"Daddy!" Morgan cried.
"What's wrong princess?" He asked.
"My house is broken!"
"Oh no, let's go see what we can do!"
He ended up being able to fix it, which was wonderful because she loved that doll house. I was actually the one making dinner tonight, it wouldn't be as good as it would be if Rhett was making it but it would do. I hadn't been feeling well all week and it was strange and off putting but I did what I always did and pushed through it. I went to grab a bowl off the top shelf, but when I took it down I lost all feeling in my arm and the bowl shattered to the ground. I gasped and jumped away from the shards of glass and grabbed my arm, I could still feel it but I felt very weak. A feeling I haven't felt in a very long time.
"What happened?!" Rhett asked rushing in.
"I dropped the bowl..." I said.
"That's fine, I'll clean it up." He said.
"I dropped it."
"It's fine."
"No, I dropped it. I dropped the bowl because I felt weak."
He stopped what he was doing to look at me, my brain was going a thousand miles a minute as I thought about what was happening. He stood up and walked over to me and put his hands on my arms.
"Rhett, something is wrong." I said looking at him.
"You just aren't feeling well."
"No. I am telling you that this isn't normal."
So I called my normal doctor and I set up an appointment for the next day.
...
I took a deep breath and looked around the room.
Rhett was sitting in the chair to my right and we were waiting for the doctor to come back into his office with the results. I had a bad feeling, and if I told Rhett he would just tell me that I was over reacting and worrying about nothing. But I knew my body and I knew the symptoms, even if it was a while ago. I shook my leg as the door opened and closed from behind us. Dr. Scott sat down in his chair and scooted closer to the desk. He opened my file and glanced at it before folding his hands and looking directly at me. I could tell what he was going to say before he even thought it himself.
"It's back." I said before him.
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, "It's back."
I closed my eyes and tilted my head to the ceiling as Rhett reached for my hand.
"I knew it, I just had this feeling. I had been feeling bad for a week but I told myself that it was just a form of the flu."
"I think we caught it early this time, and with some treatments I think that we can beat it again."
"How many more times though? How many times do we have to do this before it stops coming back?"
"You know what I am going to say Rebecca. There is always a chance it'll come back, but at least we caught it early this time. You know your body and you did right by coming here and listening to it."
I looked at Rhett who offered me a small smile of support.
"I have children now." I cried.
"The good news is that it doesn't appear to be spreading." Dr. Scott said.
"That's good baby." Rhett agreed.
We went over the course of treatment and how often we would do it before going home. I wanted nothing more then to hug my babies tightly. But by the time that we arrived home though Sam was already at school and the sitter had put Morgan down from her nap. I went into her room and gave her a kiss on the forehead.
"This doesn't feel real." I said later that night.
We were laying in bed and I was crying. It was back, and I never thought we would ever have to deal with it again.
"I know it is scary, but this time you have me and we will beat it together." Rhett told me.
"I love you."
"I love you too."
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.
...
I went full swing into work.
It was my way of dealing with the news. We have started the first treatment and now we were just waiting for the next treatment. I would have to do as many as Dr. Scott felt was needed and he would test me regularly. I hadn't received anymore nasty comments, in fact it actually worked in my favor because people lashed out at the person. I had gotten so many letters and emails telling me how much people loved my channel and loved me as a person. It filled my heart with love and hope for the future. I made the decision to come clean to the community and talked about my past experience with cancer. I also told them that it was back because I was not going to lie to them. I asked them to respect my space and privacy as I dealt with this and hoped that they would understand.
Rhett has been amazing with all of it. I told him that I didn't want to be babied or coddled through it because I could still do things on my own. I did need him a little more on the treatment days because it took a lot of my energy, but other then that I was fine. I didn't want to be pitied or looked down on because I was going through this. I was going to be strong and fight it.
"How was work?" I asked.
"It was okay." Rhett told me.
"I missed you."
"I did too, how was your work?"
"Slow, but I got through it."
He smiled and pulled me into a kiss.
"Mama! Mama!"
Morgan was crying at the door to the studio.
"Morgan, let mama work!" Rhett whispered, trying to be quiet.
"Mama!!"
I took my headphones off and stood up.
"Let her in Rhett." I said.
"Are you sure?" He asked.
"Yes."
The door opened producing a running toddler through it, Rhett closed the door behind her and I scooped her in my arms.
"What is wrong baby girl?" I asked.
"I missed you!" She said.
"I missed you too!"
I spun her around in the air and she ended up on my back causing her to make the most beautiful laugh I have ever heard. I could listen to her laughing all day long and it would never get old. I loved her so much and I was blessed to have her and Sam.
I was going to fight this.
And I was going to win.
Uh oh....