck!

[Chubling]

Sheba is a perfect baby! Who shall live forever and ever!

[Trip]

Sheba has taken my heart too! Even when listing my favorite dogs that I personally know, there are a lot of spotted ones. At least you still have the watcher's freedom to dress mean lil Clay like an absolute dork.