Top Secret: The Spiffendale *Unofficial* Immortal Dynasty [COMPLETE]

[FrancescaFiori]

@Tilia Actually, no, though I know I made it seem that way. She's an insane, bookworm, dance machine. I like her more all the time. As for the tombstones, I only have them because they actually died on my lot. It was all luck. I really miss that about Sims 3, when someone you liked died, you could just trundle off to the mausoleum and steal their tombstone and make them hang out with you for eternity. Then again, I probably have too many ghosts as it is.

Chapter 35:  The Party Don't Stop



Arianna:  Well, here we go.



Morris:  Tada!



Mallory:  And then there were three!

Arianna:  This is fun! It’s our secret little ambrosia club!



Arianna:  No cell phones at the table, dear.

Morris:  But my followers will want to see the nice sear I got on this.

Mallory:  Will they, though? Really?



Arianna:  Well, it does smell good. I still think Bob’s was a bit glowier, though.

Morris:  That’s cold, Mom. For real.

Arianna:  A little constructive criticism never hurt anybody.

Mallory:  *sigh* I never had any of Bob’s.



Arianna: So, should we conduct this like a business meeting? Anybody have anything they’d like to discuss?

Morris:  I’m a little concerned about Catherine’s hallucinations. She’s probably harmless, though, right?

Mallory:  It’s weird that Lucien doesn’t like her, but she’s sweet to Wendell, and at least she’s not boring. I feel boredom is going to be our biggest challenge from here on out.

Arianna:  Agreed.



Arianna:  Okay, meeting adjourned. See you all back here in a couple of weeks.



Layla:  And she was all, “Whatever,” and I was like-

Dimitri:  Ummm, am I the only one who just saw an old man appear out of nowhere?



Morris:  Whoa! Is that what it looks like when we teleport?  That is some wacky stuff!



Wendell:  Bob Pancakes! You sly old dog! What have you been up to, my man?

Bob:  Hey, Wendell! That’s a mighty fine jaw you’ve got there, young man! It’s like looking in a mirror! Team Pancakes all the way!



Wendell:  He’s a maniac maaaaiac in a suuuuit!



Wendell:  Hey, little kicker! Give Daddy some jazz hands! Jazz hands!



Catherine:  Ugh. Why did I let him teach her jazz hands? So uncomfortable.

Mallory:  Oooh! The Fyres place is swanky!

Wendell:  Cake? Can I interest anyone in some cake? Let’s get this going early, folks, it’s going to be a long day.



Wendell:  Well, this is an inauspicious beginning.

Betty:  Maybe you should have chosen a place with more bathrooms.

Catherine:  Gotta pee! Gotta pee now! Watcher, can you scope out any secret bush locations or anything? The situation is getting desperate.

Watcher:  On it!

Lucien: So many strangers! And she’s one of them!



Arianna:  Whew! Barely pulled that one off! Okay now for some spooky fun!

Mallory:  Grandma, how are you holding that costume up?  Your . . . body integrity is just . . . unreal.

Arianna:  Thank you, dear. It’s probably the yoga, and let me say you make a mighty fine zombie schoolgirl for an elder.



Wendell:  Okay, SuperWendell. Classic battle of Good vs. Evil. It all comes down to this pumpkin.

Darth Dimitri:  I think I’m just going to go with a barfing pumpkin. It’s a crowd-pleaser.



Wendell:  And . . . .go!

Dimitri:  Oh, it is ON!



Lucien:  Sorry, Madame Founder. It’s for the good of the party.

Arianna:  It’s okay, Lucien dear. It’s just karmic payback for all those tranquilizing handshakes. I can take it!



Wendell:  I don’t know what happened. My blueprints were foolproof and then . . . this.



Morris:  Don’t take it to heart, son. Dimitri didn’t get to be a handyman without fixing a few sinks. He’s simply more skilled than you are.

Arianna:  Barfing pumpkin. *chuckles* Hilarious. What will they think of next?

Dimitri:  Hey! Can I get a little congratulations over here? A little acknowledgement please?



Samara:  I’ll congratulate you, dear!

Dimitri:  Now that’s more like it!



Kristen:  So what’s going on here?  What happened to Handymen Anonymous?

Layla:  It’s still around, but Dimitri got kicked out when he aged up and he decided it wasn’t worth it to try and figure out how to get back in and take over again since we’re all preggers already.

Kristen:  So what is this club now?

Corina:  It’s called “Nice Dimit Ya!” and the only activity is listening to music.

Kristen:  *shrugs* Well, it’s not the weirdest club I’ve ever been in.



Watcher:  What’s that?  Krav Maga?

Catherine:  I’m not speaking to you.

Watcher:  Well, there’s a switch.

Catherine:  I’ve been doing some more reading on that forum of yours and I know you called me, “meh.” I am far from meh. I am the polar opposite of meh.

Watcher:  Well, I know that now but I gotta say, as a teen you were no standout.

Catherine:  I’m sorry? You’re doubling down on your meh?

Watcher:  I stand by it, yes.

Catherine:  Well, what do you have to say about this?



Watcher:  That’s . . . .personal!  Okay, we’re going to need to set some boundaries. You are not allowed to poke around in my screenshots anymore, and I am strictly limiting your access to the forums!



Catherine:  Hang on! Whoa. I don’t think that’s the strawberries. I have to go take care of something, but Watcher, this conversation is not over!

[Tilia]

Haha, WHO is that eyepatch man! Good lord, that got me. I burst out laughing. And might I say, Mallory's legs look very fine indeed for an elder lady in her formal wear.

[FrancescaFiori]

@Tilia That's the legendary Eduardo, dressed up as a member of the Mori family Dancers. I made him as a thank you to the marvelous @oshizu but needed to find a place to sneak him in here because . . . well, for obvious reasons.

Chapter 36:  Llamaman's Greatest Fear



Catherine:  Okay, one more of these dang strawberries for the road.



Catherine:  Grampa Don! It’s so good to see you! Want to check out my ultrasound pictures?

Don:  Dang. The Pancakes Chin is evident even in utero. Crazytown.



Wendell:  Whoa! Holysmokeswhatisthat?!?!?! Oh, phew! It’s just me. Sometimes I am so handsome I startle myself.



Catherine:  Good superhero-ing, dear. Very comforting.

Doctor:  Heh heh. New Dads.



Wendell:  Okay, look. We both know we’re not supposed to be in here right now. I’ll scratch your back and you scratch mine, okay?

Ghost Nurse(Possibly Zoe Patel):  You got it, Llama Man. This conversation never happened.



Doctor:  So you might feel a slight pinch . . . .

Catherine:  Watcher, is he just an idiot or what’s going on here?

Watcher:  Hang in there, honey. It will be over before you know it. Someday I’ll tell you how we give birth where I’m from. That’ll really curl your toes.



Wendell:  Ah, yes. Another victory for Llama Man! Cool and collected as usual.

Ghost Nurse Patel:  I know I said I wouldn't say anything, but this is particularly brazen.



Catherine:  Welcome to the world, little Pernille. You can meet your Dad later. He’s busy posing stoically right now.



Wendell:  I’m so proud of you, baby! You’re the real superhero.

Catherine:  Thanks, Llama Man. Does that mean we can trade outfits? Mine is not flattering. And there’s a draft.



Mallory:  She’s a nooboo! Yes she is! She’s just a widdle nooboo! That’s right! Oh, I forgot how much fun these little nuggets are!



Morris:  Not bad for a first effort. I think you could have been a little more adventurous with your cheese selection, but you’ve got a very nice brown on the crust.

Betty:  You do realize I only asked to join Upper Crusts so we could hang out more, right? I don’t really want to learn to cook.

Morris:   . . . Yeah, next time more gouda, I think.

Betty:  *sigh*



Morris:  Now, Adrienne! This is a really risky choice. I love your sense of adventure, but next time make sure you’ve got a nice even melt all the way through.

Adrienne Patel:  Yes, Chef Morris.



Mallory:  Nooboo, nooboo, little baby nooboo. Nooboo, nooboo, oops it’s time for work!



Corina:  Really? You really need to fix that right this second?

Dimitri:  We need pop music, dear. Ol’ Dimitri’s not going to live forever and I’m not leaving you for the next pollinator to deal with.

Corina:  What’s that supposed to mean?

Dimitri:  Nothing, angel. Just give me a sec and you’ll have my undivided attention.



Morris:  This is nice. Just two old married people hanging out. Good idea, honey.

Betty:  I’m glad you think so, dear. I knew you’d come around.

Morris:  Next I think we should try baking.

Betty:  *sigh*



Betty:  Or we could do this instead!

Morris:  Ah, yes! I see your point!



Arianna:  Lookin’ good there, sweetie.

Mallory:  Thanks. I’m concentrating really hard.

Arianna:  I guess I shouldn’t mention that giant BEAR SNEAKING UP BEHIND YOU!

Mallory:  You are one mean old lady.



Lucien:  Yes! Everything’s coming up Lucien!

Arianna:  Once. You beat me at darts once. Don’t expect it to happen again, either.

Lucien:  Winning at life!



Wendell:  Uh-huh. At last, an axe worthy of my awesomeness. You just keep smokin’, my beauty.



Arianna:  I know it’s tradition to have the baby in my room but sometimes . . .



Lucien:  Yup. Elder is officially my favorite life stage.



Catherine:  Oooh. Fancy phone case. This is new. Did you send this down from heaven, Watcher?

Watcher:  Well, I realize that dazzling shaft of light makes it seem that way, but the short answer is no.

Catherine:  What’s the long answer?

Watcher:  You know what? It’s also no. The only answer is no.

Catherine:  Ugh. You’re no fun.



Catherine:  Ummm . . .what are you doing in the weight room? And why are you wearing that fancy red smoking jacket?

Wendell:  Got promoted. Want to celebrate . . . if you know what I mean.



Catherine:  Okay, but I’m watching you.

Wendell:  Fine with me, baby. You are smoking hot when you’re skeptical.

Catherine: sotto vocce Watcher, if I'm not back in two hours . . .

Watcher: I'll right-click on your face. Don't worry about it, honey, you are not going anywhere without me knowing about it. I promise.

[Joria]

Woke up with a headache and feeling kinda blue since my company has all gone to various not close places.  Opened up the forum and caught up with your story and now wish I had gone to the jon first.  "Gotta pee, gotta pee!"  OMG!  Laughing so hard.  Love the new Watcher dialog and everything else you've written.  You brighten my day.

[oshizu]

I've been away from the Sims for a bit (the 10 kids really burned me out...what can I say?) and just caught up with your fabulous Spiffendales.
How in earth do you get Eduardo to stand that way? It's one of the simverse's seven miracles, I believe--that chest out with shoulders and butt back pose! Hahaha

Catherine and the Watcher--how funny that she's the only one who feels the need to communicate with the Watcher.
Wendell is his usual hilarious self--is the LlamaMan his new obsession?
Lol, Dimitri just has to fix the radio in the sauna. I notice that he's been more successful with the ladies recently--I guess just being himself (without worrying about Don and Eduardo) works best for him!

Also love that the Ambrosia Room requires teleporting.

[FrancescaFiori]

Whew! Okay! I took a few days off. I'd like to blame my houseguest, but the honest truth is that I've been cheating on The Sims with Stardew Valley. It took me a year to get engaged (to Sebastian. So brooding! I love him!). A year! Wild. Anyway . . . back on the horse.

@Joria Thank you! I'm so glad I could cheer you up a bit! I'm a bit sad that my company is gone as well, though I'm trying to enjoy the peace as we'll have an influx of grandparents in a couple of weeks for my little one's birthday.

@oshizu Glad to have you back! I can't blame you for wanting a rest after 10 kids, though. Phew! I think that particular pose is a result of having Eduardo be flirty when he was photographed. I got him feeling all romantic and did several different sessions. That one was my favorite.
I'm glad you like the Catherine and Watcher business. I enjoy playing sims with the insane trait, but I wasn't really sure how to handle it for the story and I decided to go in this direction. I'm thinking maybe it's not so much that she's insane, but moreso that she can hear things other people can't, so they assume she's crazy. Something like that. Anyway, I'm having fun putting myself in the story briefly.

Chapter 37:  Party Season



Wendell:  Did you hear that?

Morris:  What?

Wendell:  Ding! The baby’s done! Time for a metamorphosis.

Morris:  Oh, cool. Be careful with those. They’re not all good.

Wendell:  Noted.



Catherine:  So . . .what do you think?  8 out of 10? She’s a pretty good baby.

Wendell:  I give her a solid 9. I’m only deducting half a point for the crying and half for the smelliness. She’s got the cuteness part down pat.

Catherine:  Yeah, babyhood is at least 90% cuteness.



Catherine:  Okay, sweetie. Happy birthday! Your Dad and I are off to work. There’s food in the fridge if you get hungry and you can probably find a grandparent to help you with your homework. No Voidcritters until you’ve maxed at least two skills.

Pernille:  Oh, I see. It’s going to be that kind of childhood.



Wendell:  Ah. Delicious and classy . . . and look! There’s shrimp cocktail, too!



Catherine:  Huh. Slightly awkward party transition.

Morris:  Hey! Who says a cookout can’t be a black tie affair?



Watcher:  OMG! Catherine! CATHERINE! Quick! Who is that devastatingly handsome party crasher walking down the stairs?



Catherine:  Huh?  I don’t know. I’m trying to figure out how to roast hot dogs without setting my cocktail dress on fire. Ask someone else.

Watcher:  I can’t ask anyone else, remember? And just look at him! He’s perfect! He’s got wrinkles, too, so he won’t even take up a space in the house for too long. I MUST HAVE HIM!

Catherine:  Wow. I had no idea you were so passionate about the pollinating thing. You know . . .Dimitri’s not dead yet.

Watcher:  The key word being “yet.”

Catherine:  You’re giving me chills.

Watcher:  Sit closer to the fire, then, and find out that guy’s name!



Pernille:  Pay attention to line, color and perspective. A little glitter goes a long way. Complementary colors and. . . there! A perfect drawing. Appropriately whimsical, yet refined.



Dimitri:  So . . .um, do you like bunnies or kitties or anything?

Pernille:  I like intelligent conversation, but I see I’m not going to get any of that here.

Dimitri:  You know your socks don’t match.

Pernille:  It’s appropriately whimsical. It was a conscious choice.



Pernille:  Really, Grampa, I’ll probably get this done faster if you don’t help.

Lucien:  Now, now. Let your old Grampa have his moment.



Dennis Kim:  Aha! I win again! Dennis Kim remains undefeated! My record stands, and that fact that no one will play with me anymore makes no difference. I am still the champion.



Pernille:  What’s that, Mrs. Pringlefeather? You want me to go on the computer and write the story of your disastrous first marriage and subsequent saucy adventures as a single woman on the high seas? Why, I’d be delighted!



Wendell:  Mmmmhmmm. And that’s how you max a career, fools. Consider the mic dropped.



Wendell:  I said legato, darn it, and I meant legato!

Pernille:  Your harsh constructive criticism only makes my ardor for learning burn brighter.



Mallory:  That’s lovely dear, I just *a-choo* need to nap for a bit before I can begin your critique.

Pernille:  As you wish, Grandma.



Wendell:  Okay, now that’s a little too legato.

Pernille:  Criticism absorbed and mistake corrected. Young mind flourishing.



Mallory:  Sooo . . . any questions?

Pernille:  No thank you. I think I have mastered pointillism quite thoroughly.

Mallory:  ‘Kay, then.



Pernille:  Good evening, Grandfather.

Eduardo:  Well, you’re a serious little thing, aren’t you?

Pernille:  I have little choice, given the chaos of my surroundings. There is a serious task to be completed here, and my mentors are by and large frivolous, though lovable, time-wasters.

Eduardo:  You kids say the cutest things. Do you want to see a cool trick?

Pernille:  Not really, no. Although if you have any typing tips to share, I’d be very happy to hear those.



Eduardo:  AAAAAnd . . . BOO!

Pernille:  Horrors!



Eduardo:  Aw, man. I crack myself up.

Pernille:  You’re foolish like the rest of them, Grandfather, but I am fond of you. I admire your ability to keep yourself entertained. Truly there is something to be learned from everyone.



Wendell:  Yup. Me again. Listen, let’s just keep the rotation going. Whatever’s next on the list, and keep them coming!



Corina:  They really did not take pregnancy into consideration when creating this costume.

Corina's Brother:  I am not saying a word.



Kristen:  Ugh. I am never coming to another one of your costume parties. The hot dog jokes just don’t stop.

Wendell:  Wait, I’ve just got, like, fifteen more. It’ll only take a second.



Morris:  Hey, dear. Why aren’t you enjoying the party?

Actual Maid:  Oh. Um. I’m not just dressed as a maid. I’m the actual maid.

Morris:  Oh. I hope you don’t find the maid costumes offensive or anything.

Actual Maid:  Oh, no. I’m fine. I’m here to do a job and the fact that my profession is fetishized for the entertainment of my extremely wealthy employers does not trouble me.

Mallory:  Gotta pee, but gotta eat cake. Gotta pee really bad, but gotta eat cake for party goals. Oh, this is a problem.



Mallory:  So, we’ll just keep this between us, yeah?

Actual Maid:  Of course, Ma’am.

Mallory:  You are a phenomenally good maid.

Actual Maid:  Yes. Yes, I am.

[Joria]

Step aside darling Eduardo, my new favorite character is the whimsical yet oh so brilliant Pernille!  What a total crack up.  And then put together with Grandfather Eduardo.  Priceless.  Once again with a smile thanks to you humor.

[Caterina]

I agree with Joria.  I love the way you are writing Pernille.  Who was that handsome man?  Did you get his number?

[oshizu]

It's fabulous how each star of their generation assumes a personality all their own. Pernille is a gorgeous little precocious thing.
Haha, the pregnant hot dog! Did I also notice a pregnant Assassin Creed as well (or is that the Reaper costume?)

P.S. I also wed Sebastian, lol. And I fully expect you to join me when multiplay coop mode arrives next year.

[FrancescaFiori]

@Joria Yay! So glad you like Pernille. She's really fun to write!

@Caterina Thank you! I like her, too. As for the mysterious stranger . . . well, you haven't seen the last of him.

@oshizu Thank you! I do try to make them distinct, although Pernille's facial expressions pretty much do the storytelling for me. I do think she's pretty, too. She pulls off her Dad's nose quite elegantly!
And, oh yes! Hooray for Sebastian and hooray for multiplay! I am so in!

Chapter 38:  Death and Whimsy



Lucien:  Must be nice to get to cater all of these events. You never have to wear a costume like the rest of us.

Morris:  I don’t know, man. I’m pretty jealous of that hat right about now.



Morris:  And a little pause between parties for some homework time.

Pernille:  It should be a very brief pause, indeed. I’m utterly dominating my homework these days.

Arianna:  I’m sorry I can’t be of more help. I can’t hear a thing through this helmet.



Pernille:  It’s not smugness if you really are exceptional.



Pernille:  *sigh* Meck chate. I had really hoped venturing out to the park would yield more challenging chess partners.

Ariel (formerly Friendly Maid):  Wait, how does the horse-y piece go again?

One of Many Unfortunate-Looking Haas Brothers:  Aw man. I hope she doesn’t pick me to play next. That kid is brutal.

Other Haas Brother:  I’m standing back here so no one can see how unfortunate-looking I am.



Wendell:  Okay, just a quick pick-me-up and I’ll call in the next party.

Arianna:  Dimitri, stop it! You’re yelling at the fire again! You know how we feel about elder stereotypes around here.

Dimitri:  But, just look at it! Burning there with its stupid fire face! Acting like it owns the place! You get off my lawn, fire pit!

Arianna:  And he’s done.



Dimitri:  Um, excuse me?  I don’t think she meant literally done. I don’t need to go right now, do I?

Chi Behr:  Whoa. Bummer, dude.



Lucien:  Um, bro? Look I realize I’m not really in a good position to be arguing with you right now, but this is kind of a major party foul.

Grim:  Well maybe you’ll think about that next time and invite me.

Lucien:  Oooohhh! Gotcha.



Wendell:  Well, looking at the bright side, having this happen during a party means he’s surrounded by his family.



Catherine:  Watcher?  What’s going on? This is terrifying. Is this . . . mortality?

Watcher:  Who is it? I can’t see. Is it Dimitri? I didn’t think he was due yet.

Catherine:  I think I’m having an existential crisis.

Watcher:  Ugh. Lucien! Move! I can’t see who it is! Catherine, get him to move!

Catherine:  It’s just . . . all so fleeting. Is there any point to it all?

Watcher:  That sound you hear is me banging my head on my desk.

Catherine:  Are you sure it’s not the clammy hand of death knocking on the door? Knocking, knocking . . . for all of us.

Watcher:  Yes, but for whom specifically right now? Gah! This is going to drive me crazy.



Wendell:  Good night sweet Pollinator. Thank you for not ruining my party!



Pernille:  Yes! I can feel myself glowing with power! Just imagine all of the achievements I’m about to overachieve!

Jasmine Holiday:  Kid, I don’t like your attitude . . .



Jasmine Holiday:   . . . I LOVE IT!

Wendell:  Okay, okay, stand aside. Daddy still hasn’t maxed guitar and I need a little glow-y power, too.



Mallory:  Okay, painting that made me even more depressed. This is ridiculous.



Pernille:  Hmmm . . .

Morris:  Having a little trouble figuring out your move, sweetie?

Pernille:  Nah. I’m just trying to decide if I want to crush you mercilessly . . .



Pernille:  Or crush you with finesse!

Morris:  Oh! I like the finesse. I’ve been thoroughly crushed, but it was almost pleasant. Hats off to you, Chess Master.

Pernille:  Oh, yeah. Finesse feels good!



J:  Nah, it’s not so bad. I mean, sure, you only get to see your family at random times, and you end up drinking a lot of cold, stale coffee, and after awhile people get so used to you that it’s not even special when you pop out of the netherworld for a visit, but, you know . . . it’s an existence.

Lucien:  That was in no way comforting.



J:  Really, Mallory, it’s not so bad. I was just telling your husband-

Wendell:  Zip it, Grampa J. I’m actually trying to make some progress here. Deep breaths, Mom. It’s okay. Nobody was even that fond of Dimitri and his spirit will live on in his pretty respectable 21 children. Hey! I’ve got an idea! Let’s all cheer up with a little Storytime with Wendell!



Pernille:  Do the voices! Do the voices! Oh, man. He does the best voices.

Mallory:  Wow, honey. You really have a gift. You make us all feel like little kids . . . even Pernille!

J:  Just wait until he gets to the part where Pooh gets stuck up in the air holding the balloon. Classic!

Wendell:  Okay, one more chapter, and then Pernille needs to practice being whimsical with her toys so she doesn’t alienate the other children at school.



Pernille:  I don’t know. I just don’t see the appeal here. “Neigh, Neigh.” and then what? I hope I’m not expected to make that snorting noise and gallop around the room, because that is not happening.



Wendell:  Do you ever think maybe you’re too precocious?

Pernille:  What’s that, Mr. Horse? You think perhaps my serious nature is a natural reaction to growing up in a household that is essentially one giant, constant, throbbing rave? How insightful! I’d have to agree, but I do want to once again point out my appropriately whimsical socks, indicating the presence of some childlike attributes that perhaps just need to be gently drawn out.

Wendell:  Wow. Did Mr. Horse really say all that?

Pernille:  No. He said “neigh, neigh.”  He’s a horse.

Wendell:  Okay, so Winnie the Pooh again, yeah?

Pernille:  Yes. If Mr. Horse has no objection.



Wendell:  Oh! Grandma Liz! I’m glad you’re here! There’s this song I learned when I finished my aspiration, but I’ve never actually played it before. Listen closely and tell me what you think.

Eliza:  Oh, it’s very nice, honey. It kind of reminds me of-zzzzzzzZZZZzzzzz



Wendell:  OH! Oops. Well, at least I know what it does, now. Thanks, Grandma!



Pernille:  HaHA! Best friends! Who’s stiff and socially awkward now?

BFF:  Umm, I kind of think this means we both are. But yay for finding each other!

RIP Dimitri Hagan. It was a rough road, but you made it in the end. Here's hoping the netherworld has lots of ice cream!

[Joria]

Only you could make me roar with laughter over a Sim death~~!  O!M!G!  The Watcher asking him to move over so she can see!  And then top it all off with darling Pernille and "Neigh, neigh, he's a horse".  Hubby thought I had lost it I was laughing so hard.  Please, please don't ever stop writing stories.

[oshizu]

Pernille is such a wonderful blend of Wendell and Catherine, with Catherine exerting some feminine moderation on the Pancake jaw and Lucien nose. Pernille is perfect.
Pernille is so wraught with ennui and precocity already--how the heck will she last through her teenage years? Lol
And how will she ever meet a man who can match her brilliance and sarcasm?

Awww, we will miss you Dmitri! Don and Eduardo were hard acts to follow, but you finally learned to just be your dorky self, hehe. A legacy of 21 children? Not bad at all!!!
Another fantastic update!

[FrancescaFiori]

@Joria No plans to stop anytime soon! I'm having too much fun. Thank you so much!

@oshizu Indeed, Pernille is perfect, just ask her! Thank you! The teenage years may be a bit of a struggle. I cannot wait to reveal the answer to the question about finding a man to match her brilliance! It's awesome and I still can't believe how lucky I got! But first . . . a different sort of luck . . .

Chapter 39:  Ullal be Sorry



Catherine:  Watcher, check it out. This is my impersonation of a cat!

Watcher:  That’s such a funny word, “impersonate.” I mean, can you im-“person”-ate a cat? Is that, like, a possibility?

Catherine:  Um, yes. I’m doing it right now, and I’m doing an awesome job, watch! Meeeeooooow!

Watcher:  Hold that thought! Okay, I have a real job for you.

Catherine:  Really?  Oh, man! I’m excited! Is it an important one?

Watcher:  Actually, yes. I need you to go save Pernille’s new friend’s life.

Catherine:  I am so ready for this.



Lucien:  She did it! It wasn’t me! I swear!

Catherine:  Lucien! Stop blubbering and start singing Eye of the Tiger!

Lucien:  . . .

Catherine:  NOW!



Lucien:  Ummmm . . . risin’ up! Back on the stre-ets! Something guts something glory!



Catherine:  LOUDER!

Lucien:  WENT THE DISTANCE NOW I’M BACK ON MY FEET, JUST A MAN AND HIS WILL TO SURVIIIIIIVE!

Genevieve Goth: Oh, my science!

Catherine:  It’s okay, now, honey. You’re safe.

Genevieve:  Thank you, mysterious stranger!

Catherine:  I’m Pernille’s Mom.

Genevieve:  Oooooh!

Lucien:  IT’S THE EYE OF THE TIGER IT’S THE THRILL OF THE FIGHT! RISIN UP TO THE CHALLENGE OF OUR RIVAL!

Catherine:  Okay, you can stop now. I saved the day.

Watcher:  *slow clap*

Catherine:  Shhhhh. I know.



Pernille:  Hey! Whimsy! I totally get it now! This is incredible! I’m experiencing pure, childlike joy!

Wendell:  Rrraaaarrrr! Okay, kiddo. It's late and I'm getting sleepy. I'm just going to go read my Book of Life . . . actually, you know what? I think I'm going to go to bed for once. My career is maxed, my aspirations are practically finished, and I can't dig up anything else until the rocks respawn. I think I'm actually going to relax!



Wendell:  Ahhh. This is nice. My first night’s sleep since I was a baby. This is great. Sleeping! Who knew?



Pernille:  Wow. This is so much more efficient than that whimsy nonsense. Thank goodness for technology.



Wendell:  Okay, okay. Bladder needs kicking in. Yes, I’m doing the peepee walk in my voidcritter pj pants, but am I still smooth? Yes, I am.



Lucien:  All right. One more. But if you ask me to write any more Books of Life after this I’m just going to die out of spite.



Wendell:  This would probably be more romantic if my nose weren’t buried completely in your eye.

Catherine:  Nah. Let’s get even closer. I love you so much I want to be literally melted into you like two globs of wax.

Wendell:  Okay. Not more making out by the fire.



Watcher:  GASP!

Catherine:  Did you just speak the word, “Gasp?”

Watcher:  It was for emphasis! It’s him! Go get him! Go get him now!

Catherine:  Really?  The guy with the perky walk?

Watcher: No, the gorgeous hunk of steaming manhood with the perky walk. Go. Go now! I must have him!



Catherine:  Oh, check it out! Pernille’s already talking to him.

Watcher:  Oh yeah! She needs two adult friends for her social aspiration. That . . . might be a social skill that she’s exercising right now.

Catherine:  Or a chicken impersonation.

Watcher:  A monkey? I think she’s being a monkey!

Catherine:  Well, Beardy seems to be into it, so at least we’ve got his attention. I’ll send Wendell over to seal the deal in a bit.



Wendell: So my wife seems to think we really need you to move in with us and has promised to make my life miserable until it happens. Help me out?

Ullal Francis:  Ah, yes. I have this effect on many women. I do not quite understand it, but what can be done, eh? Yes, my friend with the charming daughter who does the animal impressions, I will help you. I will save your marriage and I will live in your home.

Wendell:  Okay, then!



Wendell:  So. Welcome home! Your room is the red one that smells vaguely of recent death and rose petals.

Ullal:  Ah, the melancholy aroma of the pollinator’s den. I shall go and commune with the spirits of my predecessors. Who knows? Perhaps they will teach me a few new lines from beyond the grave, eh?

Wendell:  Yeah, it’ll probably just be Dennis Kim using your bathtub. We should really start locking him out of there. He won’t be able to teach you much.



Mallory: Oh, man is he gorgeous! And so suave!

Arianna:  Oh, honey, I know! Makes me want to seriously reconsider my position on re-marrying.

Morris:  You two are terrible! You’re both very married, and I don’t see what’s so special about this clown. His pants are ridiculous.

Arianna:  Oooooh! Good point! Let’s give him a makeover!

Mallory:  I’ll help with the swimwear!

Morris:  Ugh! Unbelievable!



Ullal:  *wink*

Watcher:  Swoon!

Catherine:  Did you just speak the word, "swoon?"

Watcher:  Shhhh! It was a private swoon!



Lucien:  Hey, there, new guy!  Nice pants. Listen, stay away from my wife or I’ll lock you in the sauna, okay?

Ullal:  *chuckles* Oh, my friend. You have nothing to fear, although your wife is a lovely woman and you are a truly fortunate man. I understand why the fates have brought me here, and I plan to concentrate my charms on only women whose wombs are ripe and fertile.

Lucien:  Ah. Yes. When you put it that way it sounds . . . super gross . . . yet somehow alluring. I should go. Good chat.

Ullal:  I look forward to our next meeting.

Lucien:  Yeah . . . I’m going to avoid you.



Ullal:  Ah, Kristen. Your presence on this threshold is like a warm summer breeze. I want nothing more in this life than for that breeze to gently ruffle my hair and tickle the tips of my ears.

Kristen:  Wow. I could get used to this brand of pollination.



Ullal:  How is this, my angel? Please, allow me to massage away every last care you might have. I want to see your lovely brow smooth and unwrinkled by worry.

Kristen:  Yup. I’m used to it.



Lucien: So then I was like, “You say away from Mallory or I’ll tear you limb from limb,” and he totally backed off with his tail between his legs.

Arianna:   . . . That doesn’t sound like our Ullal, and it’s still your turn, and I’m still beating you 90 games to 10.



Ullal:  What can I say? You can pluck a man out from behind the bar, but you cannot similarly pluck the desire to keep things tidy from his soul.



Ullal:  Some people say I am always posing, but I don’t know about such things. Am I statuesque, or is a statue Ullalesque, eh?

Watcher:  Ooooh. Say, “Ullalesque,” again. Oh, shoot! He can’t hear me. CATHERINE!



Lucien:  Aren’t you a little young for cocktails?

Pernille:  I’m a little young for a lot of things, Grampa Lucien, but when the weight of the world is on your shoulders, you grow up fast.

Lucien:  What happened to appropriately whimsical?  I miss that. Bring it back.

Pernille:  It’s a black and white party, Grampa. I have temporarily given over whimsy for somber elegance.

Catherine:  I’m afraid you may have edged into jaded, honey.

Pernille:  I blame the drink.



Arianna:  I’m going to regret this later, I know, but I think all that black and white cake is finally starting to show.



Pernille:  I must say, Grandmother Eliza, you are probably the most sensible person I’ve met yet. I’m so glad we’re related.

Eliza:  Call me Liz, dear, and you’re absolutely right. When it comes to being sensible, I’m head and shoulders above all of these yahoos.

[oshizu]

It was rather shocking to realize that Wendell's Watcher had not allowed him a single night of sleep before this!
What's left for Wendell to achieve besides ageing up to elder? And he's the Gen4 heir, right?

Oh, you got a hold of Ullal! *goes to google what kind of name that is
Your household has had such a string of exotic pollinators after Don: the Latino Eduardo, the Greek Dmitri, and now the Asian Indian Ullal.
Oh wait, I guess they're all second generation, since the game gives all three totally plebian family names, heh.

And Ullal is not only handsome but also so elegant. I laughed at how Morris and Lucien reacted to the ladies' reactions to Ullal.

Today is the release of Stardew Valley 1.1! *runs off to download that update

[Joria]

Ulall is hysterical, but....sadly.....as funny as he is,  he will never be an Eduardo.  Yet, I'm still giggling.  Wait.  Did I just SAY giggling?  Loved this update!!! (giggles some more)