THE AUSTEN IMMORTALS
The Dangers of Travel Brochures
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It was a dim, damp, gloomy day in Windenburg, and I was in the library, trying to find something interesting to read. I was browsing in the section devoted to Victorian essayists - Carlyle, John Stuart Mill, those guys -- when I noticed something colorful lying on the table.
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COME TO SELVADORADA!
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Come visit our sunlit gardens!
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Our friendly citizens!
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Our romantic waterfalls!
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Our scenic vistas!
"Ah, if only I could," I murmured sadly. "It all looks wonderful."
"There is a way," a voice said behind me.
I looked over my right shoulder, then my left, but didn't see anyone.
"I'm a Watcher," said the voice.
"Which one?" I asked.
"I don't think that's relevant," she said.
"Well, I hope you're not one of those watchers who drops a dynasty in the middle when she goofs up or gets tired of her family."
The Watcher coughed. "It's not always easy finding the right narrator," she said. "But you -- being related to one of the greatest writers in history should count for something."
"I'm not a descendant," I warned her.
"But you come from the same gene pool. And you're named after one of her most endearing heroines, Elinor Dashwood. I think you'll do just fine."
"I haven't agreed yet," I said. "There are some conditions."
"Indeed?"
"No pollinators," I said. "And I don't want to marry someone who is noncommital, no matter how handsome his offspring will be."
"So no Don Lothario or J. Huntington," she said. "I can agree to that."
"And no helpers," I added. "I'd rather not work some poor elderly gardener or fisherman to his death, and I certainly don't want any painting slaves."
"That was mostly the 3.0 version," muttered the Watcher.
"And I want to illustrate the story on my own -- no cute photos that you've taken yourself."
"I might have to take some screenshots," said the Watcher. "You're not going to take your own wedding pictures, are you?"
"Some," I conceded, "but I get final say on what goes in."
"Good enough," said the Watcher.
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The next thing I knew, I was in Selvadorada.
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In front of me was a thicket of brambles that I had to hack my way through. Luckily, I had a machete. Apparently it came with the villa that I'd rented.
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The sign at the trailhead warned of many dangers, so I decided not to venture too far before nightfall.
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I only had time to visit the waterfall, but it was even more spectacular than the brochure had shown.
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Later that night I found out why the lease was so reasonable. Plasma bats descended from the ceiling as soon as I turned on the light.
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I was outside and excavating early the next morning. I was so engrossed in my first site that I didn't even realize a snake had slithered past me until I saw Watcher's picture. I do hope it wasn't poisonous.
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Watcher also had to get this shot of me luring the bees away from myself with a Guzmania pollenis flower ($25 at the marketplace and worth every simoleon).
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It was late afternoon when I found the Royal Baths. Nobody else was around, so I went skinny-dipping, which helped me clean off a little. What with the heat, humidity, and having to wear long sleeves and stockings to protect against bugs, I was more than a little sweaty.
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The scenery there was amazing, so atmospheric.
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Through another doorway covered in brambles, I found a fishing spot. Not much treasure, and a crocodile (or alligator) was lurking in the water, so I didn't linger long.
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And finally I came to the ancient Omiscan temple.
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Inside, I made the acquaintance of a playful skeleton named Patella. From her pose, I'd guess she was something of a flirt when she was fully fleshed.
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There were several entrances that were difficult to pass...
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...until you figured out how to remove their barriers.
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I ended my stay in Selvadorada by giving thanks to Madre Cosecha, the Mother of the Harvest. And to the Watcher of course. ("No need to thank me," said the Watcher. "There's a foot of snow on the ground where I live, and it's been a vacation for me, too.")
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Before long, I was back at home in Brindleton Bay, ready to get to work on completing 1 career, 2 aspirations (I made some headway on Archaeology Scholar), and 3 skills, acquiring 4 rewards, throwing 5 parties, making 6 good friends, completing 7 emotional whims, and putting 8 items in a collection.
Until next time, Elinor
