Oh-em-gee, having a nooboo is HARD work; no-one warned me it would be like this! I couldn’t wait to get back to my work as a mixologist (back home we call this a barmaid!).
Jordan is a totally devoted father; even running to change the disgusting nappies without being asked or nagged; I totally chose the right man to father my heir ; note the singular – we’ve definitely agreed that Barney will be an only child.
Well how time flies when you’ve having fun, and too tired to blog, but some time later Barney has grown into a lovely, gorgeous,green-eyed proper boy; who is quite self-sufficient, weaned off the milk, and toilet trained Happy days are here again:
And wow, Jordan loves being a dad; he plays games, helps with homework and generally takes care of all the educating and skills, :
Leaving me to enjoy all the fun story time and cuddles.
Anyhooo, good news/bad news…. The good news is my career is progressing nicely, I’m fully skilled in cooking, both basic and gourmet, and am a total whiz with the cocktails too!
Bad news though, pregnancy and childbirth seems to have had a mortifying effect on my figure and I feel certain that Jordan has noticed the breadth of my behind! It’s getting so bad I’ve been staying in my elasticated waistband pyjamas all day when I’m at home.
Jordan is always on the treadmill and offered to train me, but I simply don’t have the energy to work-out. So I secretly persuaded our home-help Titus to order me some “insta-lean” diet drink and (after sneakily cloning it for future weight problems in the family), I drank it and WHAT a MIRACLE – I can fit my wedding dress again!
I purchase myself a sexy little black and white dress in a size 8 ready for Jordan’s birthday; a “Black and White Bash” I have been planning for ages.
The party goes brilliantly and I got another gold medal and Jordan got gifted some fogey old dressing table, which we have in the bedroom as it’s “sentimental”, but I’m definitely painting it to match the bed!
It seems since his birthday though that Jordan has aged almost overnight ; and keeps obsessively taking selfies in the hope it’s just a “trick of the light”. Erm, it’s not sweetheart, you are looking somewhat ‘distinguished’ and erm, ‘lived in’.
I buy him some hair dye and some firming cream, and he’s soon looking better:
Meanwhile’ I’ve started an art club; which is boosting the household funds a treat; all my girlfriends come round, and we all paint up a storm in my “inspirational studio”, and then, although I don’t want them to know this, I SELL ALL THEIR PAINTINGS!! I’ve told them I am keeping them for an exhibition!
More news, Titus hadn’t been around much, the garden was getting overgrown, so I went for a wander to see if he was slacking off down at the beach again, and he actually died, right there on the beach. This horrible dark thing came and grimly reaped him away leaving us with a really ugly urn. I have put it away in storage; no way was I leaving it on our beach!
Barney is doing great, though I am going to have to restrict his screentime; he’s totally addicted to this mathematics game, but I am certain it’s not healthy to spend so much time playing computer games; he might grow into one of those odd folks who live their lives vicariously through little pixelated characters – I’ve heard some people even write stories about them… that’s got to be a myth though surely?
Anyway, Barney is now limited to 1 hour screentime after he’s showered and in his jim-jams!
He’s playing up and getting quite rebellious and insists that he’s ‘almost a teen’ – do they call it a tweenager? So, he’s decided he would like his birthday party in the museum, with a hamburger instead of a cake – all the cool kids do apparently; seriously? The museum?
Anyway, the party went great, and of course the cake was delicious:
And in the inimitable style of his dad, the first thing he did as a teen was…. Yep, a selfie :
He’s getting really friendly with Linda from next door, I think she’s one of Titus and Alice’s tribe, but with her colouring she could be Eric’s – who knows, anyway she’s a nice girl, but Barney is way too young to get serious at the moment; I don’t think it’s gone further than a snuggle on the sofa, and I will be keeping a close eye on things, just in case she takes after her mother in her moral code. They do make a sweet couple though.
