**Mission Dispatch - 001** This is total bull.
I trained for years. Years! For this. For ... this standalone bathroom on a hill with a child's bed and a refrigerator that isn't plugged into anything. Never mind suddenly having taste buds and limbs and all this disgusting human hair. What did I sign on for?
Training said this body would react to deep breathing. Breathing. Well, that's pleasant enough I suppose. No. I can still see the hovel. It's no good.
Well, at least they did a good job with the body. Of course it lacks all of the elegant beauty of my natural race. Centarians are beautiful orbs of light and elemental fire. None of this lumbering nonsense. But we couldn't allow the Green Ones to colonize the simsverse unabated.
I'm here more as a spy than an outright opponent. Chosen for my gregarious nature and passion for simlish culture. The emergency exit device is in my personal inventory disguised as a suit of armor. I've got it safely in a vault with the local bank. No sense leaving it out for my descendants to mistakenly sell or put on display with the possibility of zapping one of our children back to Centari. No no, best keep it locked away.
I have found that the color blue is pleasing to me in this form. Very pleasing indeed. I also enjoy my reflection. With human facilities, I can see why these features are considered attractive. It's a very strange sensation. Now to adjust to this whole idea of genders.
In the meantime. I guess this is home.
**Close Dispatch. I'll manage**
**Mission Dispatch 002** - Joys of Nourishment I woke this morning feeling very unpleasant. My first true hunger pangs! It's nothing at all like the simulation. Grog should get on that. I know we can simulate better. Well, my true report is what it is like to eat something the primal way, through the gullet.
It. Is. Divine.
Truly this might be the best part of being human. I even forgot that I'd slept in a den of mosquitos for a while. Just lovely.
As discussed, I have joined the astronaut profession. As a natural genius and miles above those of the true sim race, I have quickly progressed to a promotion in my first day. This will not be a challenge and with enough tenacity, I'll be able to make reports in person shortly.
My primary objective has been finding a mate. Earth men are a truly enraging species.
First, I learned a game called chess. It is an excellent social magnet and pleases my intellectual desires.
I am engaged with an Earthperson named Meredith. I must remind myself that she is female and cannot provide me with children for this project. Sadly. However, we are becoming fast friends. The male is Asa. I thought him a fine prospect.
He turned out to be a lazy slob. No thank you.
Then there were these two:
The handsome one is evil. Probably not best. The other one seemed promising enough. He had the genius trait so I invited him over to stare at my bathroom.
I tried to explain to him the wonders of Froot Loops, but he just started talking about how attractive he finds women who are annoyed. That was when I realized he was quite mean.
"Why would you upset someone for personal pleasure?" I demanded.
"Are you upset?" he said, excited.
What a waste of intelligence.
It kept going. There was the gloomy glutton.
The bro.
The perfect one who was a townie and thus ineligable as a possible Green One in disguise. Darn you, Chester! I did like you.
The one I was attracted to who remained stubbornly female.
And worst of all, the well-traited ... teenager!
I was ready to give up. I'd never felt such things before in my very long life. Rage, mission control. Rage is most unpleasant.
At least I still had the experience of eating. Admittedly, it is an escape.
I won't bore you with the particulars, but after a few trips to venues who seem to be primarily focused around athletic writhing to tempered sounds and consuming beverages that make you feel ill, I met Davon. Single, townie, and mercifully not obnoxious.
Upon finding out he was a foodie, I knew this was the one. He flirted with me too, quite of his own accord! Of course, we were interrupted by Chester coming to knock on the bathroom, even though I was sitting right there. We need not feel threatened by Simlish intellect.
I convinced Davon to move in. I will romance him according to our training lessons in short order. In the meantime, I used the substantial money he brought on to build a house in that pleasing hue.
Davon knows I am ... unusual. He is excited to show me all the things he knows how to cook. I confess I am excited to eat it. All of it.
Why, I might even begin to feel for him something akin to probing. But let's not get ahead of ourselves.
