I *sort of* fixed the problem. I found out using Twallen's DebugEnabler I could just give the sims their college degrees that they already worked so hard for but the game didn't want to give them. It appeared they could have stayed in college for all eternity!! While I have had sims in Uni before this just fine this is the first time I had more than 1 sim attend at the same time (4) so maybe from now on i'll just do one at a time..
anyway using DebugEnabler I gave them their degrees and then had them "drop out" to go home. It is a legacy so I didn't want to cheat but is it cheating when you only do it because it's something the game was supposed to do but wouldn't itself? I don't really think so because it was supposed to happen anyway and they worked hard but the game just *pulls out hair*. So yea, Twallen's mods came to the rescue again.