Chapter The First: Haha remember that one time I broke up a marriage?So, an Immortal Dynasty. The challenge to end all challenges. One of the hardest tasks for a simmer to accomplish. And here I am, one person- Sim- with limited resources and very bad time management skills. I'm honestly not sure I'm going to pull this off, but there's no other way.
Having no idea where to start, I arbitrarily decided to pursue the Painter Extraordinaire aspiration. It's not too far off from what I do in the real world, and the challenges that come with being an artist should be both easy and familiar to me. What artist isn't used to spending all day on a piece and having forgotten to eat? Or doing the potty dance because "I'll go as soon as I finish this part" for several hours?
And with that decided, an easel popped into existence next to me. Not only was that convenient, it gave me a little sense of home.
I was beginning to wonder how I was going to get stuff without a store.But alas, an easel does not a Dynasty make. ("If only!" she cried to the Watchers above.) I needed something more. Y'see, I'm really not so good at things that aren't playing the Sims. I just don't have the time to max Cooking and Gourmet Cooking and max a Career and make friends and fish and and...The honey-do list of tasks is long, and I don't think I can do it on my own. I need to bring in someone else to Chateau Empty Lot and convince them to help me as soon as possible.
Now, I think if I handle Gardening and make it one of my max skills, I can probably manage that. I think I can also get lucky enough to catch an Angelfish, or have my helper fish in-between other things. I
don't think I can do Cooking and Gourmet Cooking. If I had selected a cooking related aspiration or career- maybe. But I didn't, so now I have to deal with the cards I've dealt myself. I needed a chef.
And. uh. Well. It's not the most morally correct thing I've done, but he's the only chef I know! I'm sure there are better, more skilled chefs than Bob Pancakes but I went into this whole endeavor woefully unprepared. As a die-hard TS3 player, I am unfortunately unfamiliar with a lot of the TS4 townies and their skill sets.
So Bob Pancakes it is.
Don't give me that look.
It's not like their marriage is a happy one, anyway.
Eliza, if you could stop looking so happy and oblivious to the horrible thing that's about to happen, it would really help me justify my bad decision making. Thanks.
I found Bob in his Den of Sad (I'm assuming the bedrooms are his and hers), playing what looked to be a Tetris Knockoff. He looked less depressed than usual, which made him easier to chat up. I decided to leave the whole Immortality thing out of the conversation and instead focused on taking an interest in his gaming habits and subtly bringing up his failing relationship to Eliza here and there. I was surprised how quickly our friendship was growing, even though most of our conversation consisted of How is Your Day, Get To Know, Tell Story. (Remember that one time I was an awful, no good very bad Homewrecker?) Then I remember that this is the Sims, relationships are built in an instant.
"Hey Bob, what do you think about moving in to my lot for a little bit? I'll help you clean up, get back on your feet a little. Get some fresh air, away from...things."
"Uh." Bob paused, then broke out into a grin I've seen other Sims display a hundred times. "Sure!"
He pulled me into a great big, fluffy hug. He was surprisingly warm for someone who's world is so cold. As I hugged him back, it occurred to me that I could kill two birds with one big home-wrecking ball. I needed a helper, yes, but at some point down the line I also need a spouse.
Maker forgive me, I'm going to marry Bob Pancakes.
Just as he began to pull out of our friendly embrace, I whispered in his ear.
"By the way, I need you to divorce your wife."
"What?!"
It was such a curious thing to watch. Despite him seeming like he very much did not want to do this, Bob dutifully trudged downstairs to confront Eliza. I think somehow I've retained some control over other Sims. They still do my bidding, even if I'm not clicking a mouse to have them do it. Not only was this interesting, it was going to be a massive help to my attempts at this whole living forever thing. Now I don't have to worry about getting Bob to cook. I can just order him to do it with my weird mind powers!
(I'm so grateful this was also not an I'm Surrounded By Idiots challenge).
The argument was swift, but even quick cuts can still go deep. Some of the things said I don't think I can repeat, and not just because I don't think there's a Simlish translation. It hurt even me to see, the totally innocent bystander who had no part in this. Eliza seemed to have been done for some time, but I always believed she loved him and that things could be happy.
I guess, with the game, nothing is really set in stone. Even though Bob is now depressed
for two whole days geeze man get it together, at the end of the day this is just one save. Perhaps in another time and place Eliza and Bob
are getting their happily ever after.
But that day is clearly not today right folks haha let's steal her man and head back to Casa De Nothingness!
It was clear when we got back that Bob had less than complete and total confidence in me. I thought I could cheer him up a bit by making good on one of my promises- to clean him up and make him look a little bit more put together. We didn't have many funds, but I wished a dresser into existence so I could fix him up.
Wah-Bam!
So much better, right?
The second order of business was our Not!House. An empty lot doesn't scream 'Inviting' or 'Homey' or 'Sanity'. To convince Bob that I hadn't ruined his life, I kind of had to give him somewhere to live it first. Now, it needs to be known that I am not a builder. I know a lot of people say that but then they totally are and it's almost even worse because they're like "Here's the Mona Lisa I made! Man I really can't draw haha"
but I really can't build. So we're just going to have to make do.
Rainbow!
Sophisticated!
Sub-par levels of comfort!
It has everything we need! Well, mostly. Eventually I'll fix the whole missing toilet thing. Kind of need one of those. Also a shower. And maybe wallpaper and windows. But until then, we have a sturdy foundation and I like it just fine. One day I'll build the museum under the house as well, but that's far off and not really a necessity in the immediate.
Ah yes, with Bob and his cripplingly sadness at the stove:
And me and my dwindling sanity at my easel:
Things are starting to feel like home.
