Chapter 28 [ You are not allowed to view attachments ]
One day, while fumbling with the controls on the toilet, Vincent discovered this feature: FlushAway Psych. In its metallic monotone, the machine began talking:
"Your mind has waste products just like your body. The FlushAway Psych (abbreviated to FL.A.P. or FLAP) can assist in removing mental and emotional toxins. Just tell it about your problems, and you'll feel better in no time. Why spend hours writing in a journal when you can talk to FLAP? Note: FLAP is not authorized to prescribe medication, and should not be used as a substitute for serious psychotherapy.*
To begin the program, answer the following question: What seems to be troubling you?""Well, my mother died recently."
FLAP:
"Tell me about your mother.""I always felt that she saw me as her little boy," said Vincent. "She treated my brother Sam like an adult -- I guess because he had to be more responsible while Dad was off in the army. And then when Sam was ready to move out, Dad came back. But even though I didn't have to be the man of the house like Sam did, Mom was always telling me about stuff that Sam would do when he was my age, stuff I didn't have to do because Dad was around. And I got so I tuned her out most of the time."
FLAP:
"I see."Vincent couldn't think of anything more to say, so he was silent for a minute.
FLAP:
"Flush the toilet when you've finished your session."
Vincent flushed the toilet, and was surprised at how much better he felt.
After that, Vincent found himself activating FLAP more often.
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He talked to FLAP about how lucky he was to have Octavius in his life, and how he wasn't afraid of him, even if he was a vampire, because he knew Octavius would never hurt him.
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He talked to FLAP about becoming a parent. "Sheila's a darling, but she's a lot of hard work," Vincent said.
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"I wish I didn't have to scold her so much. I think she likes Octavius better than me, but somebody has to see to it that she's potty-trained and that she learns not to make messes. I just wish I weren't the bad guy all the time."
FLAP:
"You feel like you're the bad guy all the time." [ You are not allowed to view attachments ]
"That's right," said Vincent, "especially when she just sits and sulks and then starts crying. I don't know what to do."
FLAP:
"I see." [ You are not allowed to view attachments ]
"I guess I could try doing something fun with her," said Vincent. "Maybe playing instead of scolding. Less clean-up afterwards, too."
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One evening Vincent stumbled into the bathroom sobbing.
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"I've been walking all over San Myshuno in the snow, trying to figure out where I went wrong," said Vincent. "Octavius..."
FLAP:
"Tell me about Octavius." [ You are not allowed to view attachments ]
"I proposed to him this morning, and he turned me down. I never in a million years expected that response. He told me my timing was terrible."
FLAP:
"Your timing was terrible.""Actually, my timing was terrible," said Vincent. "He had to go to work in an hour. But he looked so gorgeous in his tux -- and I was in my jeans and this sweater. Maybe I should have changed into something more formal, too, huh? And maybe not propose next to the garbage can?"
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The next time Vincent proposed, he did it with a bit more style. "Sheila is my witness that I'll do everything I can to make you the happiest man and vampire on the planet. And you can make me the second happiest by saying yes."
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With Winterfest so close, they decided to have a simple ceremony. The only place with an indoor arch was the church that Jodi had belonged to.
Vincent didn't know how his mother would have felt about his marrying another man, but he was pretty sure that she'd be pleased he'd held the ceremony in a church. His father and Bethany both came, along with Sheila. Octavius's sister Valerie had been invited, but she didn't come. She wanted to give them "space" to develop their relationship with Sheila, she said.
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And then the holidays were upon them, with Winterfest cards arriving in the mail.
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Vincent and Octavius sang carols as they decorated the tree while Sheila watched.
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They opened the presents that were under the tree, and Vincent finally became Sheila's good friend by giving her a present himself.
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And then Father Winter showed up and ruined the day by giving Vincent one of his presents for "bad" people.
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"Okay, so I'm a criminal," Vincent told FLAP, "but that doesn't mean I'm a bad person. It's just a job, that's all. It's not who I am."
FLAP:
"Who are you?" [ You are not allowed to view attachments ]
"I'm a good father and husband," said Vincent. "And I'm the person Big Bugsy trusted to run the organization in the Fashion District of San Myshuno. Because, let's face it, I'm the only one who looks good enough in this suit for the job. And if Father Winter disapproves, then that's his problem, not mine."
Vincent flushed the toilet. And that was the end of that, he thought.
*FLAP is based on an early interactive computer program of the 1980's, called ELIZA.
Vincent's therapy continues in
Chapter 38.
